Don S

Sounds like my kind of business...

Put 3 Tbsp of salt in it and use it in cooking. Works for me when folks give me bottles of nice wine.
Don S

New2Sobriety

Hi and good morning Chip..

Not much time to write, it's early here (6:00 a.m.) and I have to get the household moving.

The wine is not for me. It's for my DH, who still finds it necessary to drink every day. In fact, I even bought it for him. If he chooses to drink, that's the ladder he has to climb, not me. When he's ready, he'll do the same as me...or not!

It doesn't bother me to have alcohol in the house because I know I'm not touching it. It doesn't even softly call my name. I think once or twice I've had to remind myself "I don't drink anymore" when I've thought about sitting down here late at night to work (I do medical transcription from home)...because I used to like nothing better than to sit here and type out 5 or 6 reports while having a few glasses of wine. It would "up" my production and "relax" me at the same time, but now I just do it with something else to drink. I find that I enjoy simple beverages so much more now than I ever did before. I actually can feel myself getting excited over maybe having something I haven't had for awhile, like a root beer, or a good glass of apple juice. These are things I never would have enjoyed before.

Anyway, I will come back and tell you what the doctor says. My appointment is at 9:15. I'm down a whole whopping 2 pounds this morning after nearly 5 days sober. Not as much as I was hoping for, but I can definitely tell the bloating in my rib cage and below is decreasing. My stomach doesn't feel tight as a balloon anymore, not that I looked like a balloon, but I sure felt like one.

Hope you'll check back in soon and let me know how your day is going!

Bye for just a little while...

Christina

P.S. I love this "no hangover" thing in the morning!

Oh, and where the heck is it that you live? (Just curious about the place you have listed and your time zone.)

Autumn

Hi Chip!

Sorry it took me so long to respond as quickly as I thought I would. Here I am!

I understand your apprehension about AA. I have been to the meetings before, both closed and open. I didn't stick with it, but I'm going to go soon, and try again (fuster talked me into it).

Try going to an open meeting first. At an open meeting, you don't have to say anything. There are speakers at those meetings, and I personally always liked hearing them share their stories of abuse and road to recovery.

I also understand how you feel with regard to a "higher power". I'm not a church-y kind of person either. AA stresses a higher power within their philosophy, but it doesn't have to be *God*, per se. It's just about believing that something bigger than yourself exists. AA's Big Book explains this. If you don't have a copy, you can get one at a meeting, and regular bookstores have them as well. I liked livenletlive's post about the Big Bang Theory, lol!

Anyway, just wanted to share these thoughts before I'm off to get ready for work.

Have a great night!

xo

chip

Hello friends,
I'm not feeling so great today. I had a good nights sleep, and it's wonderful not to have a hangover...but I've got the end of the week blues, I guess. Friday nights have always been a trigger for me. I've promised myself that I won't drink today, and I won't. I just have a bit of anxiety laced depression. I will feel better once my night gets going, and I'll post some more then. DonS, Christina and Autunm I'll reply tonight........
peace,
chip

New2Sobriety

I'm sure sorry you're not feeling well Chip. I was hoping my inspirational buddy would be feeling tip-top, but it's certainly understandable. Those triggers are out there everywhere and we just have to meet each one of them head-on. The best part is you realizing it is a trigger. Then it's manageable.

Well, as for me, I'll be having an ultrasound of my liver next week. The doc thinks it could just be a "fatty" liver since my cholesterol is up, also, but he just wants to be sure there's no tumor or anything. He also said since I haven't been drinking for five days that my numbers on the liver enzymes have probably come down quite a bit. That's encouraging, but not encouraging in the way that I'll go back to drinking just because everything "seems" to be okay. It's funny how doctors think of every reason in the world why my numbers were elevated besides drinking. I actually have to offer to him that I've been a daily drinker for so long..and then he just kind of looks down and says "Oh...okay. Well, yes, then that is the reason for the elevation!". He asked everything first, such as...have I ever had a transfusion, was I ever out back shooting up with the boys (his exact words!), and when I tell him no, no, but...I have been a big drinker...then he realizes! Maybe I don't look like the sterotypical drunk. I suppose most people don't.

Anyway, get to feeling better. Stay out of the trash can.

I'll check back here a little later.

Christina

Midas

Chip Chip Chip! Is this day 7?? Here, have this little token of progress!!



Hey N2S! About the liver function--enzyme levels will begin dropping slowly--unless you have additional complications such as Diabetes, Hepatitis A/B/C.

As long as there isn't any severe scar tissue, the liver can still heal itself. In an advanced stage...let's just say it's bad news.

