alliecat72

ok! this is day #2 of decided sobriety, day # 2 out of the 4 or 5 times that i have failed. drinking has destroyed my relationship. i have allowed it to monopolize my life. and i have so many regrets.......i have tried to stop drinking many times before, and i have physical withdrawals that include anxiety attacks, night sweats, sleep deprivation, and irritability. is there any easy way to deal with the side effects im getting? when ive had them before i always told myself, "just one drink will ease the pain". its never one drink....its always alot, and it gets out of control. i want this to be "it".i only pray i have the strength, because i dont have the support around me to ensure i dont fall down. i only know that the past few years that i have been drinking more heavily i have done and said some really hurtful things, and i have not been myself....(i mean the "me" everyone used to know) i have done alot of damage to myself and those around me. i am ready for this cycle to end. when you have been so horrible, and caught up in the bottle for so long is there ever any repairing the relationships with those you love the most? how can you make them love you when you have not loved yourself in so long?

Anna

Hi Alliecat,

Welcome!

I'm glad you've found us here at SR. There's lots of support and encouragement to be found here. I did a lot of damage to my life by drinking too, but there is lots of hope for you to stop. You can't make people love you, but you can concentrate on getting and staying sober. Time will show those who love you, that you have changed. You need to have some patience at this point.

As far as easing the symptoms, just try to be good to yourself. Drink lots of water and try to get some rest. There are some herbal remedies that might help you to sleep, but they didn't work for me. I think Valerian helps sometimes. Each day will get better for you, so hang in there.

Love, Anna

shockozulu

Celestial Seasons' Sleepy Time tea might work. It takes the edge off my nerves and even calmed down my severe ADD cousins. You can even drink it during the day when you feel your nerves getting raw.

nogard

hi alliecat,

Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision and your first day sober. Hang in there and keep coming back, it gets better, the physical stuff will pass, some of the older members of SR may have some more info about that, I did it on my own, but there are other ways like rehab centers.

Whatever you do, just don't pick up that first drink.

nogard

jbm125

Hi alliecat....I've been where you are now and the ONLY.....ONLY...way out is a rehab facility. One where they lock the doors, let you rest, hopefully give you something like atavan or a med to chill you out and have some food you can eat after you start to calm your body. My last rehab was #4. It wasn't till I was willing to be locked down that I could go w/out booze or drugs by myself. It takes a lot to go thru that. It takes more courage to say lock the doors than to say 1 more and I'll be OK. I decided on sobriety quite a few times. Always failed. Always made it for a few days and was by then so sick in mind and body that I'd go buy a 6 pack or stop at a bar. I'd wait till my wife went to work, kids went to school and off I'd go. My family would beg me to go into a detox/rehab facility and I always thought I could do it myself....if only. Only never came till I agreed to spend a few weeks in a hospital type setting. I wish you well and will say a prayer for you. I know if you do it will be one of the hardest things
you've ever done but if you're sober 6 months after you get out you'll be so glad you did it you'll be so proud of yourself and your family will have back the person you used to be. I'm sober since 1/15/99 and thankful the last rehab stuck. Thank God and AA.
God bless

Midas

Welcome Aboard, Alliecat! All the bridges we burn, decimate, and otherwise FUBAR, while in our addiction, take time to rebuild. Some bridges, may in fact, be entirely beyond repair. The withdrawal ''side effects'' can be really unpleasant at times.

Hang In There!

Here's a basic guide to PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) published by Ohio State Univ.

http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/pdfs/Pa...neral/paws.pdf

One common symptom is the feeling your emotions are totally out-of-whack. Your natural skin tone--especially your face--begins to return to normal (instead of a sickly yellowish or bluish hue). Also, you may notice things you wouldn't have given a second thought to previously. Colors appear more vivid, ordinary sounds become more intricate...

CarolD

Please go over to our Alcoholism Forum.

Read the sticky...'Quitting...what to expect'

I also suggest an honest talk with your doctor. There are short term meds to ease withdrawal.

Detoxing alone is not wise. Speak with your doctor please!

While treatment centers have a function...it is not necessary to use one.
Your doctor will advise.


Hope all goes welll...

alliecat72

thanks anna for the words of encouragement. it help in knowing there are people "out there" who have been down the road i'm facing. only god knows,....and a few like yourself, what a difficult path this is going to be......allie

alliecat72

i'll try the tea alera, and will let you know if it helps

degadar

Welcome alliecat,

You're in a good place here - If you can't find the hints and tips here that will help you stay sober forever - you'll not find them anywhere.

Great to have you on the winning team.

Deg.

alliecat72

i think going to my doctor is a great idea carol, but always before when they asked about using alchohol, i always lied....said no, mostly because i was ashamed and afraid to face it......maybe now i'll have the courage???? thanx allie

alliecat72

thank u deg

alliecat72

i'll try not too pick up another drink at all....with the overwhelm ing support i have found here, in just a few hours,....i'm hoping, and praying it will make it easier for me. thanx for the advice nogard!!!!!

alliecat72

midas.......the link is very helpful, thanks!....and im hoping i didnt completely burn my bridges....im hoping the healing begins now......

alliecat72

jim, in house treatment is not an option, i have children to care for, and nobody to help with them,....thanks for the advice and encouragement though!

degadar

alliecat - If you like I'll be your virtual anti-drink bodyguard - If you sign me up you're not allowed to touch a drink without my permission....

