Dream2bClean

Hi,

Well I am here I am always here always reading. Alyways wondering what my life would be like if I could stay clean for more than 30 days. I am not doing too bad right now, honestly I take a pill or 2 here or there and drink literallly a few beers every day but am doing fine in both school and work as I always have. The thing is I took a new job after 10 years at my old one and started school back after 5 years and thought I was ready to take on the world. Lately i notice that my uing and drinking is "controlled" and I havent done 1 stupid thing since I started back a few months ago, but I dont feel like myself. I am not sure who my true self is b/c I can never get more than 30 days clean, but at lest 4 of them this year. With all of the stress I have taken on I am losing it. I am afraid I might fail my math class, and then not get my V.A. benefits anymore, and am very emotional. I just startede going to yoga last week b/c the new job is in the medical field but it is very physically demanding which I like but my body hurts a lot, the yoga really helps and when I go to yoga I dont even think about using or drinking which is almost every day now. Today, I got home from school, studied all day, didnt have to work, and waited all day and for the last 3 while I was working to go to yoga and I couldnt find my keys anywhere and still cant find them. I am so upset b/c I knew that if I stayed home I would just drink a couple of beers b/c my husband is working, and I am stuck here w/ no car or house keys. I have never lost anything in my life before, obviously I am so upset that I am typing all of this here so I dont kick something. I am not an aggressive person, never have been, always the laid back one, but right now I want to cry, punch, kick something and I dont know what to do. I dont know what is going on with me, but I dont know if I can tackle trying to go back to NA right now b/c I work 4 10 hour days, and go to school full time and get VA money for that that I have to get b/c I took a much lower paying job so that I could go back to school, and I have to pay the same bills form when I had a much higher paying job.

Any help you could offer would be appreciated.

splendra

((((w2bc))))

I am hoping that you will try to take it easy on yourself. You have a lot going on in your life.

Maybe you could just try to quit minute by minute or just give yourself one more hour before you drink again. But please whatever you do be gentle with yourself....

hopealwayz

Take care of yourself hon.
You have to put yourself first.
You can do this.