New and hoping to quit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 1
New and hoping to quit
Hi all,
I'm new and am glad to have found this place, it's amazing!
I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I'm 28 years old and I've had a real problem with alcohol since I was 18. I think I drank a little before that, and even though it would be weeks between drinks I knew I had a problem. Others would go along to a party and take a four-pack, I'd take along two four-packs just to make sure I didn't run out. Everyone else would know when to stop but I just kept drinking.
For a few years I kind of regulated my drinking a little, I'd just have one beer a night. Now I'm married and we live with just the two of us. Alcohol is very easy to obtain as our local shop is only 1 minute walk away. Most nights of the week I will get a bottle of wine and drink it. Sometimes if the OH fancies a drink he'll go and get a bottle for us to share, but if I'm left alone I'll go and get another one because 1/2 a bottle just doesn't seem to be enough. I'll also drink beer if I fancy a bit of a change and can happily drink 6 or 7 cans in an evening.
Over the last year or two it is becoming a real problem. I occasionally drink so much and fall asleep in front of the TV or computer. I can wake up at 2am having pretty much passed out two or three hours before. Once or twice my hubby has found me like this but has been unable to wake me up to get me to bed.
I can go without alcohol for a few days with no ill effects, but I know this doesn't mean I'm not an alcoholic. I always give in and get more. I don't really know why I drink but I feel compelled to. I suppose part of it might be habit after all these years, part psychological, part numbing-life or something.
It is refreshing the odd day or two that I don't wake up hungover, but more often than not I am hungover. My heart will race in the morning, I take Alkaselzer and Andrews salts to work to make me feel better during the day. I feel down a lot of the time and get angry quite easily, for no real reason other than I thought of something that happened years ago. I have no confidence, don't really take an interest in others (scared to let them get to close to me, I don't trust people and am scared they'll judge me). I don't like talking to people, especially after a heavy night as I don't want to concentrate on having a conversation, plus I don't want them to smell alcohol on my breath. In the last three or four years I've been binge-eating too, so I've put on some weight and this has made me feel even worse about myself.
I know I need to quit drinking. I would limit it to a beer a night but how long could I keep that going for? I don't really know myself at all, I feel as if no one knows the real me. I'm so ashamed because a lot of people know that I drink too much, though maybe they don't know how bad it is. Even my OH doesn't know just how bad it is (at least I hope he doesn't as I try to hide it). I want to be a healthy, confident, fun person! But I don't know if I can be. When I was younger my mum used to describe me as 'boring' because I tend to be more comfortable on my own and I didn't socialise much (didn't know how). Alcohol blocks out the pain and makes me feel better, even if it is only for a few hours. It is something to look forward to after a hard day. I say this but I know it's not true, alcohol really makes me feel worse, I'm just too caught up in it to see.
Oh dear, I was only supposed to be quickly introducing myself and have ended up giving away half my life story! Apologies for coming across as being a bit down, I know I have a problem. I need to get positive to help beat it!!!
Newname
xxxx
I'm new and am glad to have found this place, it's amazing!
I admit it, I am an alcoholic. I'm 28 years old and I've had a real problem with alcohol since I was 18. I think I drank a little before that, and even though it would be weeks between drinks I knew I had a problem. Others would go along to a party and take a four-pack, I'd take along two four-packs just to make sure I didn't run out. Everyone else would know when to stop but I just kept drinking.
For a few years I kind of regulated my drinking a little, I'd just have one beer a night. Now I'm married and we live with just the two of us. Alcohol is very easy to obtain as our local shop is only 1 minute walk away. Most nights of the week I will get a bottle of wine and drink it. Sometimes if the OH fancies a drink he'll go and get a bottle for us to share, but if I'm left alone I'll go and get another one because 1/2 a bottle just doesn't seem to be enough. I'll also drink beer if I fancy a bit of a change and can happily drink 6 or 7 cans in an evening.
Over the last year or two it is becoming a real problem. I occasionally drink so much and fall asleep in front of the TV or computer. I can wake up at 2am having pretty much passed out two or three hours before. Once or twice my hubby has found me like this but has been unable to wake me up to get me to bed.
I can go without alcohol for a few days with no ill effects, but I know this doesn't mean I'm not an alcoholic. I always give in and get more. I don't really know why I drink but I feel compelled to. I suppose part of it might be habit after all these years, part psychological, part numbing-life or something.
It is refreshing the odd day or two that I don't wake up hungover, but more often than not I am hungover. My heart will race in the morning, I take Alkaselzer and Andrews salts to work to make me feel better during the day. I feel down a lot of the time and get angry quite easily, for no real reason other than I thought of something that happened years ago. I have no confidence, don't really take an interest in others (scared to let them get to close to me, I don't trust people and am scared they'll judge me). I don't like talking to people, especially after a heavy night as I don't want to concentrate on having a conversation, plus I don't want them to smell alcohol on my breath. In the last three or four years I've been binge-eating too, so I've put on some weight and this has made me feel even worse about myself.
I know I need to quit drinking. I would limit it to a beer a night but how long could I keep that going for? I don't really know myself at all, I feel as if no one knows the real me. I'm so ashamed because a lot of people know that I drink too much, though maybe they don't know how bad it is. Even my OH doesn't know just how bad it is (at least I hope he doesn't as I try to hide it). I want to be a healthy, confident, fun person! But I don't know if I can be. When I was younger my mum used to describe me as 'boring' because I tend to be more comfortable on my own and I didn't socialise much (didn't know how). Alcohol blocks out the pain and makes me feel better, even if it is only for a few hours. It is something to look forward to after a hard day. I say this but I know it's not true, alcohol really makes me feel worse, I'm just too caught up in it to see.
