my husband asked for a divorce tonight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Front Royal VA
Posts: 2
my husband asked for a divorce tonight
My husband and I are both recovering from a crack addiction and have been clean since 11/04. We lost everything and almost lost my life to suicide. He has now become addict to a new drug ice and I choose to stay clean. Needless to say it is causing a lot of trouble between us. Of course the addict in him is blaming me for becoming an addict again and now a dealer as well. I got a 2nd chance on life last year and have chosen to work with troubled preteens making 1/4 of what I used to instead of insurance making a good living. I am a lot happier with my new career choice and have only been at it for 9 weeks. My husband however does not understand especially when I am not bringing in the moeny I used to. I know I can't make him give up the drugs. It is tearing me apart that he is doing it again and willing to give up his family to do it. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I have a big range of emotions going on from dispair to relief. What do I do? I feel so alone. I haven't made many new friends especially with my new profession. I don't want people to know I had a drug addiction. I just stay away from people that do drugs. It is hard to make new friends when you have such a huge secret and I don't know what to say about my husband.
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The only thing you can do is continue to take care of you, it sounds like you and your recovery are doing ok, which reminds me, congratulations on the clean time. Its great that you haven't switched to another substance, and have managed to stay in your own recovery. Hopefully your husband will find the inspiration he needs to clean up, and maybe it'll come from you.
Welcome to SR hope, take care of yourself, and keep posting.
Welcome to SR hope, take care of yourself, and keep posting.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome from me too! Good job turning your life around!
One of the compelling reasons to consider a 12 step approach is the fellowship. No need to keep that secret inside yourself...you are not alone!
One of the compelling reasons to consider a 12 step approach is the fellowship. No need to keep that secret inside yourself...you are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi and welcome to SR. :hello2
I am sorry that your husband is an active addict again.
You are in a not so good situation... but you do have some good things happening... your new job sounds wonderful... I will take happiness over monetary any day.
But most of all, I am so grateful for your clean time.
I think you are going to like it around here...
There is a great group of folks here...
Thanks for keeping this drunk sober one more day.
I am sorry that your husband is an active addict again.
You are in a not so good situation... but you do have some good things happening... your new job sounds wonderful... I will take happiness over monetary any day.
But most of all, I am so grateful for your clean time.
I think you are going to like it around here...
There is a great group of folks here...
Thanks for keeping this drunk sober one more day.
Little Girl Found
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
Hey there, sorry to hear about what you're going through...but it's great that you've been able to stay clean throughout it all and that you're doing things to better your life.
I have to agree with what JT said. Before I made the decision to come into AA, I was very embarrassed about my addicition to alcohol and I was always worried about what other people would think about me. I had NO friends because 1. I was always isolating myself--towards the end, I was no longer drinking in bars. It was just me, my cat, the blinds drawn sitting in a dark room with my bottle. 2. I would always push people away with my behavior. Now that I'm involved with the fellowship, I have the BEST friends and I'm always out doing things. I'm doing more now sober than I ever was drinking. It was hard in the beginning because I would always look around to see who was watching me whenever I entered a meeting...now, I can proudly walk into a room...hang out with a bunch of people afterwards and talk openly and honestly about my addiction.
I am what I am is what I am. And, I no longer feel ashamed about it. It's not like I have to go around announcing that I'm a recovering alcoholic, but if the issue comes up where it would absolutely need to addressed, I don't mind speaking the truth. I hope that you reconsider your options, because it is a really awesome fellowship. Oh, and I have to tell you...I hear a lot about how people have a "standing" in their community and they're afraid of what other people would say, but just last night I was at a Halloween party at the MANSION of a very prominent figure in our society who is also in AA.
Welcome, by the way!
