My clean and sober husband had a relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 7
My clean and sober husband had a relapse
Hi, I'm totally new to this... I've never dealt with anyone with addiction. I apologize in advance for my long rambling story...
Before I met my wonderful husband over 10 years ago, he had been through NA with great success -- never even took so much as a decongestant! and when we married 7 years later, I knew there was, of course, the possibility of him falling off the wagon... but I thought that possibility was slim to none.
We lived in NYC during 9/11, about a mile from Ground Zero. It devastated us, I became nervous and he became full of rage (never toward me, but on the road, on the street...). One evening he asked me for one of my Xanaxes that I had for flying. I didn't know what to do, so I gave him one, and he liked how it calmed him down without making him "high". A year later we got married and he would occasionally take a Xanax when we flew. I believe that was the catalyst that made him think he could handle narcotics again. Fast forward to a year and a half later -- I started to find random pills on the floor of our apartment. He always had some crazy excuse. In hindsight, I should have known right off, but he was very convincing with his stories. I was working long hours and he was being the best husband one could wish for -- happy, agreeable, cooking all the meals, etc.
One day before work I found an Oxycontin on the floor. I confronted him and he broke down and cried and told me all about how over the past 8 months he had been taking "piles" of Vicodin, and he realized that when Oxy came into the picture, that he'd better stop. Especially since we had bought a house in Austin, TX, and were getting ready to move there. So he quit pills cold-turkey, was miserable during the detox, but I stuck by him and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. I was really proud of him.
A month later, when it came time to move, I had to stay behind in NYC for two months to finish work, so he went down to fix up and decorate our new home. Many times when I spoke with him on the phone, he sounded high. He convinced me it was just a Xanax here and there, to chill out at the end of the day after working so hard. I was very nervous, and the night before my flight to Texas, he sounded so messed up on the phone that I told him to be honest with me, that if he had a drug problem, I did NOT want to come down until he had worked it out. He convinced me it was nothing. I didn't believe it, but I had my ticket, my going-away party, and nowhere to stay in NYC. Plus, I had a beautiful new house and life waiting for me in Texas. So I went.
Over the next month, I spent countless hours "discussing" with him how I thought his Xanax use was a problem -- he always seemed loopy/high. He convinced me he'd wean himself off them... I figured that was better than nothing.
A few weeks later, my birthday, he took me to a waterpark. We were having a great day and I was really proud of him for having had quit pills (or so I thought). At one point in the day, he asked me to go over and get him a soda while he stayed by the lockers. Somehow, I just knew, and I circled the lockers and snuck up behind him as he was popping pills. I asked him what he was taking and he said Tylenol. I grabbed his shorts that were in his hand, and out fell piles of Vicodins, Xanaxes, and muscle relaxers. I was devastated. He said he had started again soon after he had quit back in New York, and that he knew it was stupid, and that he really wanted to stop it all. I believed him, but not as much as I had the first time.
I had many tears and sleepless nights, and he swore he was done with all that and he'd stop doing everything. I believed him and sort of kept a close watch to see if he was sober... At that point, I was confused and didn't know what was going on. I thought he was still taking Xanax. I also didn't see the misery and the sickness he had had when he had quit for real back in NY (I do believe he HAD quit in NY), so I wondered why that was.
So, again, a few more weeks went by, and I started getting the sense he wasn't completely sober, though he claimed he was. There was one night I thought I smelled alcohol, but I swore that couldn't be possible since alcohol was the one thing that he could NOT touch or mass chaos would ensue (according to all his stories of his past). So, stupid me, I was in denial I guess.