When I went to the hospital in my 2nd week of sobriety to have some blood tests done, I made sure they were going to run a 'Full Spectrum Screening'.
I was in the waiting room literally shitting bricks I was so nervous-scared-worried-petrified. My arm was so tense it caused the needle to bend as the nurse attempted to draw the blood sample.

She hesitated a moment, "What in the...? Well I've never seen that happen before."

"I must be a bit wound-up, huh?"

"Oh just a teensy bit. Don't make me fetch the porta·potty and whack you over the head with it."

"Kinda like that stainless steel one over there?"

Needless to say, that convinced me to relax a bit!

Anyway...fast forward 3 days. The charge nurse called me on the phone to relay the test results. In my head, ''Ummm. Shouldn't I be sitting down for this type of news...''

Much to my amazement and disbelief, she said ''Mr. Midas, I'm happy to tell you the results are flat.''

WTF!! ''FLAT??''

She chuckled lightly, "You're going to be fine, Mr. Midas. Have a good day."

Another HUGE benefit to getting sober & staying sober--is the positive effect on your blood pressure. My blood pressure was 195/95 when I went to the clinic intake. My body's core temperature was 103.5°F (40°C). One month later, my blood pressure was steady at 115/80 with normal body temperature.

livenletlive

Ahh, the ups and downs of sobriety. That's all good Chip. Chances are you will feel much better tomorrow. Don't forget you took a damaging crutch away from you. Your emotions will go all over the place. The more positive things you do to stay stopped, the further you get from a drink. And, vice versa, the negative things you to or think, pull you closer to a drink. If you are going to try AA, give it a full chance. You will have bad meetings and you can check one of my posts in the AA section. I was very unhappy with a particular meeting and have since then changed my venue. I am much better now. Well, I see you are making progress, and progress comes with bad days and feelings too. My HP gives me bad thoughts and days to make me more aware how sweet good days are, days that need to be relished. No pain, no gain sometimes. But, you will have more gain and less pain by staying sober.

All the best.

Rob

New2Sobriety

Hey Midas...

Thanks for all the good information. You sound like you've been around the block before! I appreciate your input.

Oh, BTW, I want one of those 1 week tokens in two days, too!

I'm a little worried about Chip but perhaps he truly isn't feeling well or isn't around to post. Just hope it's not a bad sign, slippage.

Can I ask you how long you've been sober? I've read about a lot of people slipping and coming back to the forum, but for the most part, am I reading from people who have chosen NOT to drink entirely in their lives? I ask because this is what I chose for myself, but now I'm starting to encounter those who think just a little is okay. Or that repeatedly slipping is okay. This includes the doctor I saw this morning. He told me a glass of wine per day is actually good for you. I cut him off and told him no thanks. There is no such thing as a glass of wine a day for me. It's an oxymoron for me.

I like coming here to talk with those who are sober and have maintained that sobriety. That's who I need the mentoring from right now. Some of the posts here are from people who seem so desperate and helpless, and I can't allow myself to read much of those posts. For me, it's a step backwards. That may make me sound heartless, but I can't focus on the What-If's and Maybe's right now from people who are vacilating about this subject. If I'm going to succeed with this sobriety, I have to give it physically and mentally 110%, and that does not include involving myself in the posts from people who aren't sure, or slipped up, or just truly are not ready to quit. I sound like an ogre there, but I know what it takes for me personally to succeed, and I suppose I have to go overboard with it. My life is worth me going overboard if it's a healthy endeavor.

Okay, I've rambled now. Thanks for reading this. I suppose I'll turn the floor over to the next speaker.

Christina

chip

Don S- I love cooking with wine. Red wine for tomato sauce and white wine for cream sauce. Adding the salt is a great way to stop the temptation to sip and cook! Our "crowd" is young university students, and some of them were shooting waterpistols at the band....good kids having fun (but what a mess).
chip

Autumn I am going to an AA meeting tommorow. I also decided it would be best to go to the "open" meeting first...get my feet wet and all. I like the idea of the "higher power" being open to interpretation. I'm not sure what my idea of "God" is. I was raised in a loving, but strict christian home, and I've abandoned the "churchy" thing long ago. I'm optimistic about AA, and I'm approaching it with an open mind.

I hope you have a good night at work.
chip

Christina You are my inspirational buddy! I'm feeling better now that I'm working. I will keep out of the trash can tonight. Not having any alchohol in my system makes it eaiser to not have that first drink. When I was trying to "control" my drinking, it was a losing battle because I always had the booze in my system....and it hurt when it started leaving my system. I don't want to take that first drink, because the pattern of my life shows that one leads to another.

