chip

Christina,

I hope you feel re-energized in the morning. You are going through a big change. Hey, it's day 6 for you now! You are doing very well, and I'm proud of you :-)))

I checked out the AA website link for Kern county, and it was confusing to figure out which meetings are open and closed. Each listed meeting has "Yes" and "No's" for things like smoking etc... The second column from the right is "Closed", so I guess if it says "No" in that column it means it's open??

I'm going to an open meeting tommorow. The difference, I gather, is that the closed ones are for people who have started the program already?? I figure I need to learn some more about the organization, and I'm checking out the open meeting to get a better feel for AA. I'll let you know how it goes.

I was feeling really down earlier, and things got better as my night progressed. It really was the people on this website, and the uplifting messages of hope which pulled me out of my emotional funk... This really is a special place to be. I'm looking forward to waking up clean, clear and sober in the morning. I'm looking forward to feeling that way every day from now on.
chip

Midas

Open / Closed-What's the difference?

Closed meetings are generally reserved for A.A. members only, or for those who have a drinking problem and "have a desire to stop drinking".

Open meetings are availible to anyone interested in Alcoholics Anonymous' program of recovery from alcoholism. Essentially General Admission. At both types of meetings, the A.A. chairperson may request that participants confine their discussion to matters pertaining to recovery from alcoholism.

Clear As F*ng Mississippi Mud, isn't it.

The fatigue you're experiencing is from your body's reaction of being physically starved and deprived of alcohol. It can be fairly unpleasant for otherwise active people. Lethargy usually diminishes after a few weeks, but it can continue--if somewhat sporadically--for a couple months.

I've heard some colorful terms for this phase. Gimpy Gettup & Go, 'Lackadaisical My Arse' -- in a way, yeah you could say that.

lack·a·dai·si·cal :adj. Lacking spirit, liveliness, or interest; languid.

Autumn

Hi Chip - I'm so glad you're hangin' in there. I'm only on day 12, and only got my appetite back a couple of days ago. I feel really good, and I promise that you will too. The rough(est) part is almost over.

At closed meetings, people generally sit in groups of about 10, and take turns sharing whatever is on their mind in relation to alcohol. Some people just say a few things, some people talk for awhile. Does this help?

ETA: Also, you have to say "hi", and then your name and that you're an alcoholic. A few years' worth of moons ago, when I first attended a closed meeting, I said "hi", then my name, and then said I wasn't sure if I was an alcoholic or not. They were ok with it. They were ok too, when sometimes I just introduced myself but didn't wish to talk. At some closed meetings, the groups are divided according to which step you are in within the program.

New2Sobriety

Hey Chip...

I was just checking in with you to see how your day is going and to see if you survived your Friday night without getting altered?

I know I had a couple of "pangs" last night realizing it was Friday and I wouldn't be spending it the way I normally spend Fridays, but then the fatigue was so overwhelming that I think it won out. I went to bed and got a lot of sleep.

I'm not sure about the AA meeting right now. I'm getting ready to start work and will work all weekend. Sounds like an excuse, I know. But you know, today is day 6 for me and so far, so good. I'm one of those people who quits things cold turkey, so whether I have AA or not, I'm committed. The only thing I would like AA for right now is to listen to some of the stories and to find a sober buddy I can talk with and reaffirm so many of the things I already know to be true.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello and tell you all is still good with me. No complaints. However, I'm thinking it's going to take a 2-week marker for me before I actually start to feel "normal", if I even remember what "normal" feels like. I realized last night there are some physical side effects to quitting drinking. Much like a meth user who stops cold turkey. Once the brain realizes it's not getting anymore meth, they "crash" and sleep for days. I guess that's how I was feeling last night.

I'm wishing I had one of those dry saunas nearby I could go and use. I spoke with a counselor from Narcanon before I quit drinking. His program costs 20K and is an in-house rehab, but they utilize high powered vitamins and a dry sauna continually to help you detox. Evidently, the toxins are released through your sweat, so the more you sweat, the faster you detox. (I guess jumping up and down here in my room doesn't count?)

Take care...

Write when you can!

Christina

New2Sobriety

To Midas!

Hi and thank you very much for the clarification of Open / Closed meetings. Helps immensely. Looks like all our meetings here are NOT closed. But I can't tell you how many of them are held in Spanish! I think those are the ones I'll go to, LOL. Can't speak a word of it!

Have a great day!

