Whatzit Gonna Be??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Villas N.J.
Posts: 1
Whatzit Gonna Be??
Hi, I'm Mark. I signed up last week. It took me this long to get courage to write something. I'm 42. I have a great job,a wife and 3 children to be proud of. Beautiful house, all the things a guy could ask for! Except for a really bad vise. 3 years ago I had foot surgery. After the operation I was introduced to "Ultram" for my pain. (Not supposed to be as addictive as a narcotic!),least that's what I was told. Well 3 years later and here I am writing this post, scared outta my mind, feeling totally helpless. I tried a couple of times to quit. My wife never knew I was going thru DT's. (Never successfully.) She knew I did them,but didn't know how many,and where I was getting them.I can't perform right without them. Ever try chasing down a FED-EX truck, knowing he has your order? If your not there to sign, off he goes! I keep telling the guys I work with that they are computer parts.If they were parts,I should have 127 computers! I have a prescription for them, so that made it ok. Of course I don't think 25 a day was on the bottle. Can I get through untill tomorrow? Am I gonna start getting dizzy? Can I make it through work? Will they notice? How am I gonna pay for these without her knowing? All these questions go thru my head.
It had to stop.I confided in my wife and finally spilled the beans. She is very much behind me.I know she loves me very much and would do all she could to help. I took 9 days off from work starting this Friday.I'm gonna hand everything over to her.This is my chance to beat it. I will be by myself most of the time,except maybe if someone out there can relate to what I'm gonna go thru. So I asked myself,WHATZIT GONNA BE??? I wanna be myself again. Thank you so much for taking time to read this!!
It had to stop.I confided in my wife and finally spilled the beans. She is very much behind me.I know she loves me very much and would do all she could to help. I took 9 days off from work starting this Friday.I'm gonna hand everything over to her.This is my chance to beat it. I will be by myself most of the time,except maybe if someone out there can relate to what I'm gonna go thru. So I asked myself,WHATZIT GONNA BE??? I wanna be myself again. Thank you so much for taking time to read this!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Welcome to SR, Mark. Glad you are here. You'll find lots of information and support here.
I know that place of fear and desperation. I am a pain med addict who got sucked in deeper and deeper until it was too late. I went through hell and it sounds like you are there now.
The good news is there is hope. There is a solution. There is a way out.
First, I would talk to you Dr. Come clean about the addiction and get help with the detox. You came clean with your wife and that was a great first step, so you can do this, too. The secrets and shame will lead us right back into the addiction.
I couldn't do this alone and thankfully I didn't have to. I got clean and sober in the rooms of AA / NA. I learned about my disease and my powerlessness against the first one. Most important, I learned how to stay clean one hour and one day at a time.
What is your plan for recovery?
Again, welcome. Stick around and keep posting.
--phinny
I know that place of fear and desperation. I am a pain med addict who got sucked in deeper and deeper until it was too late. I went through hell and it sounds like you are there now.
The good news is there is hope. There is a solution. There is a way out.
First, I would talk to you Dr. Come clean about the addiction and get help with the detox. You came clean with your wife and that was a great first step, so you can do this, too. The secrets and shame will lead us right back into the addiction.
I couldn't do this alone and thankfully I didn't have to. I got clean and sober in the rooms of AA / NA. I learned about my disease and my powerlessness against the first one. Most important, I learned how to stay clean one hour and one day at a time.
What is your plan for recovery?
Again, welcome. Stick around and keep posting.
--phinny
Welcome to SR! 
Congratulations on a wise move!
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
WELCOME Mark,,
I to am a pain killer addict. A opiate addict. Although they say that Ultram is not addictive, we know better don't we.. They should too. I don't really understand doctors to well. I have not had much experience wit Ultram, a little, but, I know better
than to even think about it.. Advil will do, thank you
We are here for you. We will continue to be here for you.. It's really great that you got time off from work, to get clean, that will help immensely.
It is great that you tell your wife the whole story.. It's best to be honest, it's really the only way to really get help, and support, and move on with your life. It's a tough disease to battle. I have been clean for over 7 months, and this is the first time, in years, since I began this addiction.. You can do this, remember that. You can..
Remember we are here for you. Check out the substance abuse forum, and some of the other forums, if you'd like, don't be afraid of anything here, people are sooo wonderful.
Hang in there,
Love and Prayers,
Becky
I to am a pain killer addict. A opiate addict. Although they say that Ultram is not addictive, we know better don't we.. They should too. I don't really understand doctors to well. I have not had much experience wit Ultram, a little, but, I know better
than to even think about it.. Advil will do, thank you
We are here for you. We will continue to be here for you.. It's really great that you got time off from work, to get clean, that will help immensely.
It is great that you tell your wife the whole story.. It's best to be honest, it's really the only way to really get help, and support, and move on with your life. It's a tough disease to battle. I have been clean for over 7 months, and this is the first time, in years, since I began this addiction.. You can do this, remember that. You can..
Remember we are here for you. Check out the substance abuse forum, and some of the other forums, if you'd like, don't be afraid of anything here, people are sooo wonderful.
Hang in there,
Love and Prayers,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Jasper, GA
Posts: 239
Hey Mark...since you REALLY want to get clean, and since you took 9 days off for that purpose...if your insurance will cover it, why not spend a part of that 9 days in a medically supervised detox? That might be a really good way to start down the recovery path.
Hang in there...it DOES get better.
BubbaBob
Hang in there...it DOES get better.
BubbaBob
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey,,
Ya know Bubba has some really, really wise words for you. I have detoxed many times in the hospital.. It sure makes detox alaot easier, alot more do able.. Definately good advice..
Hang in there,
Love and Prayers,
Becky
Ya know Bubba has some really, really wise words for you. I have detoxed many times in the hospital.. It sure makes detox alaot easier, alot more do able.. Definately good advice..
Hang in there,
Love and Prayers,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Rindge, NH
Posts: 16
Thanks for sharing Mark. Having the love & support of your wife is an extreme plus in early recovery. Believe me, if not for the love & understanding from my wife, my early sobriety would have been a nightmare. Hang in there !
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