A few nights later we were at a rock show and he went to get us sodas at the bar. I came up behind him as the bartender was handing him a shot of something. I asked my husband what it was, he said he didn't know, a freebie? and he said he'll be back, he was going to the restroom. Well I know no bartender would give a free random shot of alcohol to someone who ordered two cokes, so I asked the bartender and he said my husband ordered Southern Comfort. I confronted my husband and he lied to my face and said he didn't order it. We both knew he was lying. So he admitted it. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he convinced me that he could totally handle alcohol, and told me nothing bad would come of him having a drink. What was I supposed to do? -- so he began to drink 6-8 beers a day over the course of the next two days. the next night I went to get coffee and when I got back our car was gone. I called his cell and he said he went to check out a band and that he was going to another bar to check out another band. I asked if he had been drinking at the first bar. He said he had one beer, and that he'd probably have one more, and that he'd see my back home in an hour. He sounded fine. Ths was around 10:30pm. He never came home that night. I have never cried so hard, it was the WORST night of my life. I checked every hospital, the jails... The next day he called around 11am, completely devastated. He had gone on an alcohol and coke binge and slept in the car (thank god he didn't drive). I told him to come home, and when he did, he cried and said it was over, all the drugs and the drinking, and he'd go to NA again and he was so sorry and he'd make it up to me. I believed him with all my heart.
He went to NA (with my cajoling -- I didn't realize you weren't supposed to do that) the next night. When he came home, my original husband was back -- a bit shaken and devastated that he was back in NA -- but I really felt he "got it". I thoght he'd go to a meeting every day like he had said he would, so when he didn't the next day, and the next, I began to feel resentful and a bit conned. That was this past Monday. Tuesday he went up north on a hunting trip for three days. He came home tonight. I was so happy to see him. But then I smelled his breath. I confronted him and he swore he didn't drink and said I was acting crazy. But, I was 100% sure. So he basically said this is his problem and not mine and I should just live my life, which I thought was the most selfish thing, since living your life is hard when your husband doesn't come home one night. I threatened to separate from him -- but that didn't hold any weight. Where would he or me go?
He was "really tired" and didn't want to talk about it any further. He went to bed. I went into the garage and found some of his Southern Comfort stash. I am so angry and hurt and mad and I don't know what to do. I know that I can't make him quit drinking/drugging (I still do not know what pills he has or is doing). But I do know I can NOT take this heartache and pain anymore. I love him so much, but I fear he will have another episode like the all nighter, and maybe one that ends worse, with a car crash, jail, etc. Why should I have to sacrifice my sense of stability and normalcy? I am a wreck all the time now.
My question is (you thought I'd never get to the point
... Now what do I do? I am very, very angry, but I know that won't help matters if I act mad at him, it will make him defensive. I don't want to be "supportive" of something I am so totally against. He says I have to just let him work his own thing out. He says it shouldn't affect me. I think that's the most selfish thing a person can say. Am I supposed to sit idly by with my mouth shut? And for how long? Is there a time limit on this? I already feel like my time here in TX so far has been a roller coaster and a misery. And, to make matters worse, my parents are coming to visit us and our new home next week.
I really had to write all this to get it off my chest, but if anyone has ANY suggestions on what I can do, or how I can alleviate some of the pain, please let me know.
Thanks so much for reading this.
Before I met my wonderful husband over 10 years ago, he had been through NA with great success -- never even took so much as a decongestant! and when we married 7 years later, I knew there was, of course, the possibility of him falling off the wagon... but I thought that possibility was slim to none.
We lived in NYC during 9/11, about a mile from Ground Zero. It devastated us, I became nervous and he became full of rage (never toward me, but on the road, on the street...). One evening he asked me for one of my Xanaxes that I had for flying. I didn't know what to do, so I gave him one, and he liked how it calmed him down without making him "high". A year later we got married and he would occasionally take a Xanax when we flew. I believe that was the catalyst that made him think he could handle narcotics again. Fast forward to a year and a half later -- I started to find random pills on the floor of our apartment. He always had some crazy excuse. In hindsight, I should have known right off, but he was very convincing with his stories. I was working long hours and he was being the best husband one could wish for -- happy, agreeable, cooking all the meals, etc.
One day before work I found an Oxycontin on the floor. I confronted him and he broke down and cried and told me all about how over the past 8 months he had been taking "piles" of Vicodin, and he realized that when Oxy came into the picture, that he'd better stop. Especially since we had bought a house in Austin, TX, and were getting ready to move there. So he quit pills cold-turkey, was miserable during the detox, but I stuck by him and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. I was really proud of him.