Beverages do taste better. I've really been enjoying V8, pink grapefruit juice, soda, and all sorts of "healthy" choices. Food tastes better, and overall my senses are much "sharper". Life is much better without drinking, and I feel like I've come out of a fog. I'm with you...no going back!

I've booked a doctors appointment for next week. I've been a heavy drinker for almost 14 years now (and a binge drinker before that). I'm hoping I've stopped in time to save my health in later life. My "guts" used to ache sometimes when I was really hitting the bottle hard. I got some really bad chest pains on day 1 (so bad I felt like I was having a heart attack). I feel some hypertension and tightness in my chest when I get "worked up". I'm practicing deep breathing to help with anxiety. I'm also avoiding caffiene (which I guess I'm addicted to as well). Things will be alright.

It's good to hear things went well with your doctor. I think your decision and conviction not to drink is the best thing you can do for your health.

My wife still drinks every day, but I it doesn't bother me. I'm around people who are drinking so much, I've got to deal with it. I usually drank alone, after the party was over. On Friday nights, I walk around talking to patrons and joking with people etc... when they all would leave, and it was closing time, thats when I'd start pouring my drinks. Over the years I've had so many negative experiences with other people's drinking problems...I've become jaded and cynical about the "scene". I hope I can lose that negativity, and make myself into a better person.

I will not drink, and I'm committed to that. I know I keep repeating this, but I must. I repeat it to myself. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself I will not drink. I need healing and I need to recover.
chip

Mr. Midas Thank you for the one week token!! Day 7, and I'm proud. If a year ago, someone told me I'd go a week without drinking....I wouldn't believe it. This is an accomplishment for me. I feel good about it, but I'm not going to let over confidence lead me backwards. I'm going to get involved with AA, and I want to do the work I need to do to really recover from this illness. I am an alchoholic, and I do want to change. Thank you for your support!
chip

Thank you SR people for helping me along the way. I would not be sober right now if it weren't for the help I've gotten here. You folks convinced me to take the right steps on the right trail. I will continue on this road, and I will recover.

Midas

It's DO or DIE in sobriety. All or nothing. I've seen what happens when people half-assedly stab at stopping, as opposed to laying out a solid foundation. Sobriety is a PLAN of action. To some folks the 'P' word makes their skin crawl. Program.Program.Program!

One of the Founding Fathers of our Constitution wrote in his journal, ''The worst course of action any man can take, is the course of inaction."

I don't mind you asking about my sobriety. I'm celebrating 3 years of continuous uninterrupted sobriety coming up Nov. 14 -- It hasn't been a cakewalk through rose petals, that's for sure. I sincerely didn't think I would survive the first 3 days!! Once I stopped struggling with the control issues, I had 3 months before I knew it.

Going to regular meetings helped me tremendously. The usual recommendation is 90 meetings in 90 days. I attended 120 meetings in 90 days. Big Book readings / meetings like crazy. By my 3rd month in AA, I was defeated. My addictive voice had finally had enough, so it threw up its hands in disgust and marched right out the door.

LOL!! Good for you. There is truth in his remark, but that only applies to normal people. One glass??? Are you nutz? hehehe. Whew.

chip

Midas-
I'm lurking about tonight, and I will be around my computer. All or nothing, do or die for me! I've been talking about doing this for some time now, I remember telling a bartender 2 years ago that if I couldn't control my drinking, I'd stop. Guess what? I have no control over my drinking. I give up, I cannot drink anymore. I'm getting through the first step here....I refuse to keep "controling" my drinking. I am powerless to the power of alchohol.

Before I quit, and I was on this site with my "cutting back" plan...someone said "once you try and control your drinking...you probably are out of control". Normal people don't have to plan when they drink, or consiously limit themselves ect.... One drink is too much, and a thousand are not enough. I'll stay away from that one drink, and that's a long term plan....bye bye booze
chip

Midas

Right ON, Chip! I often entertained the thought of trying moderation. The same conclusion presented itself every time. I could get past the first two ok, but the 'tether that holds me together' breaks, and suddenly I turn into a loose caboose. I'd drink myself into oblivion.

PS: You're welcome for the chip, Chip.

livenletlive

I remember when I was drinking wine, I thought 6 glasses might be extra good for my blood and heart. I was a perfectionist and an overachiever. Red wine, of course.

livenletlive

Right along with ya Chip. I am still pulling for ya. We have the same profession and I know how hard it can be. I just don't go to the bar and grill at night. I take care of all my business during the day. I give you my respect. Just stay focused. Someday, I may be able to stop in at my place at night for a while and check up on things. But, we are making it work this way for now.

chip

Liveandletlive- I'm a real "hands on" guy. At times I'm the cook, bartender and bouncer... We have a night staff, but I always show up and I prefer to do business at night. During the day, I'm working on getting another business started up...but it's more of a artistic pursuit, a hobby type thing. This has been off and on and on hold basicly because of my drinking. Now that I'm working on sobriety, I hope this pursuit will take off. I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I'm an aspiring artist...

