anger issues, with those closest
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
bfree4u,...
I gave you that phone number,....AND the names of all those centers,...and you STILL wont seek help???? How come NOW and only now, do you bring up not trusting doctors??? How come this wasnt the very first reason? Could it be that this is just the latest excuse that you just now thought up? You come up with an excuse,.....one of us gives you the solution to it,...and then you just come up with another one. We are trying soo hard to help you,...and you just suck up the attention but take none of the advice
I gave you that phone number,....AND the names of all those centers,...and you STILL wont seek help???? How come NOW and only now, do you bring up not trusting doctors??? How come this wasnt the very first reason? Could it be that this is just the latest excuse that you just now thought up? You come up with an excuse,.....one of us gives you the solution to it,...and then you just come up with another one. We are trying soo hard to help you,...and you just suck up the attention but take none of the advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I am doing OK, very cranky. I am doing the booze first, I don't want to end up in the ER.
After 1 week if I feel Ok, I will start cutting back on the pills. Someone recommended checking Dr. Ashton out . I found her website, and will follow her recommendations for cutting back safely.
I did start looking at one of the sites you gave me, and some of the places Earlybird gave me, but it always comes back to my absolute fear of hospitals. I spent too much time in hospitals, and hospice watching not only my father die, but many others I came to know as well. My fathers death screwed me up more than I ever conciously imagined.
I associate hospitals with death, not help. I just can't get past that, for now. I guess I need to work through that, but for now I am still petrified.
I saw James Frey On Oprah yesterday, if he could recovered without NA or AA I don't see why I can't also.
I have been glancing through my NA book, and although I can't see me following the program there are some things I realate to.
I hid my car
Won't answer the door
And screening all calls.
I basically have myself on lock down. Except for school of course, man I love that one friggin class. I think I will take some more political science classes. Our Gov't needs to change a lot of things especially the issue of healthcare.
Most first world countries have what they call single-payer healthcare, which basically means one department within the Gov't pays for all the healthcare, or make it quite inexpensive. No one gets turned away.
In the U.S. the Gov't only cares about making the rich corporations richer, and they are wiping out social services for the poor. that needs to change. So I decided I should try to get better so I can be some type of voice in the effort to make some political policy reforms.
My first goal is to get more people to vote.
Last election only 54% of eligible voters voted, that is ridiculous, I bet if even 80% had voted the results might have been different.
OK! there it is one of my many problems I think way too much! I wish I could move to the Netherlands or something, Healthcare is free, 4 weeks vacation. Paid maternity leave for both husband and wife, no limit on unemployment like here. 6 months then your done.
Long answer to simple question, sorry, I guess I needed to get some frustration off my chest. I am OK.
Love,
Beth
After 1 week if I feel Ok, I will start cutting back on the pills. Someone recommended checking Dr. Ashton out . I found her website, and will follow her recommendations for cutting back safely.
I did start looking at one of the sites you gave me, and some of the places Earlybird gave me, but it always comes back to my absolute fear of hospitals. I spent too much time in hospitals, and hospice watching not only my father die, but many others I came to know as well. My fathers death screwed me up more than I ever conciously imagined.
I associate hospitals with death, not help. I just can't get past that, for now. I guess I need to work through that, but for now I am still petrified.
I saw James Frey On Oprah yesterday, if he could recovered without NA or AA I don't see why I can't also.
I have been glancing through my NA book, and although I can't see me following the program there are some things I realate to.
I hid my car
Won't answer the door
And screening all calls.
I basically have myself on lock down. Except for school of course, man I love that one friggin class. I think I will take some more political science classes. Our Gov't needs to change a lot of things especially the issue of healthcare.
Most first world countries have what they call single-payer healthcare, which basically means one department within the Gov't pays for all the healthcare, or make it quite inexpensive. No one gets turned away.
In the U.S. the Gov't only cares about making the rich corporations richer, and they are wiping out social services for the poor. that needs to change. So I decided I should try to get better so I can be some type of voice in the effort to make some political policy reforms.
My first goal is to get more people to vote.
Last election only 54% of eligible voters voted, that is ridiculous, I bet if even 80% had voted the results might have been different.
OK! there it is one of my many problems I think way too much! I wish I could move to the Netherlands or something, Healthcare is free, 4 weeks vacation. Paid maternity leave for both husband and wife, no limit on unemployment like here. 6 months then your done.
Long answer to simple question, sorry, I guess I needed to get some frustration off my chest. I am OK.
