onedayatatime12

My ex wife to be and i got into a fight tonight and of course it is my stupid ass fault....sometimes i just miss her and i sabotage everything...she and i are going to get divorced and she says when she sees changes in me than we could get together again,,,,I know i screwed this whole thing up, and i am staying sober sometimes one minute at a time...but i know in my heart and my soul that even if we dont get divorced yet, but we live in different states that we will drift apart.....I need to get into the program full force and we keep going back and forth as to where i am going to live, in the same state as her, so we can be close but not living together while i get sober,,,,or in different states,,,seeing eachother and my little baby girl every 3 weeks or so...God,,,,i am so confused and scared that my girl wont know who i am and i know it doesnt matter where you are, if you have the desire to stay clean and sober than get on it.....whatever, i am just fighting the urge to get loaded,,,i really dont want to,, i just want to feel peace,,,i havent felt peaceful in a few years...

best

When I looked around for peace and couldn't find it, I started looking up. Once I looked up, peace came into my life.

Work the steps
Work on your recovery

As you said...one minute at a time if need be.
Peace does come.

historyteach

(((One day)))
Why don't you take a look at the spirituality board, or, the Christians in Recovery board? (Don't know if your Christian or not).
You may find something to ease your soul and deliver some peace.
Be good to yourself!
Shalom!

onedayatatime12

I have been praying but i feel like i have abandoned god long ago,,it seems so fake now, to ask for his help and direction, but i will keep trying, i am just holding on to everything by a thread.....i wish i could find a meeting right now, so i will look up and i sure hope i find something new....I have made a decision to just give my relationship problems to god,,,,and see what happens

grasshopperpie

I'm so so sorry, Oneday. There is nothing that makes me reach for a drink (or since I quit, think about reaching for one) more quickly than a fight with my husband. When it happens, I just want to numb it all out--and not feel the dread, fear, confusion and despair.

If drinking is at the root (or even a big part) of the problems with your wife, though, you already know that's the single worst move you could make right now. I'll cross my fingers for you that you are able to resist and just get through this.

I am certainly not fit to give recovery (only been sober ten days) or marriage counselling, and have no idea what the exact state of your union is, but I will tell you this, if it helps. My husband and I separated for two long years. I thought it was the end of the world. Somehow we pushed on and made new lives for ourselves. Eventually we both realized the one thing missing was each other, and we found our way back. We've been together for eight happy (mostly...lol) years since. I really wish the same for you. And that you will be able to overcome this.

Cheers,

GP

grasshopperpie

Also... Have you considered writing her a letter, expressing all of your thoughts and explaining how you feel the way you have here? I know sometimes written words can work wonders when spoken ones fail. Also, writing the note will give you something to do to take your mind off of drinking right now. Just a thought.

Good luck.

*smiles*

Hi oneday my prayers will be with you in your moment of need.

Please remember when you pray and earnestly ask for help God will not turn his back on you. He may not answer your prayers the way you think he should. But I promise it will be in a very loving way. I just think of my relationship with God like I do my children. You have a baby girl just think of the unconditional love you have and will continue to give your daughter. That is how God loves you. I know I would never give up on my kids and if they asked for my help I would help them the best I could even if isn't the way they might think I should. It will always be out of love and what I think is in their best interest.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))

onedayatatime12

Everybodys advice was great,,i love this, i can actually quit thinking and getting into trouble. I stayed sober!!!, although i havent got a whole lot of sleep, thanks again everyone

Cathy31

WOW THAT@S GREAT!!! Well done, be sure to tell your wife, she will be so happy too!!! Just shows you can do it...next time it's tough, post here and also try an aa meeting perhaps?
WELL DONE!
CAthy31
x

onedayatatime12

Thanks, i am actually looking for a morning meeting now, since i cant seem to sleep. I cant tell my wife anything, she either thinks i am lying, or up to something,,I am learning to keep my big mouth shut and look for a pat on the back elsewhere...

CarolD

Welcome to SR.... So glad to see you are still sober!

Blessings...

wiscgirl30

So glad you didnt take a drink. So proud of you. I agree with the letter-writing idea that someone had. Even if you don't send it. And it is true, God will answer your prayers the way he sees fit. Sometimes it feels as if he isn't listening (I would know!), but then we just have to trust that he is. It sounds like if your wife isn't giving you support right now, then you just have to look to yourself and work on yourself, and maybe not include her for a while. Your daughter is young enough that you have SO much time to have her in your life. Take care of yourself first and that will be the best gift you can give your daughter. I wish the best for you....

best

learning to keep our mouth shut is a good lesson learned.

My actions said much more then my mouth ever can.
My wife believes me now, when I say things. It took a bit of time but it does happen. My quest is to daily keep that trust, now that I have it back.

Soon you will learn, your arm is long enough that you can pat your own back.
Take some pride in what you have done so far.
Congratulations on your choices.

Msftrtk

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great Job.. I was up last night too fighting the urge.. I am proud of you..
You said that you feel like when you Pray it is fake.. believe always in the Lord.. for He has NEVER stopped believing in you.