I'm Scared...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
That link was *extremely* helpful. Thank you, Carol D.
I'm sorry to keep droning on, and asking so many questions, but I've run into a small problem, it seems.
I mentioned that my husband and I have both made a commitment to stop drinking. We drank what little bit was left in our house Wednesday evening, and then stopped at the same time. This was a great relief and a huge comfort to me to find out he was with me 100 percent.
However, when I mentioned last night that I had made some calls to AA, and was thinking about attending a few meetings, he asked, 'Why? You're not an alcoholic. We've just both been drinking way too much'. When I said that I had answered positively to most of the questions on the AA questionnaire, he said, 'but look...an alcoholic is someone who has their first drink, and that's it--their lives are changed forever. It's in their brain chemistry--they can't control themselves ever again. Do you even remeber your first drink?'. I had to admit, no...I didn't.
I had never really had a problem with alcohol until the last three years. Sure, I drank once in a while socially--and when I did, I could actually drink a hell of a lot, more than most guys I know (my tolerance is one of the things that helped get me in trouble in the first place, I think--but to be brutally honest, I was once sort of proud of it...now I'm horrified by it), but I didn't have alcohol in my home. Didn't even think about it for months on end. Could really take it or leave it.
That's changed. Now I want it. Think about it all the time. I've been making up excuses to go out and buy it. Making up excuses to drink it. Making sure to have a few extra drinks before doing ANYTHING--going to the store, meeting friends, working, going to bed--you name it. As I said, before I stopped Wednesday night, I was up to 26 oz of liquor a day (I think that's called a fifth in the U.S., right?).
So yeah, I think I might be an alcoholic, not just a 'heavy drinker'! My husband, on the other hand, thinks you are either born an alcoholic or you're not. He doesn't think either of us are. Just thinks we've been depressed and undisciplined.
Should I press this issue? Try to keep talking about it? Go to meetings on my own? Try his approach (He's got amazing willpower when he needs it--works out every day, quit smoking cold turkey and never picked up a pack again...meanwhile, I'm still puffing away, etc...)?
Sorry for all the questions. Any advice from anyone would be very, very appreciated.
I'm sorry to keep droning on, and asking so many questions, but I've run into a small problem, it seems.
I mentioned that my husband and I have both made a commitment to stop drinking. We drank what little bit was left in our house Wednesday evening, and then stopped at the same time. This was a great relief and a huge comfort to me to find out he was with me 100 percent.
However, when I mentioned last night that I had made some calls to AA, and was thinking about attending a few meetings, he asked, 'Why? You're not an alcoholic. We've just both been drinking way too much'. When I said that I had answered positively to most of the questions on the AA questionnaire, he said, 'but look...an alcoholic is someone who has their first drink, and that's it--their lives are changed forever. It's in their brain chemistry--they can't control themselves ever again. Do you even remeber your first drink?'. I had to admit, no...I didn't.
I had never really had a problem with alcohol until the last three years. Sure, I drank once in a while socially--and when I did, I could actually drink a hell of a lot, more than most guys I know (my tolerance is one of the things that helped get me in trouble in the first place, I think--but to be brutally honest, I was once sort of proud of it...now I'm horrified by it), but I didn't have alcohol in my home. Didn't even think about it for months on end. Could really take it or leave it.
That's changed. Now I want it. Think about it all the time. I've been making up excuses to go out and buy it. Making up excuses to drink it. Making sure to have a few extra drinks before doing ANYTHING--going to the store, meeting friends, working, going to bed--you name it. As I said, before I stopped Wednesday night, I was up to 26 oz of liquor a day (I think that's called a fifth in the U.S., right?).
So yeah, I think I might be an alcoholic, not just a 'heavy drinker'! My husband, on the other hand, thinks you are either born an alcoholic or you're not. He doesn't think either of us are. Just thinks we've been depressed and undisciplined.
Should I press this issue? Try to keep talking about it? Go to meetings on my own? Try his approach (He's got amazing willpower when he needs it--works out every day, quit smoking cold turkey and never picked up a pack again...meanwhile, I'm still puffing away, etc...)?
Sorry for all the questions. Any advice from anyone would be very, very appreciated.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi grasshopperpie,
Hanging around here, reading and asking more questions should help to clarify things. Personally I see nothing wrong with attending a few meetings, either with or without your hubby, if it where me, I would be sure to discuss this with him calmly first though.
Wish I could be more support, I have not been in a relationship for over a decade so its not my strong point. Anyway do what you need to for your sobriety and be open and honest about what your doing to those close to you.