A month later, when it came time to move, I had to stay behind in NYC for two months to finish work, so he went down to fix up and decorate our new home. Many times when I spoke with him on the phone, he sounded high. He convinced me it was just a Xanax here and there, to chill out at the end of the day after working so hard. I was very nervous, and the night before my flight to Texas, he sounded so messed up on the phone that I told him to be honest with me, that if he had a drug problem, I did NOT want to come down until he had worked it out. He convinced me it was nothing. I didn't believe it, but I had my ticket, my going-away party, and nowhere to stay in NYC. Plus, I had a beautiful new house and life waiting for me in Texas. So I went.
Over the next month, I spent countless hours "discussing" with him how I thought his Xanax use was a problem -- he always seemed loopy/high. He convinced me he'd wean himself off them... I figured that was better than nothing.
A few weeks later, my birthday, he took me to a waterpark. We were having a great day and I was really proud of him for having had quit pills (or so I thought). At one point in the day, he asked me to go over and get him a soda while he stayed by the lockers. Somehow, I just knew, and I circled the lockers and snuck up behind him as he was popping pills. I asked him what he was taking and he said Tylenol. I grabbed his shorts that were in his hand, and out fell piles of Vicodins, Xanaxes, and muscle relaxers. I was devastated. He said he had started again soon after he had quit back in New York, and that he knew it was stupid, and that he really wanted to stop it all. I believed him, but not as much as I had the first time.
I had many tears and sleepless nights, and he swore he was done with all that and he'd stop doing everything. I believed him and sort of kept a close watch to see if he was sober... At that point, I was confused and didn't know what was going on. I thought he was still taking Xanax. I also didn't see the misery and the sickness he had had when he had quit for real back in NY (I do believe he HAD quit in NY), so I wondered why that was.
So, again, a few more weeks went by, and I started getting the sense he wasn't completely sober, though he claimed he was. There was one night I thought I smelled alcohol, but I swore that couldn't be possible since alcohol was the one thing that he could NOT touch or mass chaos would ensue (according to all his stories of his past). So, stupid me, I was in denial I guess.
A few nights later we were at a rock show and he went to get us sodas at the bar. I came up behind him as the bartender was handing him a shot of something. I asked my husband what it was, he said he didn't know, a freebie? and he said he'll be back, he was going to the restroom. Well I know no bartender would give a free random shot of alcohol to someone who ordered two cokes, so I asked the bartender and he said my husband ordered Southern Comfort. I confronted my husband and he lied to my face and said he didn't order it. We both knew he was lying. So he admitted it. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he convinced me that he could totally handle alcohol, and told me nothing bad would come of him having a drink. What was I supposed to do? -- so he began to drink 6-8 beers a day over the course of the next two days. the next night I went to get coffee and when I got back our car was gone. I called his cell and he said he went to check out a band and that he was going to another bar to check out another band. I asked if he had been drinking at the first bar. He said he had one beer, and that he'd probably have one more, and that he'd see my back home in an hour. He sounded fine. Ths was around 10:30pm. He never came home that night. I have never cried so hard, it was the WORST night of my life. I checked every hospital, the jails... The next day he called around 11am, completely devastated. He had gone on an alcohol and coke binge and slept in the car (thank god he didn't drive). I told him to come home, and when he did, he cried and said it was over, all the drugs and the drinking, and he'd go to NA again and he was so sorry and he'd make it up to me. I believed him with all my heart.
He went to NA (with my cajoling -- I didn't realize you weren't supposed to do that) the next night. When he came home, my original husband was back -- a bit shaken and devastated that he was back in NA -- but I really felt he "got it". I thoght he'd go to a meeting every day like he had said he would, so when he didn't the next day, and the next, I began to feel resentful and a bit conned. That was this past Monday. Tuesday he went up north on a hunting trip for three days. He came home tonight. I was so happy to see him. But then I smelled his breath. I confronted him and he swore he didn't drink and said I was acting crazy. But, I was 100% sure. So he basically said this is his problem and not mine and I should just live my life, which I thought was the most selfish thing, since living your life is hard when your husband doesn't come home one night. I threatened to separate from him -- but that didn't hold any weight. Where would he or me go?
He was "really tired" and didn't want to talk about it any further. He went to bed. I went into the garage and found some of his Southern Comfort stash. I am so angry and hurt and mad and I don't know what to do. I know that I can't make him quit drinking/drugging (I still do not know what pills he has or is doing). But I do know I can NOT take this heartache and pain anymore. I love him so much, but I fear he will have another episode like the all nighter, and maybe one that ends worse, with a car crash, jail, etc. Why should I have to sacrifice my sense of stability and normalcy? I am a wreck all the time now.
