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3 more months to get BA, or drop out for rehab

Old 09-27-2005, 10:26 AM
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3 more months to get BA, or drop out for rehab

I have been trying to stay clean on my own, but it is ridiculously difficult by myself. I have more than one addiction, and I have been using a long time. I can't take living like this anymore, but if I go to rehab now I will have to drop out of school, lose my unemployment benefits, and probably my apartment. I REALLY don't want to drop out of school I have been going part time since 1997, I have my associates, but I worked hard towards the BA, and don't want tolet that go.. Part of me say's I can always go back to school, but a big part of me figures I waited 28 years to quit what is another 2 1/2 months. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Beth
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Old 09-27-2005, 10:32 AM
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I dropped out of school right about where you are at. I was gonna get a BA in Psychology, but my mental health problems and my using prevented me from being able to focus to finish the research and thesis writing courses. Are you going to any kind of self help groups? Maybe an outpatient program that you could work around your school schedule? Have you talked to a counselor at the college? Just some ideas.

Paul
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Old 09-27-2005, 10:50 AM
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OH WOW! I don't know what to say! If there were any way, any way at all to negotiate some kind of recovery program as you finish your degree, gosh I hope you could do that. You are so very, very close to graduating and that is a huge admirable accomplishment, and there are the very practical and real concerns as well as to the consequences. Have you made out a pro and con list? I think doorknob has allready said best what I would attempt to say. I really hope you can find some viable options to realize both your dreams, sobriety and the degree you have invested yourself in. Both are valuable foundations for your entire future.
Gulp! All I can think of is the "Just for Today" approach.
I am sure others will have better information, but I so empathize with this situation. It strikes near to home with me on a couple of fronts.
hugs, love, best wishes, tons of good vibes,
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Old 09-27-2005, 10:57 AM
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Are you going to meetings? Can you get to meetings at night after class? Try not to make any rash decisions. If you get to a meeting you can meet the right people who can probably help...

Since I don't know your using history, I don't know whether you physically need detox for health purposes. But I will say that a degree will be there for you to obtain when you get sober. In fact, getting sober will allow you to do anything you want. Just think about it like this... if you continue using for the next 2.5 months, when that time is up.. you may not be having anything close to a moment of clarity. You might "forget" all about trying to get sober, and stay out there in the chaos for another X amount of years. Also, what if something terrible were to happen in the next 2 months. What if one night you drink too much, drive and do something irreversible. What good would staying on drugs to get your degree do you then?
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:08 AM
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I called about detox, and they told me it could be anywhere from 4-5 days to 2 weeks, and then I would have to start some type of outpatient program. 4-5 day's is possible, but if it is 2 weeks I would have to leave school. I will be heartbroken if I had to quit, that is the only thing that keeps me grounded. I go out of control when I don't have school. I am just so confused.
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:14 AM
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((((Beth))))

All I have is my ESH and that is all that I do have, I know that you and I both can stay sober without rehab for I have done it for almost 6 months now (two more days) and for me it has not been and easy road a lot of problems that I have caused due to my drinking and druging but I know that it will not help to go back to that so I just hang on with all I have. You could try some sort of counsoling or out patient type of thing and still do school I do know that., I will send some thoughts your way.

Love Vic
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:24 AM
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Requiredfield you make a valid point, something bad could happen in the 2.5 months, but I never drive drunk. actually I usually stay home when I get high. I have been trying to get involved with some meetings, but I haven't found one yet that makes me want to go every week. There is one on sunday's, but it is hard for me to get there. I ride by bycicle everywhere, 15 miles is my max round trip. This is too far. Trying to hook up with someone that might be ale to pick me up. My school also has meetings, but they aren't on campus, and I am right back to the transportation problem. It is not like I am not trying, but it is hard to break a 28 year old habit. I will try to go to the schools counseling center, and see if they can offer any help, or point me in the right direction.
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:25 AM
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My advise is to hit some meetings and announce yourself as a newcomer and ask for some phone numbers. Me personally, I hate the phone , but it has saved my ass on numerous occasions. Don't be afraid to ask for help. members of recovery programs (AA, NA are all I really know the inner workings of but I'm sure all programs are pretty much the same) will be there for you.

Good luck and welcome
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:26 AM
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Thanks Vic
love,
beth
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:26 AM
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Beth,

How do they determine how long detox will be before you even get there?

