Jo S

I am really struggling with this one. I am not at all comfortable with this feeling yet i am powerless. "Hand it over" i hear my heart telling me but my head doesn't want to hear of it. Oh God it is tough. I shall look at the steps, i think step 4 is "humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings". Why am i so jealous...... i could go on and on round in circles....... "this too shall pass".... let it pass quickly.

EveryDay

Hey Jo, I have asked myself the same question many times. The answer I came up with, right or wrong, is as follows; The reason I became an addict is because i felt like i couldn't keep my head above water in the world. Fear of drowning, in effect. When you are afraid that you are going to lose someone you love, you think "oh my god, I'm almost going under as it is! without them, I'm going down!". And the same thing that makes me convinced that i can't make it on my own, low self esteem, tells me that the person i love would certainly leave me for another. After all, I'm nothing but an addict. A third issue is that as an addict I grow apart from the world, and fear and resent it, and a partner tends to share some of that isolation. We become a club of two. But a club with only one member is not a club at all. It's a person alone who probably needs to take a look at his addiction. I'm not sure if this is germaine, true or helpful. I hope it is at least one of the three. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you peace, comfort and consolation.

Everyday Jones

hopealwayz

(((Jo)))

Remember this is a time when the emotions are raging in full force. I know that these words may not be of much consolation now, but "this too shall pass". ( And it really does ! )

grasshopperpie

Jo S, if you don't mind me asking a very personal question, how old are you (just approximately if you're not comfortable answering)? The reason I ask this, is that I too suffered from painful jealousy in my teens and twenties. In my mind, other girls were always prettier, siblings were always more successful, peers were always more popular. Even my own mother--whom I loved dearly--was a source of jealousy for me, as she had been a beauty queen, literally. Even after I got married, I felt jealousy toward my husband's career, which put a tremendous strain on our relationship.

I don't know if it was part of growing up, or that it just hit me all of a sudden--but one day I truly, truly realized that jealousy was the most useless emotion possible. That it was eating me up inside, and preventing *me* from getting anywhere. That it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the sources of my envy (it wasn't their fault they had attributes I longed for--whether perceived or real), and EVERYTHING to do with me.

By this point, I was already a little bit into the drinking, unfortunately. I had definitely used booze to silence those insecure voices, and looking back, I see I had already begun to get hooked. Still, I was able to let go of the jealousy and work on myself.

I wish I could tell you exactly how I did it--but it was more like a realization, not an action. Perhaps growing pains, if you will. I've since spoken with many friends and family members who went through the very same process in their younger years. Even the ones I'd been busy being jealous of! What a waste of time!

In the past few years, I've been on the very opposite side of this emotion. Somehow, by the grace of God, I suppose, I was able to function through the drinking, to build a happy marriage, career and friendships. I've since met a couple of women who've positively seethed with jealousy toward me, and I can tell you--it's no fun being on that side of it either. The cruel remarks, the rolled eyes, the hostility, the exclusion, the put-downs, the cattiness--and sometimes actual attempts to do damage to me and my career--well, it's just a destructive emotion whichever way you look at it.

My own experience with jealousy has helped me to endure theirs, and also gave me a huge insight into the pain I must have caused those of whom I was jealous. And I missed out on getting to know some very cool people, too!

I know I'm probably not being much help, but all I can do is offer my own experience. If I were to give you advice, I'd have to say pray about it, think about it, make a list of what you do and don't get out of it (I have a feeling the 'do' side will be a little lacking...lol), and most importantly? Give it TIME. I think everyone goes through this to some extent or another. Don't beat yourself up. You already have enough growing pains to endure right now without the unnecessary added and self-inflicted bruises.

Peace...

GP

Greenbug

Excellent you are trying to work a program I would encourage you to go to some meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps in order. Early recovery is hard but you only have to do it once if you are half as commited in recovery as you were in addiction you have a really good chance.
No expectations, acceptance, & peace will follow.

Good luck to you!

~GB