Christina

earlybird

Dont believe any of that stuff you read about an in-house rehab. Rehabilitation means you have changed your lifestyle, the way you think, and thusly, the way you feel about things that happen in day-to-day life. Not just getting the booze out of your system. And sweating alot isnt detox. lmao....thats funny. Your body and mind both have to get used to NO BOOZE. Your neurotransmitters have to start firing normally again and sweat has nothing to do with that. Neuros are messages sent back and forth in your brain that regulates feelings of euphoria, numbness, happiness, pleasure, etc... When you drink like we do, the brain says to itself "This alcohol is making its own happiness and pleasure, I guess I dont have to send these neuros." and it stops. So once you stop cold turkey, you are no longer self medicating AND your brain still isnt firing neuros. So your balance is off, your equalibrium is off, you get the shakes, you may have seizures, go into DT's (which are usually deadly), hallucinate, and have major anxiety attacks. Do you really think "sweating" prevents this? How can you sweat off having seizures? Also, quitting "cold turkey" from alcohol is the dumbest thing you can do. 1 out of 33 people die from alcohol withdrawal without professional medical treatment. And simply not drinking ISNT being sober. Thats just being a dry drunk. You have to change the kind of person you are. Getting honest. Honesty is a huge part of becoming sober. And coming up with excuses on why you CANT go to a meeting is not being honest with yourself, and thusly, being a dry drunk.

chip

Hi everybody,
My first AA meeting went well, and I could relate to the speaker, and the literature. I'm getting my head around the whole idea, and choosing meetings I can attend with my schedule. I'll post more soon, promise. So far day 8 has been a very useful day. Talk to you folks soon,
chip

ps I got a chip at AA ! It was a very positive experience.

New2Sobriety

Well thanks a lot for letting me know it was the "dumbest" thing I could do. I'm sure my liver totally agrees with you on that one.

When was the last time you had your enzymes checked? Mine were just last week, came back at 78 when the normal range is 2 to 45.

And when is all this supposed to start happening to me? I'm on day 6 now. Haven't had any of those symptoms. Wonder what's wrong with me? Oh, that's right. I'm dumb.

But I suppose quitting cold turkey was the dumbest thing I could do, expert.

Guess I'll go grab the bottle right now so I can be "smarter".

Autumn

Hi Christina.

IMO, you're doing ok; you're doing what you have to do, what you KNOW to do, and learning more along the way, just as I am.

Try not to be mad. I don't know if you saw it, but remember a few days ago how I lost it with fuster? I guess some people have a stronger way of coming across. Not knowing fuster, I took his comments as real insults, and it p*ssed me off. Guess he just has a different style, but being new, how the heck was I to know? We ARE NOT b*tches for reacting the way we did.

I feel a lot the way you do about AA, and I've heard tell that there are other programs out there that people have relied on as a means of support. Don't know what they are though. I'm interested in exploring other avenues, though I'm not ruling out AA completely.

I'm pretty cranky today. It's day 13. I feel more like a dry drunk than sober. Can't get sh*t done. Cried for awhile. Plucked my eyebrows. Yipee.

I did do SOMETHING positive though. I wish I could give credit where credit is due, but I read a post by someone on this site where they wrote: "Guarantee - If after 30 days you are not completely satisfied with sobriety, you are entitled to a full exchange of your misery." It stayed with me, and I wrote it down on an index card and stuck it on the wall, under the roll of paper towels in the kitchen.

I know from reading your posts, that you also live with a drinker (you, Chip and I have that in common). You said it hasn't bothered you much, and surprisingly, it hasn't gotten to me yet either. You and I pretty much have the same mindset with regard to this. Pessimist I can be at times, I just wonder when and if it will one day something in my head will snap, lol. The fridge is full of beer. Today though, I refuse to drink. All I have to do is go back and read Stefanie's post from the other day, and find a friendly reminder of what a mess I was. I was blacked out on my last night of drinking for the most part, but I found the truth of that night in what she said; it's almost like she was telling me what I did that last night (with some differences, of course). It really shocked me into seeing the truth about where I was.

I understand too, why you felt the need for the approach you had with her situation. I worked in EMS for four years, so call it the rescuer in me. There were times though, when I had some patients that I just had no empathy or patience for.

I think I read that you're on day 6. Congratulations on that. Keep on keepin' on, girlfriend.

xo

Midas

Congrats on day 13, Autumn!

Oh, about the guarantee thing...That was me...It's one of my favorites. Believe it or not, a member from my homegroup actually handed me a printed sample of it during my first week of AA.

I wasn't sure whether to be p*ssed off or grateful to receive a personal copy of the Recovery Warranty. After a few minutes and a smoke break, I started to see the humor in it.

Autumn

Hi Midas! Thanks for the congrats AND the quote!

Also, for the big warm smile you put on my face.

chip

Christina,
Earlybird is very blunt with his delivery, and he's made me a bit angry before. Try not to take anything like an attack on you as a person. I've felt attacked before as well, and I've come to realize that Earlybird means well. His heart is in the right place, just sometimes the words seem harsh. Remember that in these forums, there is no non-verbal communication.

What is most important is YOUR recovery. Do what YOU need to do. Some people here think they have all the "right" answers etc... I'm of the opinion that a right answer in this game, it what's right for the individual. I'm looking at the AA route right now because it's readily availiable, cheap, and comes highly reccommended. Not to mention that I've decided drinking again is NOT AN OPTION at any cost. I've admitted to a room full of people that I am an alchoholic. This alone was a major step for me.
chip

Autumn,
Day 13!!! You are well ahead of me. I'll get there as well. I've been having a bit of a hard time getting things done too. These last two days I've had headaches (don't know if it's related). I sorta feel mildly hung over.... I guess in a way I have a bit of a hangover...after partying too hard for too long. I can't wait untill I get past the rough stages, and move into calmer waters.