My question is (you thought I'd never get to the point
... Now what do I do? I am very, very angry, but I know that won't help matters if I act mad at him, it will make him defensive. I don't want to be "supportive" of something I am so totally against. He says I have to just let him work his own thing out. He says it shouldn't affect me. I think that's the most selfish thing a person can say. Am I supposed to sit idly by with my mouth shut? And for how long? Is there a time limit on this? I already feel like my time here in TX so far has been a roller coaster and a misery. And, to make matters worse, my parents are coming to visit us and our new home next week.I really had to write all this to get it off my chest, but if anyone has ANY suggestions on what I can do, or how I can alleviate some of the pain, please let me know.
Thanks so much for reading this.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Welcome to the board. Well I can't really give you advice but do keep something in mind tho: you can't change the ppl you love, they gotta do that themselves. How hard that may be for you to accept, it is true. Other than that try to look at the pro's and the con's of your relationship and if the bad outweigh the good end it and if vica versa continue, do set boundaries tho on what you accept.
*hugs* Good luck.
*hugs* Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Not your fault!!
Jbat,
This sooo isnt your fault. So dont ever think like it is. No, you cannot MAKE him stop. He clearly doesnt want to stop. He keeps telling you hes going to quit. He creates the illusion that he has. You believe him for a while. And why shouldnt you? Everything is hunky dorey for a while. So you give it not a second thought. Then, events like at the waterpark rear their ugly heads. Then you question if he ever really quit. You feel stupid. You feel used. You feel betrayed. What this addict needs is consequences. He uses, and you cry, but you stay with him. He then goes on the wagon,...then uses, you cry, but you stay with him. He then goes BACK on the wagon,....then...he uses, you cry, but you stay with him. He then lies and SAYS hes back on the wagon, he CONNTINUES to use behind your back,....you catch him,....he crys,...you cry,....but YOU STAY WITH HIM. So far,...the lesson this addict is getting is this:
NO MATTER HOW BAD I F*CK UP,....MY WIFE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME.
SO THIS JOINT OR PILL OR CASE OF BEER WILL NOT HURT OUR MARRIAGE. I MAY GET NAGGED OR WE MAY FIGHT, BUT IT WILL BLOW OVER. I CAN DEAL WITH THAT.
You should leave him for atleast a while. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. And during this time, attend Al-anon meetings. They teach you how to live your life after or during being affected by the addict. And believe me,...your husband is lying when he says that this shouldnt affect you. He KNOWS that is impossible. He KNOWS this affects you.
This sooo isnt your fault. So dont ever think like it is. No, you cannot MAKE him stop. He clearly doesnt want to stop. He keeps telling you hes going to quit. He creates the illusion that he has. You believe him for a while. And why shouldnt you? Everything is hunky dorey for a while. So you give it not a second thought. Then, events like at the waterpark rear their ugly heads. Then you question if he ever really quit. You feel stupid. You feel used. You feel betrayed. What this addict needs is consequences. He uses, and you cry, but you stay with him. He then goes on the wagon,...then uses, you cry, but you stay with him. He then goes BACK on the wagon,....then...he uses, you cry, but you stay with him. He then lies and SAYS hes back on the wagon, he CONNTINUES to use behind your back,....you catch him,....he crys,...you cry,....but YOU STAY WITH HIM. So far,...the lesson this addict is getting is this:
NO MATTER HOW BAD I F*CK UP,....MY WIFE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME.
SO THIS JOINT OR PILL OR CASE OF BEER WILL NOT HURT OUR MARRIAGE. I MAY GET NAGGED OR WE MAY FIGHT, BUT IT WILL BLOW OVER. I CAN DEAL WITH THAT.
You should leave him for atleast a while. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. And during this time, attend Al-anon meetings. They teach you how to live your life after or during being affected by the addict. And believe me,...your husband is lying when he says that this shouldnt affect you. He KNOWS that is impossible. He KNOWS this affects you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hello amd Welcome to SR....