Oh dear, I was only supposed to be quickly introducing myself and have ended up giving away half my life story! Apologies for coming across as being a bit down, I know I have a problem. I need to get positive to help beat it!!!
Newname
xxxx
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Welcome to SR and we are glad that you have made it here. I know for me it was a crushing blow to find out that I was an alcoholic and an addict, but then atleast I might have a chance now that I do know who I am. I don't know if you have a AA Big Book but in there in chapter 4 of WE AGNOSTICS it only ask you two questions to find out if you are an alcoholic and it seems to me from what you have said that you fit. I just wanted to let you know that I am glad that you are here and if you ever need anything at all, I am always here to listen you can PM me or email me ok. WELCOME
Love Vic
Love Vic
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Welcome to the site. I'll share what worked for me personally, I attend the Self Management an Recovery Training Program...in short SMART Recovery and it works very well for me. It's a rational approach. www.smartrecovery.org lotsa info there about this program. I just thought I'd share, good luck. Remember there are many roads to recovery.
Remember there are many roads to recovery. Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Ditto Vic. WELCOME. It is so hard to admit or acknowledge that we have this disease. Apparently you have recognized that you have a problem and you are taking steps to correct it. I can relate to much of what you wrote. And believe me, you are not boring. Shame on your Mom (sorry Mom). So much damage can be done in childhood from parents who don't have a clue as to what the seemingly innocent comment can do. You were never boring, if anything perhaps you were introspective. I was always made to feel that I wasn't quite smart enough, and that thought took, too bad. Anyway, you have recognized your problem at a relatively young age and are addressing it nicely. The advise from this old lady is to quit now while it is still pretty easy for you. We at SR are here for you, keep posting.
Marilyn
Marilyn
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi...
and Welcome~ 
So glad you found us...amd you can write as much as you care to. Ask questions too if you need to.
We understand and are here to help. Blessings...
So glad you found us...amd you can write as much as you care to. Ask questions too if you need to.
We understand and are here to help. Blessings...
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome Aboard! OK so you spilled out half your story already, just save some for later! Thanks for sharing that bit with us. About that little quirk of passing out at the computer...O jeeze...I did that numerous times and usually zonked my noggin on the monitor. And, I vaguely recall waking up a few times with a QWERTY forehead. Forget pillow creases & cow-lick mornings! Nothing beats being humbled by co-workers who notice you have keyboard indentations across your forehead.
Little Girl Found
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
Hello! And welcome.
I see a lot of myself in your story. I'm 28 too and I knew I had a problem with drinking, even before it really BECAME a problem. I got a "late start" due to the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic father and I HATED the person he became when he drank...so I stayed away for awhile. But, when I started to drink, I didn't drink like those around me...I drank to get plowed...and when I started, I rarely stopped until I was sufficiently buzzed (which would make other's around me pass out!) and I also never seemed to get really sick or hungover.
BUT, it didn't take another few years (with the last two being really, really bad) until I wanted to really do something about it. Being a woman, it's a fact that the potential female alcoholic becomes the real deal in a short period of time. That was definitely me. It only took a few years, like I said, until I was well beyond the point of no return.
I've also had a problem with my eating patterns and weight. Especially when I was actively drinking. I would fluctuate 40 lbs or more in relatively short periods of time. I'm surprised I haven't had any major health related issues due to that behavior. My skin has definitely suffered though! I have a mis-shapen stomach and stretch marks on the parts where I tend to gain and lose weight (stomach, inner thighs, etc.) And I haven't even had children yet!!! Total bummer...but, what can you do?
Anyways, I found the help I really needed to stop here and in AA. I just posted about this to another newcomer here (BabyTrina) so I won't again because I really don't like being redundant! One of my character flaws, you can say. I'm glad that you decided to join us and I hope to get to know you better! You can PM me anytime you want too!!!
Danielle
I see a lot of myself in your story. I'm 28 too and I knew I had a problem with drinking, even before it really BECAME a problem. I got a "late start" due to the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic father and I HATED the person he became when he drank...so I stayed away for awhile. But, when I started to drink, I didn't drink like those around me...I drank to get plowed...and when I started, I rarely stopped until I was sufficiently buzzed (which would make other's around me pass out!) and I also never seemed to get really sick or hungover.
BUT, it didn't take another few years (with the last two being really, really bad) until I wanted to really do something about it. Being a woman, it's a fact that the potential female alcoholic becomes the real deal in a short period of time. That was definitely me. It only took a few years, like I said, until I was well beyond the point of no return.
I've also had a problem with my eating patterns and weight. Especially when I was actively drinking. I would fluctuate 40 lbs or more in relatively short periods of time. I'm surprised I haven't had any major health related issues due to that behavior. My skin has definitely suffered though! I have a mis-shapen stomach and stretch marks on the parts where I tend to gain and lose weight (stomach, inner thighs, etc.) And I haven't even had children yet!!! Total bummer...but, what can you do?
Anyways, I found the help I really needed to stop here and in AA. I just posted about this to another newcomer here (BabyTrina) so I won't again because I really don't like being redundant!
One of my character flaws, you can say. I'm glad that you decided to join us and I hope to get to know you better! You can PM me anytime you want too!!!Danielle
Member
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: england,united kingdom
Posts: 221
Hi Newname welcome to SR and thanks for sharing some of your story with us which was probley a very big step forward in your road to recovery ,you will find lots of support and great advice here on SR ......
Glad your here and look forward to you posting some more I felt so much better when I finally could share my worries about my alcoholism I'm sure you will too ...........love Lulu xxx
Glad your here and look forward to you posting some more I felt so much better when I finally could share my worries about my alcoholism I'm sure you will too ...........love Lulu xxx
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