Danielle
I have to agree with what JT said. Before I made the decision to come into AA, I was very embarrassed about my addicition to alcohol and I was always worried about what other people would think about me. I had NO friends because 1. I was always isolating myself--towards the end, I was no longer drinking in bars. It was just me, my cat, the blinds drawn sitting in a dark room with my bottle. 2. I would always push people away with my behavior. Now that I'm involved with the fellowship, I have the BEST friends and I'm always out doing things. I'm doing more now sober than I ever was drinking. It was hard in the beginning because I would always look around to see who was watching me whenever I entered a meeting...now, I can proudly walk into a room...hang out with a bunch of people afterwards and talk openly and honestly about my addiction.
I am what I am is what I am. And, I no longer feel ashamed about it. It's not like I have to go around announcing that I'm a recovering alcoholic, but if the issue comes up where it would absolutely need to addressed, I don't mind speaking the truth. I hope that you reconsider your options, because it is a really awesome fellowship. Oh, and I have to tell you...I hear a lot about how people have a "standing" in their community and they're afraid of what other people would say, but just last night I was at a Halloween party at the MANSION of a very prominent figure in our society who is also in AA.
Welcome, by the way!
Danielle
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: london england
Posts: 77
hi , i am glad you have started posting here, so welome, and congrates on you sticking with with.
like yourself my husband is still in addiction, i am clean, it gets easier as time gos by . it is hard trying to keep the peace in a relationship which is unbalanced, the only advice i can give to you is keep on doing what your doing, because there is no price on freedom, so enbrace your liberty, you know the insecurity that addiction brings , but thats his stuff, keep on posting cos its a great place to let off steam, share but most of all give thanks, and to get great surport too......... God bless
like yourself my husband is still in addiction, i am clean, it gets easier as time gos by . it is hard trying to keep the peace in a relationship which is unbalanced, the only advice i can give to you is keep on doing what your doing, because there is no price on freedom, so enbrace your liberty, you know the insecurity that addiction brings , but thats his stuff, keep on posting cos its a great place to let off steam, share but most of all give thanks, and to get great surport too......... God bless
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
WELCOME pshope,,
How cool that is that you are in recovery from a crack addiction, that is so cool, and to do it, while your husband has choosen another FAR more destructive path is so great.. You are truly and inspiration!!! You are also doing a wonderful thing by chosing to work with troubled preteens.. That is giving back,, and giving back is something that helps many people stay clean..
Is it hard for you to live with your husband anyway while he is in active addiction?
If he has asked for a divorce, maybe a separation will be the best thing for him, maybe once you are away, he will realize what he had, and what a terrible path he has chosen for himself to go on.. Life may also become easier for you, not living with someone in active addiction, while you are in recovery, that must be so difficult.
Hun, you need to take sometime to take care of yourself, as others have said.. Do you attend any Recovery meetings? I go to Celebrate Recovery. It's a 12 step christian group. Now that is not what everyone may choose, but there are many different ones out there,, NA/AA being huge,, there you will meet many people like yourself, with many of the same issues that you have, it's amazing, really when you go, how welcomed you feel, and how great it really is to be were so many others understand what you are going through.. There is also Nar-anon, and that would be a good idea, many people attebd that, because it's alot of people together that all deal with the same things also that youa re going through,, and they support you,, they help you to deal the righ way, so you don;t enable your husband,,
Well, it is wonderful to meet you, my name is Becky, I am so happy you found us, and I hope you stay,,, and check out more of the forums here at SR,, there are AA and NA boards, and also a Nar-anon board Give them a chance,, go check them out..
Hang in there hun,
Love,
Becky
How cool that is that you are in recovery from a crack addiction, that is so cool, and to do it, while your husband has choosen another FAR more destructive path is so great.. You are truly and inspiration!!! You are also doing a wonderful thing by chosing to work with troubled preteens.. That is giving back,, and giving back is something that helps many people stay clean..
Is it hard for you to live with your husband anyway while he is in active addiction?
If he has asked for a divorce, maybe a separation will be the best thing for him, maybe once you are away, he will realize what he had, and what a terrible path he has chosen for himself to go on.. Life may also become easier for you, not living with someone in active addiction, while you are in recovery, that must be so difficult.
