tink360

Hey everyone...ive been posting on this thread that was talking about sex addiction and i talked to my doctor about something that struck me. Ive been molested at age 8 and violently raped at age 15. there was another rape when i was 12 but it wasent a violent one. the thing is that when i mention this stuff i cant cry...sometimes ill get this feeling in the pit of my stomach but i talk about it like its nothing and people look at me like "are you crazy! how is bieng raped like that not a big deal to you!!!" i dont know why and i feel wierd about it because i think it should matter but to me its like well its happend enough for me not to care...does anyone else know what i mean or am i crazy for being like this?
i feel like the second rape was my fault because i was drunk and i blacked out. i didnt ask for a knife to be put to my throught and then raped but i was drunk and careless. so i cant blame anyone but myself right? i was told that i was wrong but i dont understand how its not my fault!
not only that but instead of bieng afraid of sex and men im addicted to rough and violent sex. i dont enjoy it unless its rough and vioolent...is something wrong with me? any advice would be greatly appreciated...im greatly stressed over this!

skinner

Ohhhhhhh((((((((Tink)))))))) I think your lack of feelings could possibly be your way of coping. It is probably much too painful to "feel" so to cope you just don't. But what do I know?

Do you have a GOOD therapist that you talk to about this stuff? You have been through a LOT in a short amount of time.

I don't think ANYthing is wrong with you.......but I am betting you really really need to get some professional help to teach you more about what is going on.

Hang in ther tink.......we are here for you too!!!

laurie6781

Tink:

I do not believe that you are crazy, but you do need to talk these things out with a good therapist familiar with rape.

If there is no "rape crisis center" in Kenosha I know for sure there is one in Milwaukee.

Having grown up in Milwaukee, I had an opportunity to use it many years ago.

They can be a very big help in resolving your questions and whatever issues you still have, including believing you were at fault. YOU WERE NOT AT FAULT because some stupid male decided to abuse you while you were drunk. Being intoxicated is not PERMISSION or CONSENT.

If you wish, you may pm me and I will reply as soon as I get it.

Love and hugs,

tink360

Thanks for the replies you guys, I found something in waukegan which is kinda close by, but the people there seemed very nice and were willing to talk to me about sex abuse meetings. i decided to go to some of those. and it turns out that some of the women there are also in Na. So hopefully ill meet some other recovering addicts in the same shoes as i. Last night i didnt go to bed until 7am staying up and talking to my mother about it. She agrees with the meetings and she also thinks its a way i coped with it. i did drugs to hide the pain and now that im sober its like the things i never felt are starting to creep up on me.
Does anyone know why this could be? why is it that im starting to recall and feel things that i thought i let go? I dont understand it and its starting to hurt to realize that i never respected myself more...I dont know whats happening here but i think im going to need alot of support on my journey to finding out....please help!

splendra

((((tink))))


This what I think.....

Sweetie is impertive that you get treated for the rape!!! It is not your fault you did not ask for it. To me it seems like it is still an emergency and should be treated as such.

If you know who did it to you I think you ought to check with the police to see if that person has any pending cases of rape that you may be able to offer your assistance with... I do not know if there is any statute of limitations on reporting rape but hey check into and work on getting your power back!!

Using a knife to me seems like the guy has a real problem himself. Rape is not a sexual act it is an act of violence meant to hurt someone and it is not your fault know matter how drunk you were. I do not think you are crazy but, I do think it could be very difficult for you to get the correct perspective on your own... I don't think anybody could...

Change4life

Hi tink! I was abused when I was young and raped at gunpoint in N.Y City. Like you I thought it was my fault, because I went somewhere unknown with a stranger. I was high and wanted to get higher. This guy invited me to party with him, the party turned out to be a nightmare. I blamed myself for years.
I am telling you, and you need to hear me loud and clear. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT....
I can't totally relate to the addiction to and attraction to rough sex. For me At this point I am incapable of being intimate, and sex has become something that is more of a chore than something enjoyable.
Sometimes though as disgusting as being raped was, when I fantasize about sex, I tend to relate it to a violent act. I can't explain why, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
More importantly always remember being raped is not the victims fault. It is the abuser that is sick.
Talk this out with someone.
You are recalling old feelings that you have been covering up with drugs. That is totally natural. Feel the pain, work through it, and then you will be able to let it go.
Love and hugs,
Beth PM me if you need to!!!!!!!!!!

pedagogue

First off, it isn't your fault. Any cases of sexual assault involve a perpetrator and the survivor. I prefer to use the term survivor and not victim in cases of sexual assualt. Victim implies passivity and weakness, which cannot be farther from the truth. Being a sexual abuse survivor is not an easy thing. You (like many survivors), have had multiple occurances of abuse. Multiple occurances act more as a compound effect because it further stirs up the previous emotions, and the current ones. It is important that you seek counseling and develop a support network. There are some great organizations out there for survivors; they tend to be local....so call up a hospital or related institution to inquire about local groups.

I am sorry to hear these feelings are flooding you now, but I am happy that you are trying to do something about it.

-p

tink360

Thank you all so much for your time and help. Like AA they have meetings for the sexually abused and i had the privilage of attending one. I found alot of answers that i was seeking and people were very patient in letting me pour out my darkest memories and allowing me to feel what i needed to in the middle of their meeting. Im very grateful for their time and patience as well.
Splendra:
unfortunately i dont know who the person was in that case, i know he was in the navy though and i am far to afraid to say anything about the incident. i wouldnt be able to handle a case like that. In the case of the other 2 i do know who they are but like i said im not in the right frame of mind nor do i have the strength to do something like that. but i appreciate the advice.
bfree4u:
Im very sorry to hear about your incident in NY. its stories like that that i heard at the meeting that helped me to realize that it may not be my fault. i guess i just needed to hear it from some one who went throught the same thing instead of just some doctors who tell you not to blame yourself. thank you for sharing that with me as it helped me to move closer to dealing with my emotions, also it was explained to me that when i first dealt with it i did it by numbing my emotions with drugs and now that i can not hide from myself the feelings ive allowed to built up are beggining to surface. so it helps a little to know that im not a crazy emotional wreck but that it IS normal and thats what i needed to hear.

Neasa

Tink, rape is rape, whether the survivor is drunk, sober or parading down Main Street in her or his birthday suit. Being impaired doesn't automatically mean it's ok for anybody who takes a fancy to, to commit a felony upon you.

As far as your question about rough sex goes, I don't know much about that but I tend to disagree with the idea that folks who are into that are all former abuse victims or survivors of sexual assault. It's just my opinion & I cannot back that up with any data, it's just how I view it.

A clue for you in answering your own question might be: Where does your head go while these types of sexual encounters are happening & how do you feel afterward? Maybe you could talk to your counselor about that & find your answer.

Holding you in prayer.