Love,
Beth
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: new jersey
Posts: 36
Beth,
Glad you are ok. Maybe just call the place around the corner from you. They have a web site. Did you check it out? Just because you go to see a doctor doesn't mean that they are going to put you in the hospital. I am glad that you are moving in the right direction, but IMHO you should see a doctor.
Love,
Lynn
Glad you are ok. Maybe just call the place around the corner from you. They have a web site. Did you check it out? Just because you go to see a doctor doesn't mean that they are going to put you in the hospital. I am glad that you are moving in the right direction, but IMHO you should see a doctor.
Love,
Lynn
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: waysouth
Posts: 388
You need a doctors care to get through it. Without it,...you have a 1 and 33 chance of dying. That means one out of every 33 people die from alcohol or xanax withdrawl.
I hope this isn't a case of using 'scare tactics' to force someone to quit the way YOU think is best. I know you're trying to help, but let beth find her way...she doesn't strike me as a dummy. The opposite actually.
Just my 2cents
All the best beth! You CAN recover! But Please let others in a bit, k?
Much Love:SS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Thank you so much Shestruggles.
The 'scare tactics' and many of my percieved forceful advice has indeed chased me away. I am sorry to say for now I have thrown in the towel as far as recovery goes. I just don't want it enough I guess. If I live OK If I die oh well, we all have to go some time. Relatively speaking my life hasn't been all that bad, but recently I am lonely, and depressed, I don't trust ANYONE, not the people at meetings, especially not Drs. and I just don't care right now. I think the people at SR care more about me than I do.
The only friends I have left all use I don't trust any of them either, but I don't let them in either. They think they know me, but they only know what I let them, and that ain't much. My non using friends have abandoned me, and that is OK, I totally understand, everyone should take care of themselves and families first. School was important but I am withdrawing, I don't care about that either. I am very happy for the people that have sobriety, and are living happy productive lives.. Keep it up!!! Maybe some day I will be there to.
Much Love,
Beth
The 'scare tactics' and many of my percieved forceful advice has indeed chased me away. I am sorry to say for now I have thrown in the towel as far as recovery goes. I just don't want it enough I guess. If I live OK If I die oh well, we all have to go some time. Relatively speaking my life hasn't been all that bad, but recently I am lonely, and depressed, I don't trust ANYONE, not the people at meetings, especially not Drs. and I just don't care right now. I think the people at SR care more about me than I do.
The only friends I have left all use I don't trust any of them either, but I don't let them in either. They think they know me, but they only know what I let them, and that ain't much. My non using friends have abandoned me, and that is OK, I totally understand, everyone should take care of themselves and families first. School was important but I am withdrawing, I don't care about that either. I am very happy for the people that have sobriety, and are living happy productive lives.. Keep it up!!! Maybe some day I will be there to.
Much Love,
Beth
In Paradise!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Pair-O-Dice, CA
Posts: 432
Originally Posted by bfree4u
If AA, or NA are my only options you are right, there will be another day 1 post in another week. I am glad those type of programs work for many people, but I need to find something far more secular. I don't believe in the ideology of a higher power, which kind of kills the whole 12 step program. This will probably PO a few people, but I think God and religion was created by man to control the masses, and make people feel less insecure, and fear death less. That is about it. I feel absolutely ridiculous praying. From what I have seen people go from drug addiction to meeting addiction. I feel like they are trying to brain wash me, or like the meeting is one big advertizement for NA. Most people believe in God so it works for them. Maybe I should stop posting since the responses are usually the same. Go to a meeting. no wonder I am angry. There has to be another answer besides meetings.
Beth
Beth
Hey if your not done your not done, no worries go back out do some more research and when you have gone through some more pain, and loss and whatever it is that makes you think you have a problem you will have a little more humility and you will try something.
I mean YOUR thinking got you here so why not trust what YOU think, Thats friggin genious! Why didnt I think of that, Oh wait I DID!
Good luck
ITS A SIMPLE PROGRAM FOR COMPLICATED PEOPLE.
CONGRADULATIONS, YOU QUALIFY!!!
I'll Save a seat for you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: waysouth
Posts: 388
Beth,
Please don't give up on recovery. Do it your way, and keep going. If people here want to tell you it won't work, then prove them wrong. If NA/AA don't work, don't go. But please start taking steps to recover. I think if you really want it, you will succeed, and maybe figure out who/what you can trust, and find some additional help.
I think claiming NA is the only way is an ineffective approach, and, if anything, makes the program less appealing to others, especially newcomers.
Just put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a ime. Find what works for, find a reason to live. Please. You're worth it.
I know the people here love you and only mean to offer you support, but they are getting frustrated that you are not doing what THEY want, but I'm sure all they all just want you to be healthy...
