Don't understand..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Live, in your profile you can go to "miscellaneous" and look for buddy/ignore list. Click there and you can either add people to your buddy list or place people you don't want to send you pm's and people you don't want to read on "ignore".
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
maybe we should all calm down a bit and not take all things to heart....
Sounds like a good idea.
In one thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...290#post636290 the question was posed if giving advice was OK when someone was not sober. It was in fact, a question.
I asked if they were codependent. Most of us, including me, have not had a real good idea of what codependence was, and most of us are to one extent or another.
After reading the book Codependent No More, I came to understand much more about it, and my shortcomings.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
In another thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...969#post635969
I said:"when we get sober we have no coping skills."
What sort of program are you working now to get and STAY sober????
SO, I'm told I am making nasty comments....and I'm out of line, saying I told someone they were not working a program, when in fact, I asked them "what sort of program ARE they working?
Someone suggested having a drink or using was a better option than dealing with all of this. If that is all is takes to go out and use again, then almost anything will send you out. I'm probably not the issue. Many in AA have been known to say, "I'll buy you the first drink".....not my favorite line, but there is a definate truth to it.
Maybe you are not done drinking and using. Perhaps that goes along my comment about "us" lacking coping skills. I know I do.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
I am sorry if I offended anyone. Certainly not my intention. It does seem tho', that those with some sobriety did not seem to object to my comments. LOL, not yet.......
As a garden variety alcoholic, I can say there have been countless times where I was way more sensitive than was necessary for the situation. I'm continuing to grow and improve. LOL, I think.
I have been known to be firm and very much to the point here, little has changed in the past two yrs of posting. That is mainly due to so many people taking sobriety so lightly. And not being involved, COMPLETELY, in a program of YOUR choice. I am to fault here as well, as my program needed beefing up recently. So, I made adjustments, and am continuing to do so.
I don't prescribe to AA-lite. (or any program-lite) This is a damn serious disease. And a disease, in my opinion, it is.
SO, then why is it often taken so lightly, and people are concerned about hurting peoples feelings when LIFE is on the line? People are dying, each and everyday. I ASK for my sponsor and fellow sober men in AA to call me on my crap, because it is usually just that, CRAP. Bring it on I say. It's the only style I know, otherwise, I die.
If a friend was taking steps that appeared was going to jeopordize their lives, do we just sit there and watch? Hopefully not.
There is a key person here, who is dearly loved that you all know, who got rather pissed off at me early on in sobriety when I questioned them about how they were progressing in sobriety. They just might tell you, it was a turning point in sobriety. I don't need any credit for that, this type of fellowship has been given to me freely, so the least I can do, is give back what I can. As I believe Captain said, take what you like, leave the rest.
I can say, I know if plenty of situations where an e-mail has been misconstrued or taken out of context because there is no voice inflection, or hand gestures.
Once again, sorry if I offended anyone.
Sounds like a good idea.
In one thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...290#post636290 the question was posed if giving advice was OK when someone was not sober. It was in fact, a question.
I asked if they were codependent. Most of us, including me, have not had a real good idea of what codependence was, and most of us are to one extent or another.
After reading the book Codependent No More, I came to understand much more about it, and my shortcomings.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
In another thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...969#post635969
I said:"when we get sober we have no coping skills."
What sort of program are you working now to get and STAY sober????
SO, I'm told I am making nasty comments....and I'm out of line, saying I told someone they were not working a program, when in fact, I asked them "what sort of program ARE they working?
Someone suggested having a drink or using was a better option than dealing with all of this. If that is all is takes to go out and use again, then almost anything will send you out. I'm probably not the issue. Many in AA have been known to say, "I'll buy you the first drink".....not my favorite line, but there is a definate truth to it.
Maybe you are not done drinking and using. Perhaps that goes along my comment about "us" lacking coping skills. I know I do.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
I am sorry if I offended anyone. Certainly not my intention. It does seem tho', that those with some sobriety did not seem to object to my comments. LOL, not yet.......
As a garden variety alcoholic, I can say there have been countless times where I was way more sensitive than was necessary for the situation. I'm continuing to grow and improve. LOL, I think.
I have been known to be firm and very much to the point here, little has changed in the past two yrs of posting. That is mainly due to so many people taking sobriety so lightly. And not being involved, COMPLETELY, in a program of YOUR choice. I am to fault here as well, as my program needed beefing up recently. So, I made adjustments, and am continuing to do so.