.... and you sure ain't going to get it.

Deg.

alliecat72

lol, yeah deg, i guess i do need a bodyguard, especially when all of the withdrawals really kick in. it would help, allie

nogard

wow a pledge thats great, hanging out for the answer


nogard

alliecat72

ok, is 2:30 am, and ive tried the sleep thing, and its just not working.....my palms are all sweaty and anxiety is starting to creep up on me. i have almost chewed a hole in my bottom lip, it will probably be sore in the morning. ive passed my time by watching a couple of movies,but i cant stop thinking about having a drink. i'm not going to, it just seems like the more i try not to think about it, the more i do think about it????i cant concentrate on anything. that includes..t.v. , books, sleep????why does this have to be so difficult? i feel like such a loser, i mean 2 whole days, and im already freakin out. all i can think about is HAVING A FREAKING DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$H!t..... .!!!!....i dont know which is the worst part in this , not being able to sleep,(im used to drinking until i pass out).....or being so tired i fall asleep only to wake up soon after soaking wet from night sweats and feeling scared. odd thing bout that one, what am i scared of?i made it through today ok. i cooked all day. i mean literally, i cooked ALL DAY and when it was time to eat , lol, i had no appetite. (and no i didnt cheat, and eat all day as i was cooking)but i have a harder time at night because thats when i drink. late afternoon/ early evening.....into the night. i always said it was to make me relax after a long day, or it made me sleep better.....i want this feeling to go away....do you ever stop craving the drink? i know people say it gets easier, but does it ever stop?

degadar

Hi Allie,

Hopefully you're reading this after you wake. What you're experiencing is normal.

For the best part of several months you're not going to go very many seconds in a row where you don't think about drinking. But it gets easier and easier as time goes by. It really does. Your brain will be telling you that you'll never ever be relaxed and happy without a drink - it's just an illusion. Chemicals produce stress. Full Stop.

I'm presuming you've woken feeling just as bad as ever, and actually feel like you've had a drink as normal. So go and grab some coffee and maybe something with sugar in - orange juice or something similar and just relax a bit.

To stay sober today and tomorrow you're going to have to build on the commitment you've already made that this is the time you've really had your last drink, ever.

Quitting will change your life forever. I wish I could find words that do justice to the landscape of the place this journey takes you. Every attempt I make makes me sound like some sort of junkie describing the beauty of his illusions and the stillness and calm of his mind - but that's how it is, and in time you'll become as addicted to life, and addicted to the sheer pleasure of thinking again, and waking to a world that isn't hazy and fuzzy. You'll also slowly realise that you're going hours, days and weeks without losing your temper and shouting and the angry hate-filled under-the-breath cursing that's probably been with you for a long time.

I'm writing so much you'll be totally detoxed by the time you get to the bottom lol!

Ok so that's where you're going. Time to plan and prepare for today. Here's a couple of things I did - these are ideas I picked up reading on the internet.

Have you made a list of every situation you've been in when you've had a drink?

If you make a list of all the places and ways you've ended up drinking, then you can (if there's space on the paper) make a plan by each one to avoid that situation.

My killer was always going to be the drive home from work, presuming I'd not been to the pub at lunchtime, I had to drive past my local on the way home, with it's big welcoming car-park, my stool by the bar, and a cheery happy welcome inside.

I struggled to think of a way to avoid it - I could take a different route home and pass the King's head in stead of the Dolphin - but same problem. In the end I decided I had to do something more concrete and I called in the pub on the way to work as the landlord was unloading the drey - (and the tills were closed!). I told him what my problem was, that I need his support, and that he was never to serve me an alcoholic drink ever again. I got a good hearing, I think everyone who spends time around alcohol begins to understand this thing.

So make that list, and so SOMETHING about each one on it. This is going to involve making sure you avoid all the places and people that you can't trust to help you. Now I'm sober I don't bump into many alcoholics - I used to be in their company all the time. I bet it'll be the same for you.

The second list for the day can be a much nicer one. I made a list of all the things I was going to be able to do if I was sober.

Go for a drive
Read a book
Take the kids to the cinema late at night for a treat
Start learning again
Play the guitar
Pick up that hobby you've always wanted
(don't forget how much wealthier you are now you don't drink - so feel free to go shopping, and treat yourself to the things you want - guilt free)

These were all simple little things on my list, nothing big and bold, but all really meaningful stuff that I do all the time now without thinking about it. The list did help though. I've always loved cars so I went out and bought the biggest, most expensive car I could afford - just! I figured that I had to mean it when I decided to stop drinking forever, so there was no need for caution "just in case" I failed.

Allie, that's the one big thought for the day - there is no room for "just in case I fail" - no scope for "I won't tell so-and-so, because I'll look stupid if I drink again".

There's no going backwards, no compromise, no half measures. - It's forward to the place you want to go, or back to the blackouts, sweating, shaking, anxious waiting-for-the-next-heartbeat fear that's driven you this far.

I'll sod off and let you get on with you day now. Have a good one, That's an order.

Deg.