Chappell

I'm not sure where I should be posting so forgive me if i'm in the wrong place.
Right now I'm on my 1,000th glass of water, I feel like my temp is 150 degrees and I'm sure I'll be throwing up soon enough (you know, the norm except no alcohol to get rid of it). This is my third attempt at getting sober (I think My first attempt was for my parents). I'm an Alcoholic. I've been drinking since Iwas 13, and daily (give or take a few) since I was 18 or 19. I'm 23 now. I have screwed over just about anyone who has ever made the ******** decision of getting close to me (my poor parents and bro/sis did not have that choice to make ), and in the short time Ive been alive I have managed not only to destroy my own life, but partially rebuild it and destroy it again. January of this year I decided I'd had enough. I went into a treatment center and stayed there for 70 days. I made it a total of 103 days sober. In that time I got into the best shape of my life, got a great job, and had the respect of my family again. Hell, I enjoyed being around my family for the first time since I was a kid. After I took the first drink, it took a little while, but soon I was drinking every day again. My problem is this. I can not remember being as happy and healthy as I was for the first half of this year. It's taken me so long to come back because, if I was stupid enough to take a drink again being so happy, what makes me think I won't do it again. As crappy as it is to say, I know what to expect every morning while I'm drinking. A crappy life. But it's constant. I (as ******** as it sounds) know how to live that way. I don't known if I can take rebuilding my life again only to flush it down the toilet later. If there is anyone who has relapsed that reads this, please give me some advice. I now accept the fact that I'm not going to be hang out with people who drink. even non alcoholics. And I've heard people say relapse is part of recovery. I guess it boils down to I'm worried I'm lying to myself even though I'm so sure I want to stop drinking. Does anyone understand. Sorry for all the sideways thoughts on this post. My head will clear soon enough and I'll make more sense. Thanks to anyone who reads this, and for any advice???? I'm just so damn tired of being tired............

amymarie

Chappell-

Hi...welcome to SR...
This is a really good place for you to be right now. I understand so I am quite sure that most of the great people here do as well...
Getting out all of the bad feelings seems to help and so you have made a step in the right direction...
are you in a 12 step program or any kind of program?
I am glad you are here. stay put.

Jerry K

A couple of things to consider at this point.

Having gone through a treatment center, it was stressed to stay active in their continuing care program. I realize that most in-patient centers do not these programs but check in your area and see if another treatment center has that program and join it. I was active in my continuing care program for over 15 months (after 3 months of out-patient treatment) and really solidified by sobriety.

Another alternative is seek housing in a SLE for the next few months. SLE = Sober Living Environment which is generally a group home of sorts but everyone is treated as being independent. While I did not need this support, many of many fellow patients (and friends) found this to be invaluable.

Just as important, do not be too hard on yourself. OK you messed up but you acknowledge that fact and are willing to go it again. Just take it moment by moment, and soon it will be day by day, week and week, and so on.

You did not mention any AA meetings but also urge you to find one that is comprised of individuals in your age group. Out here in the Bay Area there are several that are devoted to the younger crowd.

And finally and most importantly, do not wait and waste all of the years that I did before I saw the "light". The past two years have been the best times in my entire life and this provides me all the incentive to stay focused in my program and stay sober.

2dayzmuse

I would suggest working a recovery program. It is the only thing that worked for me. I couldn't do it on my own. AA works for me. I tried to get sober and relapsed twice. Thank goodness on the third attempt it stuck. I wanted sobriety bad enough and was willing to go to any lengths to get it. Working the 12 steps of AA with a sponsor was what made the difference between drunk and sober for myself. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't do what I did and waste the next 20 years drinking and making your life miserable. Work a program. What a difference it will make in your life. Take back control of your life and choose sobriety.

yoursister

Dear Chappell,

You are doing the right thing and this is very impressive. also, you've figured this out early in your life and so you have not destroyed your body and will be able to make a full recovery if you stick with it. It makes me realize how sad I am for my brother, who is 40, and not nearly as enlightened as you are about the fact that he is an alcoholic and needs to stop drinking. I only hope someday he can realize that if he doesn't stop the alcohol may eventually take his life. YOu are smart enough to see this, and brave enough to tackle it head-on. I hope you can find some great support around you, either thru AA or some other type of group support. YOu deserve to be supported in this monumental effort to take back your life.

dfw_txs

I have to compliment you for thinking about this and acting at age 23! Thats awesome.

I knew I had a problem since my early 20s and I am now 37 trying to lick this once and for all. The problem gets worse and worse. Your health declines the longer this goes on. Isolation from friends and family becomes the norm. Eventually "cool" things like going to bars is relplaced like reclusive things like siting in a room by yourself watching tv hour after hour, getting sauced.

Everything about alcoholism is progressive. Health, lifestyle, poor decision making, attitude get worse... You no longer drink to have a good time. You simply just drink to drink. You get drunk because that is the norm. Not getting drunk is the rare event.

I wish I had acted when I was 23. Good luck

Mister7

Hey Chappelle, Congrats on Day 1! I'm on Day 4 right now but last time I quit for a year. The thing that got me is that I talked myself into being able to just drink on special occasions becasue I made it a year. It worked for a while. But one day just over a week ago I hit the beer hard and long and it had me back in the horrible mental and physical mess I was in the first time I quit. So my advice is never think of trying even one drink, becasue it almost always if not always lands an alcoholic back to where they were before they quit.

phoenixn

You see, nature starts rewarding us when we start doing the right thing! Some people call that "The Promises". It is a law of nature.

Chappell, believe me, I hear you loud and clear!!! After 30+ years of drinking obscene amounts of alcohol, and relapses beyond count, I was diagnosed as a chronic, late-stage alcoholic - with all its associated losses and indescribable hell (for myself and even worse, for others).

The good news is that I finally found something that works for me. It wasn't AA, and it wasn't treatment; but near the end I discovered a practical and scientific solution. I am not knocking the wonderful program of AA because it is flawless and faultless. In fact I am an active member of AA. I KNOW there is a solution for you - be it AA or something else. Keep making effort. You WILL succeed.

ASH

Hi Chappell,
Welcome to SR, everyone has given such good advice. You are so ahead of the game if you get this kicked now, like some of the others that posted I can also let you know if you keep going the next 20 years, (if you make it ) will only get worse, much worse, if you can imagine...
I hope you feel better day by day, (you will), and keep coming here, there is lots of support, advice, and information.
Everyone is rooting for you, keep going!!!!

hopealwayz

Hi , welcome! It is great that you know that you are ready for find your way back into recovery. You had a taste of what it was like and you know how great that it can be. You can use your experience as foundation and start to rebuild. Meetings are a great way to get support because you are in a room filled with people who know just what you are going through and are there to help you go through it. A better life is waiting up ahead and always know that you deserve the better life !