I don't prescribe to AA-lite. (or any program-lite) This is a damn serious disease. And a disease, in my opinion, it is.
SO, then why is it often taken so lightly, and people are concerned about hurting peoples feelings when LIFE is on the line? People are dying, each and everyday. I ASK for my sponsor and fellow sober men in AA to call me on my crap, because it is usually just that, CRAP. Bring it on I say. It's the only style I know, otherwise, I die.
If a friend was taking steps that appeared was going to jeopordize their lives, do we just sit there and watch? Hopefully not.
There is a key person here, who is dearly loved that you all know, who got rather pissed off at me early on in sobriety when I questioned them about how they were progressing in sobriety. They just might tell you, it was a turning point in sobriety. I don't need any credit for that, this type of fellowship has been given to me freely, so the least I can do, is give back what I can. As I believe Captain said, take what you like, leave the rest.
I can say, I know if plenty of situations where an e-mail has been misconstrued or taken out of context because there is no voice inflection, or hand gestures.
Once again, sorry if I offended anyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
1 day@_time has saved my self from self will run riot in my early days of early recovery and on occassion to this day a confident when still going through that self will run riot.
I can't see any reason to apologize for anything you have said Tom. Honest, truth, understanding, in your face gut bucket reality.. it's what I needed to get real with myself in recovery.
Us A's know all the tactics and if not recieving sugercoated responses then it's offensive it doesn't have to be recieved that way whatsoever.
I can't see any reason to apologize for anything you have said Tom. Honest, truth, understanding, in your face gut bucket reality.. it's what I needed to get real with myself in recovery.
Us A's know all the tactics and if not recieving sugercoated responses then it's offensive it doesn't have to be recieved that way whatsoever.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: richmond,VA
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time
maybe we should all calm down a bit and not take all things to heart....
Sounds like a good idea.
In one thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...290#post636290 the question was posed if giving advice was OK when someone was not sober. It was in fact, a question.
I asked if they were codependent. Most of us, including me, have not had a real good idea of what codependence was, and most of us are to one extent or another.
After reading the book Codependent No More, I came to understand much more about it, and my shortcomings.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
In another thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...969#post635969
I said:"when we get sober we have no coping skills."
What sort of program are you working now to get and STAY sober????
SO, I'm told I am making nasty comments....and I'm out of line, saying I told someone they were not working a program, when in fact, I asked them "what sort of program ARE they working?
Someone suggested having a drink or using was a better option than dealing with all of this. If that is all is takes to go out and use again, then almost anything will send you out. I'm probably not the issue. Many in AA have been known to say, "I'll buy you the first drink".....not my favorite line, but there is a definate truth to it.
Maybe you are not done drinking and using. Perhaps that goes along my comment about "us" lacking coping skills. I know I do.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
I am sorry if I offended anyone. Certainly not my intention. It does seem tho', that those with some sobriety did not seem to object to my comments. LOL, not yet.......
As a garden variety alcoholic, I can say there have been countless times where I was way more sensitive than was necessary for the situation. I'm continuing to grow and improve. LOL, I think.
I have been known to be firm and very much to the point here, little has changed in the past two yrs of posting. That is mainly due to so many people taking sobriety so lightly. And not being involved, COMPLETELY, in a program of YOUR choice. I am to fault here as well, as my program needed beefing up recently. So, I made adjustments, and am continuing to do so.
I don't prescribe to AA-lite. (or any program-lite) This is a damn serious disease. And a disease, in my opinion, it is.
SO, then why is it often taken so lightly, and people are concerned about hurting peoples feelings when LIFE is on the line? People are dying, each and everyday. I ASK for my sponsor and fellow sober men in AA to call me on my crap, because it is usually just that, CRAP. Bring it on I say. It's the only style I know, otherwise, I die.
If a friend was taking steps that appeared was going to jeopordize their lives, do we just sit there and watch? Hopefully not.
There is a key person here, who is dearly loved that you all know, who got rather pissed off at me early on in sobriety when I questioned them about how they were progressing in sobriety. They just might tell you, it was a turning point in sobriety. I don't need any credit for that, this type of fellowship has been given to me freely, so the least I can do, is give back what I can. As I believe Captain said, take what you like, leave the rest.