Glad you found us....and I am sorry for your pain.I suggest you read and re post here..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=23
Prayers for you and your husvand...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 7
(Original Poster)
Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate both points of view. Earlybird, I definitely do NOT blame myself. He knows very well that alcoholism and addiction is in his genetics. He knows better than this. I think that's what's so frustrating.
What's also frustrating is that I am completely aware that I have trained him that I am not going anywhere no matter what happens. After the out-all-night coke binge when I thought he was dead, I think I should have made him go somewhere, if only for a few days, that very next day. I considered it, but of course he convinced me it was OVER, no more alcohol EVER, so I made him comfortable and cried like him, and was supportive, and look at me now -- the fool.
Now I'm sure he is comforted by the fact that if I am still here after that horrible night, I will be here no matter what.
I do support the suggestion that I should just leave. The problem is, I am brand new to this city, and I work from home. I have nowhere to go, and I am not ready to tell my family or friends about this. I know, it sounds like excuses.
I keep making the mistake of bringing it up with him. Which to him sounds like nagging, and we get in an arguement, which never solves anything. I can't keep it all inside, so I start to "talk" to him about it and it never does any good. I hate the way I sound when I "discuss" it. It irritates even ME. I understand that we can talk about it till we're blue in the face, but unless he wants to quit, he won't.
Maybe every time I feel like saying something, I will just come up here and let it all out on this board... if y'all don't mind.
Thanks again.
What's also frustrating is that I am completely aware that I have trained him that I am not going anywhere no matter what happens. After the out-all-night coke binge when I thought he was dead, I think I should have made him go somewhere, if only for a few days, that very next day. I considered it, but of course he convinced me it was OVER, no more alcohol EVER, so I made him comfortable and cried like him, and was supportive, and look at me now -- the fool.
Now I'm sure he is comforted by the fact that if I am still here after that horrible night, I will be here no matter what.
I do support the suggestion that I should just leave. The problem is, I am brand new to this city, and I work from home. I have nowhere to go, and I am not ready to tell my family or friends about this. I know, it sounds like excuses.
I keep making the mistake of bringing it up with him. Which to him sounds like nagging, and we get in an arguement, which never solves anything. I can't keep it all inside, so I start to "talk" to him about it and it never does any good. I hate the way I sound when I "discuss" it. It irritates even ME. I understand that we can talk about it till we're blue in the face, but unless he wants to quit, he won't.
Maybe every time I feel like saying something, I will just come up here and let it all out on this board... if y'all don't mind.
Thanks again.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Your story reminds me so much of mine, except I played the part of your husband. My wife (now ex) put up with my lies, excuses and betrayals for years, until finally she couldn't do it anymore. I don't know if it was our divorce that finally woke me up out of my drug induced haze or if I finally just had had enough myself. I do know that I miss her terribly and wish things had turned out differently. I feel I am a different person now, but I've said that to her so many times she is rightfully skeptical. Though it pains me greatly that we are no longer together, maybe it was in fact what I needed. I dont' know. I know that I've been clean over 6 months now and that is the most time I've volunteraly put together in the last 16 years. Just thoguht I'd share a little different perspective with you. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Jbat
but of course he convinced me it was OVER, no more alcohol EVER,
Thats the problem.....
No alcoholic seriously TRYING to quit, ever can say they will NEVER drink again. As a matter of fact,....a guy I knew who had a bunch of drunk drivings on his record was trying to get his license back. He never actually attended any AA meetings. He just had his buddies sign his AA sheets. He went before the judge and said what he thought was the PERFECT thing to say. He said "Your Honor,....I can GUARANTEE I will never drink again!!" The judge said that no serious member of AA would EVER say that. He knew that AA members never guarantee any length of sobriety. One day at a time. This clown didnt know that though. He didnt get his license back. Your husband CANNOT guarantee he wont drink. He may say so and be very sincere at the time,...but, he isnt sure. So making him promise you, is simply to pacify you at the time. It doesnt really hold any water.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I find
your reasons are valid and not excuses.
I suggest you begin separating your finances from his.
You want to protect your assets.
Addictions are expensive!
The reason I suggested you go over to the other is to meet those who are in your situation.
Do keep posting...you are not alone.
I suggest you begin separating your finances from his.
You want to protect your assets.
