Kathy Z

Well, today was going to be my first day of not taking any percocet, but I've already messed up and it's only 11:30am. I really had myself all set last night not to take them. Even planned all the things I do when the urges hit and all that. I just can't stand the noise in my head when I try not to take them. That's what always makes me give in. Not even so much an urge or anything. My broken record plays something like this:

Well, yea you said you weren't going to take any today but you know you'll feel better if you do. If not your just gonna be thinking about it all day long and driving yourself crazy. So just take 3 and that's IT for the day. That will be alot better than taken 3 sets of 3 like you usually do. At least you'll be cutting down, heading in the right direction. They say you're not supposed to abruptly stop taking them anyway. And so on and on and on.

Now I know exactly what will happen in 4 hours when they wear off........my brain will kick in with the: Well you already messed up today so you might as well take more. Tomorrows a new day, you can start fresh then.

Grrrrrrrrrr, it's SO damn annoying. Anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this constant racket in my head every time I try to stop taking them?

Thanks,
Kathy
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Time4Change

Hi Kath!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with this damned addiction. I've been there and it's a nightmare! My DOC was Vicodin and it kicked my butt again and again and again.

I tried cold turkey. I tried tapering. I bought all the Thomas Detox Recipe items. Nothing worked. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand the temptation and the horrid sickness. I wanted it so badly, though. It consumed my every thought nonstop, all day, all night. That was five months ago and it feels like years ago. Thank God!

It's definitely great that you're wanting to stop now, when your intake is only 3 sets three times a day. I used to be like that, but as the years crawled by, it became more and more until I was gulping down 70 per day. I almost lost everything.

Personally, I had to spend a week calling addiction specialists in a 50-mile radius to find one with an opening. It took a lot of time and I left a ton of messages. It was good for me to hear myself leaving messages, though, saying, "I have a problem. I need help. Please call me". It was almost therapeutic. While waiting for the calls back, I started going to NA. I also started another taper, so I felt very sick, but not too sick I couldn't go to meetings. It gave me a better incentive to stop.

Anyway, I now have therapy with an addiction specialist once a month (more often in the beginning) and I've been taking Suboxone. It saved my life. My health insurance company is in constant contact with my doctor and we've all worked together to make a plan of how my year-long treatment will go. I'm now a very active member of my NA group, go to Area meetings, work with my sponsor, work the 12 steps, and changed everything in my life that surrounded my using. I called every single one of my doctors, pharmacies, and online pharmacies (whew! Lots of those) and told them to NEVER send me pills again. Don't even call me.

I don't know if I've helped you at all, Kathy. All I know is this is my story and I promise you, it's saved my life and has given me so much to be thankful for. I'm happy again. My cell phone is filled with friends who would drop everything at a moment's notice to help me in my sobriety. My friends and family see the difference. The rollercoaster has stopped for good.

I wish you all the best. I really felt your pain in your post and hope you're doing well. If you'd ever like to talk, please PM me, k?

Take care!

grateful2bsober

Hi Kathy,
That broken record in your head is called 'your disease'. My first suggestion is to get rid of them completely, but if you are unable to do that yourself is there someone who could do it for you?It's gonna be very hard having them in your house otherwise, it's gonna keep messing w/ya.(trust me, I tried to stop using w/stuff in my house and I couldn't).The noise in your head is part of the withdrawl of coming off and even though it's easier said then done you have to try your best to ignore it.Do something to keep your mind busy-go for a walk,read a book,watch a movie,paint your toes,take a bath,WHATEVER!Just keep busy! I promise the noise will get lesser and lesser as time goes by! That was one of the worst things for me to deal with(the neverending racin thoughts)but it did pass!Remember,"this too shall pass",nothing lasts forever,you just gotta hold on and pray! Have you tried meetings?If not,PLEASE try them,you may be surprised of what you hear.Is there someone who you can go with to make it less scary?And please remember that this disease wants you miserable,it will take everything you care about it's goal is to destroy you in every aspect...and if it hasn't gotten that bad you just wait ...it only will get worse.I hope you don't have to get to where I went to realize what a life and death situation continuing in active addiction is! Well I'm glad you found this site and I hope I in someway helped you.Stay Strong! And GET BUSY! Luv,Melissa

NoMoBeer

Hey Kathy;
Sorry to hear you are struggling. I noticed in your post that you have AA and NA logos -- are you working the program? Do you have a sponsor?

I think the 'voices' in my head calmed down (geez, they never stop, I just have to be choosey which one I listen too) when I did my Fourth and Fifth Steps. That gave God some room to come in....

I know where you are coming from, I remember not so long ago struggling with the same voices, but with beer -- only a 6 pack today, none tomorrow, if I quit I'll buy a new bike, ...... same voices, different DOC.

For me, the answers are in the 12 steps and the Big Book, but it only works if I work it....

Ken