I can say, I know if plenty of situations where an e-mail has been misconstrued or taken out of context because there is no voice inflection, or hand gestures.
Once again, sorry if I offended anyone.
Sounds like a good idea.
In one thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...290#post636290 the question was posed if giving advice was OK when someone was not sober. It was in fact, a question.
I asked if they were codependent. Most of us, including me, have not had a real good idea of what codependence was, and most of us are to one extent or another.
After reading the book Codependent No More, I came to understand much more about it, and my shortcomings.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
In another thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...969#post635969
I said:"when we get sober we have no coping skills."
What sort of program are you working now to get and STAY sober????
SO, I'm told I am making nasty comments....and I'm out of line, saying I told someone they were not working a program, when in fact, I asked them "what sort of program ARE they working?
Someone suggested having a drink or using was a better option than dealing with all of this. If that is all is takes to go out and use again, then almost anything will send you out. I'm probably not the issue. Many in AA have been known to say, "I'll buy you the first drink".....not my favorite line, but there is a definate truth to it.
Maybe you are not done drinking and using. Perhaps that goes along my comment about "us" lacking coping skills. I know I do.
I also said in the meetings I attend, often it is suggested you not share if you have used anything in the past 24 hours. Never did I say you can't go to meetings, sober or not.
I am sorry if I offended anyone. Certainly not my intention. It does seem tho', that those with some sobriety did not seem to object to my comments. LOL, not yet.......
As a garden variety alcoholic, I can say there have been countless times where I was way more sensitive than was necessary for the situation. I'm continuing to grow and improve. LOL, I think.
I have been known to be firm and very much to the point here, little has changed in the past two yrs of posting. That is mainly due to so many people taking sobriety so lightly. And not being involved, COMPLETELY, in a program of YOUR choice. I am to fault here as well, as my program needed beefing up recently. So, I made adjustments, and am continuing to do so.
I don't prescribe to AA-lite. (or any program-lite) This is a damn serious disease. And a disease, in my opinion, it is.
SO, then why is it often taken so lightly, and people are concerned about hurting peoples feelings when LIFE is on the line? People are dying, each and everyday. I ASK for my sponsor and fellow sober men in AA to call me on my crap, because it is usually just that, CRAP. Bring it on I say. It's the only style I know, otherwise, I die.
If a friend was taking steps that appeared was going to jeopordize their lives, do we just sit there and watch? Hopefully not.
There is a key person here, who is dearly loved that you all know, who got rather pissed off at me early on in sobriety when I questioned them about how they were progressing in sobriety. They just might tell you, it was a turning point in sobriety. I don't need any credit for that, this type of fellowship has been given to me freely, so the least I can do, is give back what I can. As I believe Captain said, take what you like, leave the rest.
I can say, I know if plenty of situations where an e-mail has been misconstrued or taken out of context because there is no voice inflection, or hand gestures.
Once again, sorry if I offended anyone.
Excellent share! Thanks
Becky
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
To get help and to give help.
That's the mission here, right?
When I came to SR almost two years ago, I was very sick. My life was in chaos and I was steeped in the drama of my son's and my ex's addictions. A day at a time, I began my recovery.
My feelings were raw. There were times I misconstrued things said to me. I took offense when none was offered. There were other times, I looked the other way when offense was thrown at me. And times I fought back. The point is, I was sick. I was looking for help.
I was also quite blessed. Once, hurt to the core, I stopped visiting for a while. I was blessed to have a very good friend - one whom I have grown to love quite dearly. She PM'd me just to ask how I was....No expectations; just a declaration of her concern.
I cannot imagine someone telling me to leave and not look back. WHat a horrid difference that would have been! We are all sick here, at SR. That's why we are in recovery. And some are sicker than others.
I'm appaled at some of the recent threads. Calling people drama queens, and attention getters. OMG! We kick our weak now when they are down? And on at least one of them, when it was brought to the attention of the author that the post would frighten away the newcomer, well, the justifications would make Satan proud! All ego. Plain and simple. I say it so it is. The hell with anyone else!
Frankly, it made me very sad...and it's not the first time I've seen this behavior.
IF you don't like someone's cry for attention, then anyone can pass it by. But, to negatively respond to it is adding to the problem. For what purpose? To show that you are still sick too? We know that -- that's why your here; why I'm here; why we're all here.
