focuzd

Well, I stumbled across this site looking for some help and it seems this is a good place to start.

Here's my story. I have always been a drinker, when I was on active duty(age 18-21 - I'm 30 now) with the Army I would drink a 12+ a night. Once I got out I slowed down on the weekdays but drank hard o the weekends. My wife complained sometimes, but after a week or so of controlling it I would be back to my ways. I was never a mean drunk, kind of mellow and loving and I guess that's why she put up with it. That lasted until I went to Iraq in 2003. When I came back, I started having anxiety attacks and could not sleep well. So I started drinking to fall asleep. Well here we are 2 yrs later and I'm still doing it(without the anxiety attacks). Also in the past two years, we had a son, I really thought I would change, but I didn't. I would just wait until he went to sleep then go out and pound 5-8 beers in an hour or two and go home. Now, my wife and I are having problems and it is all due to me and my drinking. I can go a few days, but then I just want to get drunk. Alot has to do with us living with my parents, sometimes I need to get away and I have my "Cheers" and my wife has to stay home.

I have read quite a few posts here and it seems like we all share alot in common. It is good to read that I'm not the only one with some of the same issues.

I do have one question. I it possible to learn to control your drinking instead of just quitting? I don't think it is wrong to drink because alot of ppl do it responsibly. I guess what I want to do is, quit drinking unless at a social event or once in a while. Is this just crazy talk??

Thanks for reading.

Mandybabes

Welcome Focuzd, very glad you are back from Iraq. I wish everyone could come home. The issue of controlled drinking or cutting back has been addressed here many times. Try the search option on the tool bar to see discussions. The long and short of it is that for a true alcholic it just isn't possible. Only you can decide your status as far as alcholism goes. I was a mellow and loving drunk as well, which doesn't seem so bad, except my husband tells me I was basically absent and left him feeling lonely even when I was in the room all evening.

Perhaps you could see a Dr. regarding your anxiety issues. It might also help to talk to someone who has experiences similar to you? Best of luck.

Marilyn

bikewench

Hey Focuzd,
welcome to SR....

moderation....

well.. in my opinion... some can... some can't...
I believe that...
until a person has dug into their psyche to understand why the push to drink...
then they will always be susceptible to the reactions of that... that they don't' understand.

alcohol also has a physical side to the addiction...
the alcohol messes with the blood sugar .. and this will create it's own need...
so.. even if a person knows what's driving them to drink... they still have to cope with the physical side of it calling to them...

the addict in us is always afraid it;s going to get cut off...
so.. it's natural predilection is to ensure it's supply...

the only way to fully get this is to have clean time to compare it to...
it's the only way to begin to recognize our addictive voice and the things it's says to us.

4health

"after a week or so of controlling it I would be back to my ways" This statement to me gives you the answer on moderation. You already know the answer but want to hear it would be ok from one of us. It isn't going to be ok if you're a true alcoholic. Drinking one will just set the addiction back on that edge to take over your life once again. Isn't that the reason you're here? Alcohol is taking over and ruining a meaningful relationship between you, your wife, and your child. Frankly, I am afraid to have that 1 social drink. Afraid that I'd go back to my old ways. I just don't want to deal with all that crap again.

If you go with abstinence, your addiction will argue about whether or not you're an alcoholic but if you think about it, if you're having a hard time abstaining for even 1 week, you've got a problem!!

I say go to your doctor. Talk about anti-depressants (remember that alcohol will disolve any help those drugs will give you), anti-anxiety meds. You might only need them while you quit drinking. You should talk about your blood pressure as well. High anxiety can cause blood pressure and then consequently, heart problems in the long run.

I hope this helps some. Keep coming here for moral support. Have questions? Ask away! Need to vent or cry, we're here.

CarolD

Welcome to SR....

Thank you for your service to our country.
All gave some...some gave all.

For info and personal shares please check out....


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=13


Blessings...

wantneeda

welcome to SR
my name is Wendy, i am an addict in recovery
for me.....i couldn't control it, the harder i tried the worse it got
its the first one i need to stay away from if i want to live
seems the only thing i have control over is not picking up the first drink, one day at a time
keep coming back
hugs, Wendy

Jhana

Hi focuzd,

Welcome to SR!!! Hey, let us know if you ever find anyone who has gone from too much drinking to being able to control it. I shudder to think how many wasted years of our collective time have gone into that endeavor...

Meanwhile you are in a great cyberspace here-many wonderful people who share this problem...

Hugs,

Change4life

Welcome to SR, and welcome back home . Everyone is different, but it has been my experience that "controlled" drinking doesn't really work. I have tried the only drinking on special occasions method, and I alway's ended up drinking regularly shortly after. You are probably better off if you just stop. It will take some adjustments, and you will probably miss your "cheers", but what is more important your wife and son, or the nights out, which cause problems between your wife and yourself. It isn't easy, thank God you survived Iraq, I know you can do this.

Hugs,
Bfree