Lynn
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Old 09-27-2005, 11:32 AM
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Just read your most recent post,

Me personally, I have been willing to give people rides to meetings if they ask,
So, Just get to a meeting do my prior advise and ask if somebody could give you a ride next time. Not many people would refuse. Also pick up a schedule there
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Old 09-27-2005, 12:13 PM
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They do an intake questionare over the phone. What are you using, how much do you take a day, How long have you been using, Blah, Blah, Blah.
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Old 09-27-2005, 12:22 PM
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Part of the reason I drink is because I am not very comfortable in social situations. That is one of the problems i have with the meetings. It would be hard for me to start asking around for a ride. I rarely ask anyone for anything. I have ben told thatI appear to feel confident, but the truth of th e matter is I am scaird s*** around people, unlessI am buzzed. I go to meetings, but I have yet said one word besides beth, I am an addict. I hear people go on and on and I wonder how they can trust strangers with what I think are some pretty intimate, or personal thoughts and feelings. I could never put myself out there like that, I am way to raw. It is horrible to say, but besides one person, who I still can't figure out why I let them through the wall, I don't trust anyone, and I think I have become afraid of people. I used to be in various bands, and now I can't even go to an audition sober. I think I am rambling sorry.
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Old 09-27-2005, 01:19 PM
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Beth- First off, I used driving drunk as an example, you can replace that w/ anything that could mean permanant damage, i.e. overdose, etc. As active addicts and drunks, anything is bound to happen when we use. For me, it was all downhill after that first drink or hit. I just got very, very lucky that nothing really bad that could have damaged my life severly happened. But believe me, I did some soul damage while I was out there... And just remember just because it hasn't happened YET, doesn't mean it can't. Y.E.T. stands for You're eligible, too. For example, I've never done coke, but if i were too pick up WHO KNOWS what could happen. When I use, it's ON.


As for meetings, I don't think you're going to find one that you want to go to every week if you're only getting to them ONCE a week. If plan your day around a meeting, ONE DAY AT A TIME, I promise you, you'll find some you really like, you'll start to meet people, and you'll start to feel better.

We're all scared as #$%^ walking through that door. But how willing are you to get sober? If you WANT sobriety, more than you want to get high or drunk you will go to any length to get it, just like when you want to get high MORE you'll go to any length to get it. (For example, I would say the same thing about meetings that were too far and someone would say to me, "But you would have went that far for a bag of drugs, right?" and I knew I had to make the effort.)

It's a matter of life and death here. Sticking your hand in the air and saying "Hi I'm Beth, I'm new and I'm struglling to stay sober and have issues about what I should do about schoooll... and explain everything that's going around in your head (needing a ride, etc)" you will not only get the help you need, but you will feel better, you will meet the right ppl who can and WANT to help you and you will thank yourself later. I've been there. I've done it. I was scared to death. But looking back, it's the best thing I ever did. And I did it because I was desperate to change my life, desperate to end the pain I lived with for years that was no longer getting stuffed by booze and drugs.
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Old 09-27-2005, 01:42 PM
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Ugh... sorry if I came off harsh.. not my intention... having a rough day...


I'll be praying for you...stick around..
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Old 09-27-2005, 02:58 PM
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Requiredfield. NO need for apologizes, there is one quality in a person that I consider the most important, and that is honesty. You should never feel the need to apologize for expressing what you think. (unless your high then sometimes our idea of reality are slightly screwed up).
Why are you having a rough day? PM me if you feel the need.
thanks for the prayers.

Beth
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Old 09-27-2005, 03:40 PM
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Hi Beth,

I suggest trying some online meetings. LifeRing has great meetings several times a day. Lot's of the members are professionals, students, etc. and may be able to give you some advice. There are also many there staying sober without f2f. You don't have to download anything, just go to http://www.unhooked.com/chat/index.html and log in. There's a meeting schedule on that page. If you can hit a few f2f meetings each week, do that too. I'm with Vic, I think you can do this without rehab. I went to rehab once and relapsed. Now, I'm doing it without. Fill up your sobriety toolbox and Git R Done!

Paul
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Old 09-27-2005, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by bfree4u
That is one of the problems i have with the meetings. It would be hard for me to start asking around for a ride. I rarely ask anyone for anything... I go to meetings, but I have yet said one word besides beth, I am an addict. I hear people go on and on and I wonder how they can trust strangers... I could never put myself out there like that, I am way to raw. It is horrible to say, but besides one person, who I still can't figure out why I let them through the wall, I don't trust anyone, and I think I have become afraid of people.
You will never believe this until you go to meetings, but those room are full of your friends...friends you just have not met yet. That is why they can be so open. Go. There is a lot of healing in those rooms...for all of us, you included.

BubbaBob
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Old 09-27-2005, 07:20 PM
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BA or DOA. That's your choice the way I see it. Which letters do you want next to your name? I don't know how bad you are off, but this is a matter of life and death.
The school ain't going anywhere. Get some help IMO.
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Old 09-28-2005, 11:43 AM
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you are right requiredfield. I will try to find more meetings, and explain my dilemma, I am sure someone will be able to give me some advice. I did go to the counseling center at school today and set up an appointment for Monday. Maybe they know a place I can go to detox and rehab while continuing school at the same time.
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