To get help and to give help. That's the mission of SR.
It's all about choices. I didn't know that once; I do now. I make better choices now.
Are we - each one of us - achieving the objective?
Shalom!
That's the mission here, right?
When I came to SR almost two years ago, I was very sick. My life was in chaos and I was steeped in the drama of my son's and my ex's addictions. A day at a time, I began my recovery.
My feelings were raw. There were times I misconstrued things said to me. I took offense when none was offered. There were other times, I looked the other way when offense was thrown at me. And times I fought back. The point is, I was sick. I was looking for help.
I was also quite blessed. Once, hurt to the core, I stopped visiting for a while. I was blessed to have a very good friend - one whom I have grown to love quite dearly. She PM'd me just to ask how I was....No expectations; just a declaration of her concern.
I cannot imagine someone telling me to leave and not look back. WHat a horrid difference that would have been! We are all sick here, at SR. That's why we are in recovery. And some are sicker than others.
I'm appaled at some of the recent threads. Calling people drama queens, and attention getters. OMG! We kick our weak now when they are down? And on at least one of them, when it was brought to the attention of the author that the post would frighten away the newcomer, well, the justifications would make Satan proud! All ego. Plain and simple. I say it so it is. The hell with anyone else!
Frankly, it made me very sad...and it's not the first time I've seen this behavior.
IF you don't like someone's cry for attention, then anyone can pass it by. But, to negatively respond to it is adding to the problem. For what purpose? To show that you are still sick too? We know that -- that's why your here; why I'm here; why we're all here.
To get help and to give help. That's the mission of SR.
It's all about choices. I didn't know that once; I do now. I make better choices now.
Are we - each one of us - achieving the objective?
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Somewhere in the Mojave Desert
Posts: 498
Wow...guess I've been gone too long.
I never knew SR to be a place that caused insecurities and problems with people.
I support SR with my heart and I love SR. People will come in and go and come back (hopefully) and things will be posted here. We need to always think of the feelings of others regardless of where we are in our sobriety (or in our drunken states.)
SR is the best place and SR supports me along with AA. Chy is a person near and dear to me. Many people here are friends. I don't know what has gone on but I know that I love SR, Chy and all my SR and DQ Friends. Good Lord...we are all in this together. Let's just bypass the people that say mean things. They still need our love, support and prayers as they are still suffering. If someone challenges my posts or my feelings I simply respond with a kind word or two and if that does not work I ignore them.
This is my life, my sobriety...SR is MY PLACE and it is YOUR PLACE. If someone does not like this place then they don't have to come back. We all have choices.
There...I feel better saying what I feel. LOL...thanks for listening.
Love,
Laci
I never knew SR to be a place that caused insecurities and problems with people.
I support SR with my heart and I love SR. People will come in and go and come back (hopefully) and things will be posted here. We need to always think of the feelings of others regardless of where we are in our sobriety (or in our drunken states.)
SR is the best place and SR supports me along with AA. Chy is a person near and dear to me. Many people here are friends. I don't know what has gone on but I know that I love SR, Chy and all my SR and DQ Friends. Good Lord...we are all in this together. Let's just bypass the people that say mean things. They still need our love, support and prayers as they are still suffering. If someone challenges my posts or my feelings I simply respond with a kind word or two and if that does not work I ignore them.
This is my life, my sobriety...SR is MY PLACE and it is YOUR PLACE. If someone does not like this place then they don't have to come back. We all have choices.
There...I feel better saying what I feel. LOL...thanks for listening.
Love,
Laci
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Somewhere in the Mojave Desert
Posts: 498
(((((((((Chy))))))))))) "kirstie" will always love you girl...you are my sister forever, no matter what. Hugs to you. 
Thanks for not only loving me but for loving so many of us through this disease. We can always count on you Chy...you are always there...a true friend.
Love & God Bless,
Your Sista who speaks only the truth.
Laci
(Still trying)
Thanks for not only loving me but for loving so many of us through this disease. We can always count on you Chy...you are always there...a true friend. Love & God Bless,
Your Sista who speaks only the truth.
Laci
(Still trying)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by historyteach
To get help and to give help.
That's the mission here, right?
That's the mission here, right?
Originally Posted by historyteach
well, the justifications would make Satan proud!
Help starts here...
Here, as in my heart, I hope.
