Change4life

Goodnight

2dayzmuse

Because you are an addict? Addicts use, alcohlics drink, that is what we do. If we want to quit and stay quit, we have to make changes, learn new tools. Have you learned any tools and if so are you using them? I would like to help you get through this difficult time, but I have learned through experience, you will likely copp out if you don't find a better way. It does get easier, but it takes alot of work. It is well worth the efforts though. You're almost through another day. Fight the urges. You will feel so much better in the morning. Tomorrow you will find new strength to do it all over again. Take care...

hopealwayz

Addiction uses all kinds of thoughts to pull us back in. That is what addicts do: desire to use. So it is up to us to fight the demon. Try to keep your mind occupied. Find something good to read, take a bath, eat some chocolate, keep hanging out on SR. Just don't make that call because that will only cause you to feel shame and beat yourself up afterwards. Just focus on making it through tonight clean and then deal with tomorrow when it gets here. Tell yourself that you will not use tonight.

Trust me, it is just not worth it and you will regret it immediately.
Don't make that call!

MissingMyHalo

Hi bfree

You're here like lots of us, in need of company, comfort, a kick in the butt...or whatever reason.....we are here.

We all have those weak moments, I know I'm having one now, so I keep reading, and counting the moments for this to pass.

Wish I had a great answer as to why....I'm sorry I don't other then it's our crutch that we reach for thinking it's like an ole friend, when in fact it's our worst enemy.

I can relate to the 'can't sleep'....that does wear me down to, the over the counter remedies help a bit.

I'm here if you want to 'talk'...

hugs

MMH

hopealwayz

I will say a very special prayer for you tonight.
You are worth staying clean for!
You will feel so much better in the morning if you do not use.
Hang in there sweetie!

Change4life

I regretted the thought, never mind regretting the call I am going to sleep. I have tomorrow to f up or I can make it day 2. Hopefully it will be day 2.
Love to all,
Beth

hopealwayz

(((Beth)))

Midas

You can do it!!!

Greenbug

Reaching out? its more like making a close ended statement.
But got the grace fo God there go I....

Luckyv2

We are here for you I am glad that you were at the meeting tonight and I hope that I will see you here at SR again tomorrow remember if there is anything that I can help you with just PM me or you can contact me on ***** or msn messenger or by email OK. Just don't use or drink right now that is all any of us have.

Love Vic

MissingMyHalo

Hi bfree

Here's to another day! Glad you made the right choice last night, and whether you knew it or not, you helped me as well not to reach for that drink.

Hang in there!

hugs!

MMH

Change4life

Today is day 2 again, and I am losing it I don't feel like being sober is any better than be a drunk. I get more accomplished when I am drinking. The shape I am in now, I am useless. I am lazy, depressed, I can't concentrate, and I have a lot of work to do. Most people are worried if they drink they won't be able to do thier homework. Without a drink reading for me is a joke. Nothing like reading the same paragraph over 3oo times when you have atleast 50 pages to go. Life was much simpler when I was drinking, granted I had less money, and slept a lot more, but I was basically happy while I was awake. Now I just want to jump out my window, without opening it. I want to feel and hear the glass cracking. I am not suicidal, but I feel like beating myself up. Drinking in itself was not that much of a problem, OK I drank too much, but I was able to function. The trouble started when I decided I liked coke any way I could get it. When I drink I want coke, I had to stop that so now I have to stop drinking because when I drink I want the coke, when I am sober I want it, but I can ignore the craving. I really don't know what I am going to do. I don't think I should drink, but I have to get my work done, I just don't have time to be sick right now, if it kills me oh well, another name for the statistics book. I am having a bad day.

Beth

2dayzmuse

Sounds like you've made up your mind. You need to get your work done, so that justifies drinking? Do you honestly think you do a better job when drinking? I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt that. I use to think I was so creative and profound. The next day I would look at my efforts and be shocked by how senseless and shabby they were. What a mess. The disease is doing your thinking and talking for you. Don't let it win.