On Friday nights I usually make sure to talk with patrons, and make people feel welcome at "Chip's" (fictional name). I got used to doing this WITHOUT drinking several years ago....so I dont' really have urges to drink while I'm working. I stopped drinking "on the job" for several reasons, including a nasty incident with the police.

My drinking was always during closing time, and after....sometimes untill daylight. Tonight, when I close up, I will go home and have some herbal tea. I want to make sure I'm feeling sharp for my AA meeting tommorow!!!
chip

livenletlive

Well, the longer you stay sober, your hopes will come reality. Go for it.

And, I like that you make your patrons feel welcome. Mine are usually all on drugs and drunk by now, so they can do without me although I feel guilty for not going there at nite. My bartenders are great so, I am not too concerned with money issues. I may install an eye in the sky above the bartender. We don't have one of those internet ones, so I can't monitor.

New2Sobriety

Hey Chip, and Midas, and Livenletlive,

Just stopped in and saw a nice conversation had been going on since I was last here!

I wanted to say, I think I finally hit the wall - is that the right expression? I thought for the last 4 days how good I was doing, not drinking, taking vitamins, no withdrawals, no cravings, no desires...my Kung Fu body and Kung Fu mind weren't letting me down when it came to stopping the alcohol. But then about 3 p.m. today, this utter exhaustion just overcame me. I cannot tell you how incredibly tired I am. I'm not a "tired" kind of person, don't take naps, or anything like that. But I feel like I'm in a fog and can hardly put one foot in front of the other. I'm wiped out! I realize my body has finally begun to understand that it is NOT getting any more alcohol, and this is the reaction. For days I think those receptors in my brain were thinking "Where's the booze? Where's the booze?"....and I think my brain/body just finally realized today it's not getting anymore. And then my brain/body decided to shut down.

Man, I'm going to bed and hoping to wake up refreshed and energized in the morning. I don't care if I have to make a pot of Zinger coffee then...twice the coffee grounds, but I'm determined to feel better in the morning. I'm also determined to get through whatever this phase is of sobriety. I should have known I wasn't going to get away Scot-free. I will say, however, this is the longest I've been sober for at least 15 years. That's a helluva accomplishment for me!

Hey Chip, write back and tell me how the AA meeting goes. I told my DH I was trying to find one here to go, but I see in posts where some are open and some are closed? How do you know the difference? I could share with you the web page for our county's AA meetings, but I have no idea what is opened and what is closed. I wouldn't want to show up at the wrong one...

Kern AA meetings

Anyway, I hope you'll let me know how it goes. I'm like you...definitely into a higher power, a universal creator, but I don't believe it's someone with long hair and a white robe walking around in sandals with a glass of wine in his hand!

You take care and I'll be back soon (sober at that!)

Christina

New2Sobriety

And Chip...

I keep forgetting to tell you, your stories about the restaurant/bar remind me so much of when I was cocktailing. Me, the other waitress, and the bartender would just get sh*tfaced even while we were working. I remember one time being so bombed I had to tell the customers to go get their own drinks from the bar because I was too drunk to do it for them. We'd go in the back and do shots of Rumpleminz and then go back out and try and serve the customers. Other times, we'd wait until closing and then stay in and drink whatever we wanted and throw darts until the sun came up. But the restaurant opened back up at 6 a.m. so we had to leave before the morning shift came. But that's what a dedicated employee I was!

I can't believe it when I look back at the all years spent in an alcoholic haze. Who knows? I could have been a neurosurgeon by now!

I only have today now. And today will turn into tomorrow. But all those tomorrows at least will not be spent altered anymore.

That's my promise!

kckman

Chip, good luck.

chip

And, I like that you make your patrons feel welcome. Mine are usually all on drugs and drunk by now, so they can do without me although I feel guilty for not going there at nite. My bartenders are great so, I am not too concerned with money issues. I may install an eye in the sky above the bartender. We don't have one of those internet ones, so I can't monitor.[/QUOTE]

Liveandletlive,
In July, I had a bartender who ripped me off $800. I have no proof it was him either. I know good people can steal sometimes... if they have opportunity. I've thought about installing a security camera over the bar. Our customers are university kids and yuppies, and my staff are all university kids....now. The bartender who ripped me off was an older, "experienced" bartender. I have suspicions that he sold some of his own booze while I was away...

This shop talk is really off topic, but it's nice to chat with someone else in the industry who shares the same quest for sobriety.
chip