Originally Posted by historyteach
...and it's not the first time I've seen this behavior.
Next up, some Robert Burney
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I have been on both sides of this issue. I have said things that perhaps would have been better left unsaid, and I have apologized more than once for my hasty words. As good as my intentions may have been, it is entirely possible that I have hurt people along the way. I learned to do better.
I have been hurt, more than once by words, simple words printed on a message board, because these words came from people I thought were my friends. I learned to forgive.
It was Jon who wisely pointed out to me, more than once, that words here don't show the facial expressions that go with them. We may read something as being harsh that is really meant as concern. We may get angry at something that was not even directed at us. If we were face to face, we would perhaps understand each other better, but here we are only heart to heart, and my experience has been that most hearts here are hurting, and are also filled with love.
Recovery is about learning to deal with what we feel, valid or not, and it's about reaching out asking for support and giving it when we feel we can. The thing is we don't always know how the person we are trying to help will react, we don't always know what's in their heart at the time.
Something that helps me keep my perspective is putting myself in the other person's shoes. I may totally disagree with their suggestions, but I am grateful that they care enough to give them. They may not always agree with mine, but those who know me know I make them with love in my heart.
We're a mixed crowd here, each one of us experiencing our own very personal pain, but we walk this road together and do the best we can to help our brothers and sisters in recovery to have a better day.
We will never ever all agree on everything. If we did, there would be no purpose in being here. So we listen, sometimes selectively, and we learn, about ourselves and about others, and we grow.
Most days, that's good enough for me. Most days, I am grateful to be here and grateful for our wonderful family here, as dysfunctional as any one of us may be.
Hugs
Ann
I have been hurt, more than once by words, simple words printed on a message board, because these words came from people I thought were my friends. I learned to forgive.
It was Jon who wisely pointed out to me, more than once, that words here don't show the facial expressions that go with them. We may read something as being harsh that is really meant as concern. We may get angry at something that was not even directed at us. If we were face to face, we would perhaps understand each other better, but here we are only heart to heart, and my experience has been that most hearts here are hurting, and are also filled with love.
Recovery is about learning to deal with what we feel, valid or not, and it's about reaching out asking for support and giving it when we feel we can. The thing is we don't always know how the person we are trying to help will react, we don't always know what's in their heart at the time.
Something that helps me keep my perspective is putting myself in the other person's shoes. I may totally disagree with their suggestions, but I am grateful that they care enough to give them. They may not always agree with mine, but those who know me know I make them with love in my heart.
We're a mixed crowd here, each one of us experiencing our own very personal pain, but we walk this road together and do the best we can to help our brothers and sisters in recovery to have a better day.
We will never ever all agree on everything. If we did, there would be no purpose in being here. So we listen, sometimes selectively, and we learn, about ourselves and about others, and we grow.
Most days, that's good enough for me. Most days, I am grateful to be here and grateful for our wonderful family here, as dysfunctional as any one of us may be.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Somewhere in the Mojave Desert
Posts: 498
Laci Does Not Understand?
Could someone please let me know what is going on here with posts that are offending people?
SR is not the type of place where judgement is passed. We love all poeple regardless. I know because SR loved/loves me through everything sober and loved/loves me through everything drunk. And everything in between.
Please advise me of any links/posts that are being discussed. How could anyone be mad at our beloved SR? We are a loving community and we save not only our own lives but the lives of those that want it. YOU HAVE TO WANT IT. You have to want it in order to get it. Do the footwork. HP (or whoever you put your trust in) will do the rest.
Love,
Laci
(Living One Second At A Time but obviously confused about what is going on at SR)
SR is not the type of place where judgement is passed. We love all poeple regardless. I know because SR loved/loves me through everything sober and loved/loves me through everything drunk. And everything in between.
Please advise me of any links/posts that are being discussed. How could anyone be mad at our beloved SR? We are a loving community and we save not only our own lives but the lives of those that want it. YOU HAVE TO WANT IT. You have to want it in order to get it. Do the footwork. HP (or whoever you put your trust in) will do the rest.
Love,
Laci
(Living One Second At A Time but obviously confused about what is going on at SR)
Meetings Coordinator
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 374
well all i have to say is yes alot of drama has been going on i agree totally!! however Sober Recovery and many of its members help save my life everyday! only because of the stories they share not the advice they give. if i didnt relate to any of you... i would be out drinking. i know that to be a fact its the only thing that got me to go to a second AA meeting!!! Thank you CHY and all the other mods and members in my life i wouldnt be here if not for you!!