Much Love: ss
Please don't give up on recovery. Do it your way, and keep going. If people here want to tell you it won't work, then prove them wrong. If NA/AA don't work, don't go. But please start taking steps to recover. I think if you really want it, you will succeed, and maybe figure out who/what you can trust, and find some additional help.
I think claiming NA is the only way is an ineffective approach, and, if anything, makes the program less appealing to others, especially newcomers.
Just put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a ime. Find what works for, find a reason to live. Please. You're worth it.
I know the people here love you and only mean to offer you support, but they are getting frustrated that you are not doing what THEY want, but I'm sure all they all just want you to be healthy...
Much Love: ss
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I underatand, why they would be frustrated. I started coming on Sr in around june or july, I can't really remember. well anyway, I am no better now than I was then. So many people have shown love and support for me , but I can't, or maybe won't change.
I owe a lot of people many thanks, but all I can think is that I am just not ready. Then again I keep coming back here, so I just don't know what to think or say. I might consider hitting an NA meeting tomorrow. Its the only one I sort of liked, kinda. I never say anything, I just listen.
I have to see how I feel, I havent had much strength lately, thankfully someone brought me some food today that helped, I have felt like I was going to pass out for 3 days now. I have to be one of the laziest people I know, i wont even get up to make something to eat. LAZY!!!
Bfree
I owe a lot of people many thanks, but all I can think is that I am just not ready. Then again I keep coming back here, so I just don't know what to think or say. I might consider hitting an NA meeting tomorrow. Its the only one I sort of liked, kinda. I never say anything, I just listen.
I have to see how I feel, I havent had much strength lately, thankfully someone brought me some food today that helped, I have felt like I was going to pass out for 3 days now. I have to be one of the laziest people I know, i wont even get up to make something to eat. LAZY!!!
Bfree
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Hi Beth,
Im glad you have the courage to keep coming back to SR.
I believe you want to change and will change, otherwise you wouldn't keep coming here. When I was drinking there is no way I would have been hanging here, it would have been too scary!!!!
I am glad you keep coming back to SR, there is always hope, it can and will happen, visualize what you want and just make steps each day toward your goal,
most of all, stay here, then when your ready you will have support and tools to work your program.
Take care
Im glad you have the courage to keep coming back to SR.
I believe you want to change and will change, otherwise you wouldn't keep coming here. When I was drinking there is no way I would have been hanging here, it would have been too scary!!!!
I am glad you keep coming back to SR, there is always hope, it can and will happen, visualize what you want and just make steps each day toward your goal,
most of all, stay here, then when your ready you will have support and tools to work your program.
Take care
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
ASH
I am on one huge seesaw, hopefully I will find my way before I do some thing really stupid.
You must be right I must want to change or why would I keep coming back.
At least I didnt leave school entirely, I only withdrew from one class.
Today I sarted to think that I am being a big jerk. Life isn't that bad so why am I trying so hard to end it.....
I need to think about that. I was on a hefty binge, but today I decided to give myself a break, and try to eat and take care of myself. Even if it is temporary.
Hugs,
Beth
I am on one huge seesaw, hopefully I will find my way before I do some thing really stupid.
You must be right I must want to change or why would I keep coming back.
At least I didnt leave school entirely, I only withdrew from one class.
Today I sarted to think that I am being a big jerk. Life isn't that bad so why am I trying so hard to end it.....
I need to think about that. I was on a hefty binge, but today I decided to give myself a break, and try to eat and take care of myself. Even if it is temporary.
Hugs,
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Copierguy, how have you been?
I remember your first post, have you gotten over the pride issue?
it sounds like it, you sound much better today.
I know the anger is the addict in me, and not the real me, but the real me is buried far below the addict. Thanks for the reminder. I am still trying to dig my way out of this mess I have been calling my life. I was actually going to break down and try to go to a meeting yesterday, and today, but I have been neglecting to eat, and can't get out. Today I tried to eat as much as I could without getting sick, so I can get some strength back. I am trying to stick with you, and everyone here at SR.
I am still angry, but I am learning to let it go.
Hugs
I remember your first post, have you gotten over the pride issue?
it sounds like it, you sound much better today.
I know the anger is the addict in me, and not the real me, but the real me is buried far below the addict. Thanks for the reminder. I am still trying to dig my way out of this mess I have been calling my life. I was actually going to break down and try to go to a meeting yesterday, and today, but I have been neglecting to eat, and can't get out. Today I tried to eat as much as I could without getting sick, so I can get some strength back. I am trying to stick with you, and everyone here at SR.
I am still angry, but I am learning to let it go.
Hugs
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