Kevin
Hanging around here, reading and asking more questions should help to clarify things. Personally I see nothing wrong with attending a few meetings, either with or without your hubby, if it where me, I would be sure to discuss this with him calmly first though.
Wish I could be more support, I have not been in a relationship for over a decade so its not my strong point. Anyway do what you need to for your sobriety and be open and honest about what your doing to those close to you.
Kevin
Red Hot Chili Pepper
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind
Posts: 153
Do you have a Big Book? Just did this last week. Had this tiny paragraph on women. I didn't start drinking in earnest until I was like 35. And it came on FAST. You call it alcoholism or whatever you want, but there it is. You'll be fine. Your husband is protecting you and at the same time protecting himself. Nobody WANTS to be an alcoholic. It's a stigma. You'd rather have cancer or diabetes or ANYTHING but alcoholism.
Kelly
Kelly
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Hi Grasshoperpie,
I tried to split hairs for years, lets see, was I just having a few too many, was I a problem drinker, when did I become an alcoholic? Unfortunatly for me I wasted many years after I already knew the answer, denial is a powerful thing.
I now dont think there is much difference to all that, its just how far down I wanted to let alcohol take me. In the end who cares if I was born one or just being undiciplined, in the end too much leads to more too much and when it goes too far, well, safe to say everyting just gets worse.
You seem to have decided you have a problem and want to stop. All going to meetings will do is give you more information and support to do what you have already commited to do, for sure get a big book
I would check it out with or without you husband. It is fantastic you both quit together, but you need to do what feels right to you to keep from drinking again.
Glad your here, SR is a great place for information and support!!
I tried to split hairs for years, lets see, was I just having a few too many, was I a problem drinker, when did I become an alcoholic? Unfortunatly for me I wasted many years after I already knew the answer, denial is a powerful thing.
I now dont think there is much difference to all that, its just how far down I wanted to let alcohol take me. In the end who cares if I was born one or just being undiciplined, in the end too much leads to more too much and when it goes too far, well, safe to say everyting just gets worse.
You seem to have decided you have a problem and want to stop. All going to meetings will do is give you more information and support to do what you have already commited to do, for sure get a big book
I would check it out with or without you husband. It is fantastic you both quit together, but you need to do what feels right to you to keep from drinking again.
Glad your here, SR is a great place for information and support!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Well, I made it through the weekend...lol. My first one in two or three years without a drink. Lots of hot chocolate, apple cider (completely nonalcoholic), diet soda and coffee. I've got 108 hours of sobriety now, which I know is not much, but it's a start. The shakes are starting to go away, and I feel a lot less edgy. Mind you, I'm still up at four am, so the insomnia thing isn't so great...lol. Anyway, you guys are helping me a lot, more than you know--the online meetings, and just being able to read posts here--so thank you. I'm so glad I found this site.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to see you are doing so well!
What works for your husband may not work for you.
Try it with him but do not bet your life on his thinking.
"Under The Influence" and " Beyond The Influence"
are carried by Amazon.
They are full of facts ...easy to read.
I suggest them to antone seeking sobriety.
Blessings...
What works for your husband may not work for you.
Try it with him but do not bet your life on his thinking.
"Under The Influence" and " Beyond The Influence"
are carried by Amazon.
They are full of facts ...easy to read.
I suggest them to antone seeking sobriety.
Blessings...
Bass PLAYER
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: W.Brookfield, MA
Posts: 38
Just do it
Don't let your spouse talk you out of the right actions to take. There are too many people here that have proven that meetings work.
Love to all
John
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Love to all
John
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Thanks again for all your encouragement. I'm not sure how to count days of sobriety. At 8:00 tonight, I finished six full days without a drink. Am I on Day Seven now? When do you start counting? On the day you quit? Or the next morning? What if you drink past midnight? Is the day after that Day One? I'm sorry...I'm sure this question has been raised a million times, and you are all sick of it.
In any case, tomorrow (Wednesday) at 8:00 pm will mark a week for me. By FAR, the longest I have been sober in years. I still haven't gotten up the nerve to go to a meeting, but I am doing well, and am very grateful to all of you. You have no idea how much this place helps. I'm exercising daily again, cooking, getting a lot of work done, and tasting beverages I haven't made in years...lol, like hot chocolate and hot apple cider (nonalcoholic, of course).