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I'm learning to stay out of the drama, especially if it serves no purpose other than to feed someone's ego. I say that in a loving manner. The public farewells...well honestly, most of them never make it past the exit before they rest their hat back on the rack.
I take that to mean the need for love and support outweighs the feelings of hurt and anger.
Sure feelings get hurt, especially if something said hits close to home. Recovery isn't easy and alot of us are in denial and don't really understand what it is we need to get sober. When someone puts it bluntly, our feathers can get ruffled. It is a pretty normal response, I feel. The anger is based on feelings not fact. The fact is some of us don't know what is best for us in early recovery, or later for that matter. Most of us understand the meaningful message conveyed after time. Time is the key. We live and learn and it takes time to heal and understand what we need to do to succeed in sobriety. We learn through trial and error. Words that makes us balk and angry in the beginning, we may repeat to a newcomer down the line. Why? Because it works.
Yes, we all need to be considerate and respectful. There is always going to be those who are not. Don't fuel their nonsense. Having the last word isn't all what it's cracked up to be. You know what I mean?
I say that in a loving manner. The public farewells...well honestly, most of them never make it past the exit before they rest their hat back on the rack. I take that to mean the need for love and support outweighs the feelings of hurt and anger.
Sure feelings get hurt, especially if something said hits close to home. Recovery isn't easy and alot of us are in denial and don't really understand what it is we need to get sober. When someone puts it bluntly, our feathers can get ruffled. It is a pretty normal response, I feel. The anger is based on feelings not fact. The fact is some of us don't know what is best for us in early recovery, or later for that matter. Most of us understand the meaningful message conveyed after time. Time is the key. We live and learn and it takes time to heal and understand what we need to do to succeed in sobriety. We learn through trial and error. Words that makes us balk and angry in the beginning, we may repeat to a newcomer down the line. Why? Because it works.
Yes, we all need to be considerate and respectful. There is always going to be those who are not. Don't fuel their nonsense. Having the last word isn't all what it's cracked up to be. You know what I mean?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: With Good Spirit
Posts: 378
I have had the absolute pleasure of seeing differences worked out here at SR. More often than not. I agree that the ignore feature is a wonderful thing. With that, if we feel the need, we can also choose to not read a post from a certain member if it continues to upset us. If we continue to read a post from that person, and we are still getting upset, then we need to step back and ask ourselves why we would even do that?
Kinda like the remote with our television. We can click off one show, and watch something that brings us pleasure. It is all about choices. If we revisit something that we find unfavorable for whatever reason and continue to complain about it...that is cause for concern, I would think. We have the mods to take care of anything that they feel needs monitoring.
We all have our own "hot buttons". What may upset me, may not phase another person. What upsets another person, may not phase me in the least. That is part of life. We may work with people (for example, that we just don't have alot in common with but if we can focus on ourselves we can learn that it just happens. It happens here, and outside of SR. We must not forget our mission. And that is to accept the positive and negatives in life, and continue to learn.
The PM feature is excellent. If someone says something that truly bothers us, we have the option to explore that a bit more, out of public view. I have been again, pleasantly surprised when I took time, to ask a few more questions and see just where something derived from. The "surface" stuff is not the end all, be all.
The Private Message feature here has given me the chance to foster many wonderful, loving, giving relationships.
Without doing that, we often pass judgement on those that we think are passing judgement? Hmmmm
We all have to reach our own conclusions in life.
The beautiful part is we have control over what we choose to read, and respond to. If something feels personal, again, we have more than one choice as to how to respond to that.
I love our family here. We are all learning from one another, even at times when we don't think that we are.
I love SR. I am blessed to have found it. I will continue to stay and share, and accept that I am not going to like everybodys thoughts. But if I am continuing to learn, I am doing something positive for myself.
Hopefloats
Kinda like the remote with our television. We can click off one show, and watch something that brings us pleasure. It is all about choices. If we revisit something that we find unfavorable for whatever reason and continue to complain about it...that is cause for concern, I would think. We have the mods to take care of anything that they feel needs monitoring.