Hun, you need to take sometime to take care of yourself, as others have said.. Do you attend any Recovery meetings? I go to Celebrate Recovery. It's a 12 step christian group. Now that is not what everyone may choose, but there are many different ones out there,, NA/AA being huge,, there you will meet many people like yourself, with many of the same issues that you have, it's amazing, really when you go, how welcomed you feel, and how great it really is to be were so many others understand what you are going through.. There is also Nar-anon, and that would be a good idea, many people attebd that, because it's alot of people together that all deal with the same things also that youa re going through,, and they support you,, they help you to deal the righ way, so you don;t enable your husband,,
Well, it is wonderful to meet you, my name is Becky, I am so happy you found us, and I hope you stay,,, and check out more of the forums here at SR,, there are AA and NA boards, and also a Nar-anon board
Give them a chance,, go check them out.. Hang in there hun,
Love,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Welcome to SoberRecovery and congrats on being clean almost one year now.That is awesome. You can find a lot of support at this site.I have been off Crack for over 6 months now and this site and the members here played a big role in that.Just curious,have you done NA meetings? You never have to be alone again whether in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous or here at SoberRecovery.As for you husband sounds pretty typical.At one time I blamed everyone but me for my addiction.Stick around and take care of yourself.
You can find a lot of support at this site.I have been off Crack for over 6 months now and this site and the members here played a big role in that.Just curious,have you done NA meetings? You never have to be alone again whether in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous or here at SoberRecovery.As for you husband sounds pretty typical.At one time I blamed everyone but me for my addiction.Stick around and take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hartford
Posts: 13
One of the best things about groups like this is that you never have to be alone, even when part of your life needs to be kept quiet. Think of it this way, your husband has just opened the gate for you to becaome the person you were truly meant to be. I know this is and uncertain time for you, and it's scary, but think how scared you were when you first got off crack. Your husband may have asked for a divorce, but in his own backward way, he's given you the room you need to grow as a recovering person, and as a woman. I've been in your shoes. Let him have the divorce, when he realizes you mean to stay clean with or without him, he might look at that and do something about it. Right now, you need to take care of yourself. After all you have 
to talk to, and help you through this time. There is always someone who has been through the same situation as you.
Take care
kellisch
to talk to, and help you through this time. There is always someone who has been through the same situation as you.Take care
kellisch
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Ahhhh,
You have recieved SUCH EXCELLENT words of wisdom here!!!
You have only just begun here at SR,, and well you have also
only just begun to live also in this new opened up world that
has been given to you.. Painful, I'm sure it is, he is your husband,
BUT, you have made such wonderful choices for yourself, that I believe
this new opportunity can be a really truly wonderful one... Embrace it,,
You have been through much, I'm sure, but this is the beginning of a new life for you..
Hang in there,.
Stick with us,,
Love,
Becky
You have recieved SUCH EXCELLENT words of wisdom here!!!
You have only just begun here at SR,, and well you have also
only just begun to live also in this new opened up world that
has been given to you.. Painful, I'm sure it is, he is your husband,
BUT, you have made such wonderful choices for yourself, that I believe
this new opportunity can be a really truly wonderful one... Embrace it,,
You have been through much, I'm sure, but this is the beginning of a new life for you..
Hang in there,.
Stick with us,,
Love,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Hi pshope, congrats on almost one year sober and all the positive things you have going on in your life!!
Please make sure you take care of yourself and make you own sobriety a priority.
Look forward to seeing you around SR
Please make sure you take care of yourself and make you own sobriety a priority.
Look forward to seeing you around SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Front Royal VA
Posts: 2
Thank you so much for your words of encourgement. I only went to 1 meeting last year when I got out of the mental hospital. I have been thinking about going back and now seems to be as good a time as any. It is encourging to know there are people that really understand how I feel and what I am going through since many of you have already been there and done that. gotta run for now. Need my beauty sleep to work with my kids at school Monday. Again thank you so much!!
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