Change4life

The proof is in my grades. Deans list almost every semester. Not one of my professors would ever guess the problems I have. Inducted into the anthropological honors society, all when drinking. Now it just took me 6 hours to answer7 questions, not even 2 pages worth of typing. I am not letting my GPA go down if all it takes are a few bers to get me by. I am thinking I should just finish school the way I have been going, and then finding some type of treatment. Then when I come out I will be clean and have my BA. I don't know what to do, I really don't. I accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic a long time ago, I have a propensity for drinking. Is it good for me , probably not, but look how many people have over eaten themselves into obesity, and diabetes II, how many people smoke, or drink coffee.. coffee is a drug also. I am probably not thinking clearly, and I am extremely angry today. Or atleast the addict in me is very angry today.

2dayzmuse

I understand your anger and frustration. I remember it well. Congratulations on working so hard and achieving such good grades. Education is key...you will get your BA and I don't believe you owe it all to drinking.

What you are experiencing is the fog. We all go through this. Your body is adjusting to the lack of alcohol in its system. I know it is very difficult if not impossible to think and retain information. The solution is not to drink more, but to get past it and overcome it.

You have convinced yourself that you are sharper after drinking. I can guarantee you that is not true. Once you get your brain back to functioning normally without alcohol, you will be much sharper and will be able to study better.

It takes time and patience. Don't give up right before you get there. With each new day, you are one step closer to clearer thinking. I know it is hard to grasp right now because you are in the throws of detox, but trust me on this one.

Comparing apples to oranges (other addictions) doesn't justify the means. I understand you are in a difficult situation. I really don't know what else I can say. I hope you make it through this okay and feel better tomorrow. My suggestion would be: Don't drink.

MissingMyHalo

Hi again bfree!

Someone once told me I was a "functional alcoholic".....like there really is such a thing. I don't doubt you're productive etc, I have been too, the things I did in a year would wow some people, all while drinking nightly, etc.

I've come to learn I wasn't really so functional, and now maybe my body and mind just reached the point of overload from the past few years of drinking, I don't honestly know the true answer.

I'm not going to pass judgment on you or anyone for that matter. You have to make the choice for yourself. I'm hoping for you, you choose to tough this out, and find you can do just as well, if not more while sober.

I'd be a liar if I said it's easy....it's not, my mind seems like it's in a fog for the past 6 days, when I was always sharp as a tack before. I'm irritable, impatient, lonely, and angry at myself. But, fought the urge again several times today.

As I came out of court, what was the first thing I wanted? and I never drank during the day in my life.....and again tonight, a struggle as I get ready for a business trip with great anxiety as I know every night there is a 'gathering' and alcohol will be abundant and free....

So here's lots of hugs and prayers coming your way in hopes they will fill a small empty void that alcohol once filled...

Hang in there!!

MMH

MissingMyHalo

Me again Bfree...

I wanted to share this link with you, reading this helped put things in perspective for me, hope maybe it helps you too. It is indeed "Tough Love"

http://www.washingtonian.com/people/WIL/toughlove.html

hugs and prayers to you!

jpeace2

Beth, where are you tonight??? How ya doing???

Change4life

2dazemuze I know you are right. I would be better without the alcohol, but I can't function in this fog right now. i have papers due and I can't concentrate. I am a lot less angry and frustrated, but I am having a hard time juggling sobriety, and school.

Change4life

HI genie, how are you? I had school last night and didn'tfeel like coming online when I got home.
I guess i am doing OK one minute I am up the next i am down.
I had six days of sobriety, and then I fell, so I was upset about that, but I am back to day 2, and will keep trying. I was really a raging maniac the other day, but thankfully it seems to have passed. The addict in me is not very happy that I am denying it drugs and alcohol so I think that is where all the turmoil I was going through was coming from. The adicted me was giving a good try at sabotaging my sobriety. 28 years is a long time to use, and then cut my body off from what it was use to, but I am hanging in there.