We all have our own "hot buttons". What may upset me, may not phase another person. What upsets another person, may not phase me in the least. That is part of life. We may work with people (for example, that we just don't have alot in common with but if we can focus on ourselves we can learn that it just happens. It happens here, and outside of SR. We must not forget our mission. And that is to accept the positive and negatives in life, and continue to learn.
The PM feature is excellent. If someone says something that truly bothers us, we have the option to explore that a bit more, out of public view. I have been again, pleasantly surprised when I took time, to ask a few more questions and see just where something derived from. The "surface" stuff is not the end all, be all.
The Private Message feature here has given me the chance to foster many wonderful, loving, giving relationships.
Without doing that, we often pass judgement on those that we think are passing judgement? Hmmmm
We all have to reach our own conclusions in life.
The beautiful part is we have control over what we choose to read, and respond to. If something feels personal, again, we have more than one choice as to how to respond to that.
I love our family here. We are all learning from one another, even at times when we don't think that we are.
I love SR. I am blessed to have found it. I will continue to stay and share, and accept that I am not going to like everybodys thoughts. But if I am continuing to learn, I am doing something positive for myself.
Hopefloats
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
First of all, I have seen a lot of really great posts on this thread. For that, I am grateful. However, I have also seen people generalizing the problem to the whole of SoberRecovery when we are actually talking about a few individual posts from individual people. Perhaps the answer is not only in the object of the offending post responding to the poster in a PM, but also those of us who have been here for a while bringing the issue to the posters attention. Does that make any sense? This can also be done in a kind, tolerant, compassionate manner. For instance, if someone said something to a newcomer which rubbed me the wrong way, why couldn't I send them a PM, voicing my concerns? Perhaps that person didn't even realize they came off the way they did.....
Regardless, SR is and always will be a one-of-a-kind recovery message board where the vast majority of people are loving, kind, and compassionate people who only want to help others. I am POSITIVE that no one has ever posted anything which was intentionally written to hurt someone. In fact, the opposite is most often the case.
Whatever happens with this thread and many others to come, I hope I never leave this place. Why? Because SR has become a vital part of my recovery. I need you people, imperfections and all......
Love and hugs to all--
Regardless, SR is and always will be a one-of-a-kind recovery message board where the vast majority of people are loving, kind, and compassionate people who only want to help others. I am POSITIVE that no one has ever posted anything which was intentionally written to hurt someone. In fact, the opposite is most often the case.
Whatever happens with this thread and many others to come, I hope I never leave this place. Why? Because SR has become a vital part of my recovery. I need you people, imperfections and all......
Love and hugs to all--
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: With Good Spirit
Posts: 378
I like what you said Laura....as we so ofen talk about. It is about the "process" not the perfection. I am staying too. This forum has been a Godsend. I am very grateful to be here.
I continue to look at the "big picture". And from where I sit...it looks pretty darn good to me
((hugs))
Hopefloats
I continue to look at the "big picture". And from where I sit...it looks pretty darn good to me
((hugs))
Hopefloats
Stronger every day!
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by Laci
I never knew SR to be a place that caused insecurities and problems with people.
) it isn't. People choose to react to things others say that feed into the insecurities and problems they are already facing. Like the old saying goes, "I can't MAKE you angry, you CHOOSE to react to me in anger." I know that's corny and cliche and all that, but examined objectively, it really is true. I've been told I'm very blunt at times, although I've held back here because I'm relatively new and this is a much bigger forum than the other recovery forum I go to....where I usually do sling it just like it is, no sugarcoating and bar none. That's my therapeutic style as well, although I do feel that I have a strong compassionate side too. And my crew respects both, because each day we need something different to get through to us. I can't add much more to the wisdom already shared here, except to say that "calling it like you see it" and being a non-candy coating person is one thing, we all know that often enables a person to continue defending bad behavior, but saying something deliberately spiteful and hurtful really has no purpose either. Basic human respect is not a lot to ask, and whether your particular problem is a drug/alcohol addiction or an addiction to an addict (i.e. codie issues), we are all sick and struggling here, and the purpose of this site is to have a place to come together for support, strength, hope and shared learning. I've had to learn to grow a thicker skin during my recovery and hopefully those who remain extremely sensitive to slights out there will do the same. I also hope those who feel the need to belittle someone to make themselves feel good will realize that what comes around goes around and look more closely at their need to be "above" someone.
Now....enough negativity and self pitying, it's time for a group hug please!!!!
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