I like what they say in AA about taking it one day at a time. We are all around temptation to drink every day. As you mention Christina, you and I all live with people who drink. I read in an AA pamphlet something like this: "If you have the temptation to take that one drink, ask youself if that one drink is worth all the misery booze has already caused in your life."

I'll be back later tonight. The home computer is really my SO's "toy", and even now my time is up (she works from home, and the computer is for her business).

I hope we'll all talk soon!
chip

New2Sobriety

Autumn,

You are so dang nice! Where have you been for my last six days? I haven't communicated with you before, but it sounds like I have a "sista".

I didn't realize you read my post to Stefanie but that was only my first day here, I think, and I couldn't believe what I was reading. I'm sure she may read this post too so I better not "hate" too much, but I've realized there must be moments of lucidity and alteration for her. I know this forum is for everyone at every level of sobriety, so I promised myself and the power above that I would accept everyone at whatever level they happen to be at...except maybe this EarlyBird God of All Creatures Who Walk The Earth. He reminds me of my brother, so condescending like that. Maybe he is my brother, the one I don't talk to anymore, LOL. That you, Pat???

Anyway, my fridge has wine (which was my DOC) and my husband has been helping himself to it since his first cup of coffee this morning. That used to be our ritual together. Half a cup of coffee then hit the booze. I miss it but I don't miss killing my body. And do you know what I've discovered here in the last few days....?? By God, I can speak without slurring my words!

It's a wonderful adventure, isn't it? I love all the new things I'm learning about myself.

Thanks for letting me share them with you guys. You're a huge help to me, and EarlyBird, if you'd like to post your phone number so we can discuss this, I'll be sure and have someone give you a call....

Did I mention irritation seems to be my biggest symptom I've had yet?

Christina

Autumn

Congrats on day 8, Chip, and I'm glad the meeting was a positive experience for you. It might just be that AA is your niche.

2dayzmuse

Personally, I think terms such as dry drunk are to much to process with less than 1 week sober. I understand what you are talking about, but someone else may not. I think we need to concentrate on nembies getting to meetings before we start throwing dry drunk at them. Easy does it. We don't want to run anyone off.

New2Sobriety

Chip,

Thanks for warm heart and soft shoulder! I don't know anything about most of the posters here, so I guess EarlyBird caught me off guard. I'll try to take what he advises with a grain of salt, but that's how we have to take everything in life, right? Take what you can use and throw out the rest. Sorry if I snapped, or maybe I should apologize to him/her for snapping. (Nope, don't think I will.)

Like I said, I'm highly irritable right now but I can deal with me. Just can't deal with others right now who ruffle my feathers. Maybe it's time for a smoke.

Autumn...

I was just re-reading what you last wrote. This is in no way meant to be mean to Stefanie, but I think it would be useful if I can find that original post of hers to print it out...I think we all should print it out, so we can remind ourselves what we were like when were in the bottom of the trash can. Use it as a mirror from our past. I know that would keep me motivated to stay clean and clear-headed.

Just wanted to mention that!

New2Sobriety

What in the hell is a "nembie" ???

Don't bother to answer, I know what you were trying to say. I just don't understand why you wouldn't take the time to spell it correctly if it's so darn important.

Told ya I was irritable. You want some more?

I'm editing this to say...I think I'm gonna take a break for now. I'm taking offense to everything at the moment unless my "buds" are the one posting, and I guess that's the precursor to having CONVULSIONS, HALLUCINATIONS, HOMICIDAL IDEATION !! Oh My! Strap me down!

Autumn

Thanks Christina. Yep, you do have a *sista*. I'm sorry too, that we didn't meet up sooner. Maybe we joined on the same day; not sure though.

I think so too, but since I don't know her well enough, I can't pre-judge. But that is the impression I get. Hopefully she will stick with it this time. Many of us alkies have slipped up at times. Her state of mind that day horrified me. That's funny.... my brother is EXACTLY the same way. EarlyBird God of All Creatures, huh? Lol.... I called fuster a "demi-god preacher in a land of lost souls". After you can cool down a bit, re-read earlybird's post. There are some truths in there, though not all of them may apply to you.

Feels good, doesn't it? BTW, if you're still lethargic, make sure you're eating right and taking some vitamins, if you haven't tried this already.

Now, now....

You're not alone.... the last few days I was feeling great, and then *BAM*! I took a real emotional crash. I had a lot of things to get done today too, since it's my day off. But since I stay up late, maybe I'll manage to get a few things accomplished.

Hopefully I'll feel better soon. You will too, I know! PM me if you need to rant!

Autumn

Thanks for your positive thoughts, 2dayzmuse. A post for sore ears.

Autumn

Another thought for you. I read in one of your posts that you smoke. I do too, and I have been smoking a lot more since I quit drinking.

On the Nicotine Addiction forum, I started a thread on the Great American Smokeout, which is November 17th. I have chosen this as my quit date. Though I'm concentrating on being sober, I have planted the seed to quit smoking as well. I think it will also be one more thing to keep my mind focused on something else besides alcohol.

I thought I would share this with you, if you think you might be ready to quit by then, or have the desire to.

xo