The only bad thing (apart from this damned insomnia) is that I have had to give up a Web site I run. It's a bulletin board/chat place like this one. I tried to keep going there, but the stress of complaining members, trolls, flame wars, etc... (I'm sure some of you can relate) was just too much while quitting. Also, I found the place was a real trigger for cravings--I'd always had a drink in hand when posting/managing the place, and so I continued to associate the two. I've found some new things to do instead, but really miss my Internet community there.
In any case, tomorrow (Wednesday) at 8:00 pm will mark a week for me. By FAR, the longest I have been sober in years. I still haven't gotten up the nerve to go to a meeting, but I am doing well, and am very grateful to all of you. You have no idea how much this place helps. I'm exercising daily again, cooking, getting a lot of work done, and tasting beverages I haven't made in years...lol, like hot chocolate and hot apple cider (nonalcoholic, of course).
The only bad thing (apart from this damned insomnia) is that I have had to give up a Web site I run. It's a bulletin board/chat place like this one. I tried to keep going there, but the stress of complaining members, trolls, flame wars, etc... (I'm sure some of you can relate) was just too much while quitting. Also, I found the place was a real trigger for cravings--I'd always had a drink in hand when posting/managing the place, and so I continued to associate the two. I've found some new things to do instead, but really miss my Internet community there.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Count anyway you are comfortable with. I started counting mine the morning after my last drink.
A new day and a fresh beginning.
Ah yes...triggers are so important to avoid!
They kept me in my drinking career overly long as I was too stubborn to chamge.
I insisted I could still carry on my lifestyle...only not drinking.
Therefore I was in and out of AA often.
I spent 5 years earning a 1 year chip.
Duh! Blessings...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
Please give AA meetings a chance! Everyone is a little scared, uncomfortable at first, but you will meet real flesh and blood people who understand where you are coming from and can provide lots of support and help. In my opinion, online recovery programs are helpful, but they can't take the place a real human contact. You made some good first steps, now take the next one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Hi, everyone. Just wanted to let you know I am on my tenth day sober, and I honestly don't think I could have done it without the help and encouragement found in all the people and posts here.
Things are really starting to go well again. I'm exercising daily, eating properly, and getting a lot of work done. I was just offered a very exciting new project, and for the first time in ages, I'm not afraid to take it on for fear that I will screw up and miss deadlines because of the booze.
Yesterday was the first time since I quit that I hardly thought about drinking at all. I kind of forgot about it for most of the day, to be honest--that was great. I'll admit, though, Friday was a bit tougher, as the weekend has always been a trigger for me. It just seems automatic that Friday is an absolute justification to pour myself a drink or seventeen....lol. I was very sorry not to be able to make Friday night's meeting, but will definitely try to attend Saturday's. They've helped a lot.
Anyway, just wanted to keep you posted (it helps keep me on track just to write this out--that way the goal seems more concrete, more official, more documented, less 'breakable'), and to say thank you very much again for all of your kindness. This is a truly wonderful site.
Cheers,
GP
Things are really starting to go well again. I'm exercising daily, eating properly, and getting a lot of work done. I was just offered a very exciting new project, and for the first time in ages, I'm not afraid to take it on for fear that I will screw up and miss deadlines because of the booze.
Yesterday was the first time since I quit that I hardly thought about drinking at all. I kind of forgot about it for most of the day, to be honest--that was great. I'll admit, though, Friday was a bit tougher, as the weekend has always been a trigger for me. It just seems automatic that Friday is an absolute justification to pour myself a drink or seventeen....lol. I was very sorry not to be able to make Friday night's meeting, but will definitely try to attend Saturday's. They've helped a lot.
Anyway, just wanted to keep you posted (it helps keep me on track just to write this out--that way the goal seems more concrete, more official, more documented, less 'breakable'), and to say thank you very much again for all of your kindness. This is a truly wonderful site.
Cheers,
GP
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: On my way to a better life "one day at a time"
Posts: 69
Hi Grasshopperpie. Congradulations on your 24 hours!!! Glad you are here. Something that I am battling with right now is "willingness" the willingness to go to any length to stay sober. Do what A.A. recomends not what I think I need to do. I have been struggling with staying sober myself and in A.A. they suggest 90 meetings in 90 days. Something I never have done in the past so now I am willing to do that because what I have tried has only gotten me drunk. Hope to keep seeing you here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Thanks, Smiles. I'm actually on my tenth day, but I appreciate your encouragement nonetheless. I have to admit, I have resisted going to a real life AA meeting (as opposed to the online ones here) for reasons that I outlined below. I know I really should get myself over there, but haven't yet. I don't know how much longer I can do this on my own (with the help of SR, of course), so it's probably an excellent idea to at least give it a try.
I have to admit, I have resisted going to a real life AA meeting (as opposed to the online ones here) for reasons that I outlined below. I know I really should get myself over there, but haven't yet. I don't know how much longer I can do this on my own (with the help of SR, of course), so it's probably an excellent idea to at least give it a try.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Oops...unless 'your 24 hours' is an AA thing. If that's the case, I apologize for misunderstanding. I'm not sure what the official milestone is after that one. As you can see, I have yet to go to a meeting. 
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Wow...
GP....
so pleased to see your progress.
You may be more interested in live AA meetings if you know what to expect.
Check out the AA forum and look at my post...'Curious?"
It is a sticky.
You and the other newcomers are why I stay at SR...
Thanks for being here!
so pleased to see your progress.You may be more interested in live AA meetings if you know what to expect.
Check out the AA forum and look at my post...'Curious?"
It is a sticky.
You and the other newcomers are why I stay at SR...
Thanks for being here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Recovering
Posts: 54
Thanks so much, Carol D, for the kind words and the advice. Working on Day 11 now. Still have crazy insomnia, but most of the other effects are really starting to wane. Saturday nights are also tough still--actually the whole weekend is a bit more of a mental and emotional challenge than weekdays are. Instead of drinking (which is what I used to do every waking hour of every weekend) I made a nice meal for my husband and me (and I didn't burn it or screw it up because of the booze for a change...lol...it was nice to remember that I was a good cook once upon a time), rented a few movies, and kicked back with some Diet Dr. Pepper. All in all, a pleasant night. Two weeks ago, I would not have believed that was possible without alcohol. Thanks again, everyone. I'm still struggling, but doing well so far.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well GP...
Sleep Link
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
I have always resented sleeping! So I have not tried the info.
Blessings...
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
I have always resented sleeping! So I have not tried the info.
Blessings...
Keep it Simple
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
Posts: 13
I feel your pain and will give you great insight to going through detox @ home, sleeping better, feeling better, meetings, etc. It is very early here in CA...I just got up to get some juice and to make sure everyone here is ok...you will be too
Miss Treanna
Miss Treanna
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
((GP)) Glad to see you are doing well!! Keep up the good work!!
Before I attended my first AA meeting, I came on here. I wanted my friends here to tell me it was going to be ok!! They did and it helped me so much to get in those doors of AA!! You can do it too!! We're here for ya!!
Hugs,
Missy
Before I attended my first AA meeting, I came on here. I wanted my friends here to tell me it was going to be ok!! They did and it helped me so much to get in those doors of AA!! You can do it too!! We're here for ya!!
Hugs,
Missy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
[QUOTE=grasshopperpie][B]Even if I go a day trying not to drink, my hands shake, I feel awful, I can't sleep. How do you do this for the rest of your life?[/B]QUOTE]
Ah,...young grasshopperpie,
You dont shake and feel awful or NOT sleep for the rest of your life. You JUST quit. give yourself about 6 or 7 days. You should be over the withdrawal period by then. You may want to look into medical help though. Two or three years of daily drinking may cause you to go into severe withdrawal or delirium tremens. That is fatal 1 out of 33 times. And also,....make sure you are doing this for you. For instance, would you be quitting if your husband was still drinking? If not or if you dont know,....then you may just be doing this as a novelty. If thats the case, if you husband relapses,...you will probably relapse immediately too. This must be you trying to save you. Not doing this on a dare, or just to see if you can "out-dry" your husband or just to see if you can do it. This is forever. Not for now,...or this year,...or until the holidays are over. This is for the rest of your life. TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
Ah,...young grasshopperpie,
You dont shake and feel awful or NOT sleep for the rest of your life. You JUST quit. give yourself about 6 or 7 days. You should be over the withdrawal period by then. You may want to look into medical help though. Two or three years of daily drinking may cause you to go into severe withdrawal or delirium tremens. That is fatal 1 out of 33 times. And also,....make sure you are doing this for you. For instance, would you be quitting if your husband was still drinking? If not or if you dont know,....then you may just be doing this as a novelty. If thats the case, if you husband relapses,...you will probably relapse immediately too. This must be you trying to save you. Not doing this on a dare, or just to see if you can "out-dry" your husband or just to see if you can do it. This is forever. Not for now,...or this year,...or until the holidays are over. This is for the rest of your life. TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
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