Addictions are expensive!
The reason I suggested you go over to the other is to meet those who are in your situation.
Do keep posting...you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
I've lived both sides of this coin. I'm one of the weird ones. I am an alcoholic but only drank alcoholically for 3 years (trust me that was enough to wreak lots of devastation on my kids, family, finances, job, and most of all my health. I almost killed myself in 3 short years. He can tell you he's gonna quit til he's blue in the face but until the pain of what he is doing is greater than the pain of stopping he's not going to quit.
Prior to me becoming an alcoholic, I was married to one. He was ok when not drunk but once drinking became very mean and verbally abusive. I threatened, I cried, I tried to talk sense into him, I tried to become the liquor police, I tried everything I could to make him quit. I couldn't. I had moved to another state and felt utterly alone. I was close to my family and confided what was going on. One night he pinned me to the couch and that was the catalyst I needed. I got the hell out. I moved back home to Texas. After several months he convinced me he had changed and I allowed him to move to Texas with me. The next 4 months were hell! Not only did I have to deal with his alcoholism but I had become one myself. I threw him out! I'd like to say I got myself sober then but I didn't. It took two more years before that happened.
No matter how much you love him and want him to quit you cannot make him. What you can do is start looking out for you. I like the idea of separating your finances. Build a nest egg or mad money or whatever. Get yourself to Al-Anon NOW!!! They have been through this and will give you more support, experience, strength and hope than you can imagine. They will help you cope if you continue to stay with him. Also accept that at some point it may become necessary for your own sanity to get away. I would suggest talking to your family if you are close, telling them the truth of what is going on (you said they are coming to visit shortly and if you don't tell them they may very well get to figure it out first hand). Get a support system in place and get a plan in place. Quit threatening to leave unless and until you are ready to act on it. Work on you. If he gets in trouble due to his using, let him live those consequenses. Don't bail him out. It will be hard but it is necessary. Protecting us does us no favors, believe me.
You are powerless over what he chooses to do. You are NOT powerless over how you allow it to affect you. Look out for yourself first and foremost. It may feel foreign and it may feel like you are not being a good wife but you owe it to you and your own sanity.
Good luck and by all means keeps posting here. I hope this helps at least in some small way.
Hugs,
Kellye
Prior to me becoming an alcoholic, I was married to one. He was ok when not drunk but once drinking became very mean and verbally abusive. I threatened, I cried, I tried to talk sense into him, I tried to become the liquor police, I tried everything I could to make him quit. I couldn't. I had moved to another state and felt utterly alone. I was close to my family and confided what was going on. One night he pinned me to the couch and that was the catalyst I needed. I got the hell out. I moved back home to Texas. After several months he convinced me he had changed and I allowed him to move to Texas with me. The next 4 months were hell! Not only did I have to deal with his alcoholism but I had become one myself. I threw him out! I'd like to say I got myself sober then but I didn't. It took two more years before that happened.
No matter how much you love him and want him to quit you cannot make him. What you can do is start looking out for you. I like the idea of separating your finances. Build a nest egg or mad money or whatever. Get yourself to Al-Anon NOW!!! They have been through this and will give you more support, experience, strength and hope than you can imagine. They will help you cope if you continue to stay with him. Also accept that at some point it may become necessary for your own sanity to get away. I would suggest talking to your family if you are close, telling them the truth of what is going on (you said they are coming to visit shortly and if you don't tell them they may very well get to figure it out first hand). Get a support system in place and get a plan in place. Quit threatening to leave unless and until you are ready to act on it. Work on you. If he gets in trouble due to his using, let him live those consequenses. Don't bail him out. It will be hard but it is necessary. Protecting us does us no favors, believe me.
You are powerless over what he chooses to do. You are NOT powerless over how you allow it to affect you. Look out for yourself first and foremost. It may feel foreign and it may feel like you are not being a good wife but you owe it to you and your own sanity.
Good luck and by all means keeps posting here. I hope this helps at least in some small way.
Hugs,
Kellye
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
You asked for suggestions? Mine would be Nar Anon or Al Anon. You could accomplish two things that way. You would recieve the best and cheapest form of support for dealing with addiction AND you would make some new friends in your new town. Oh and another benefit would be to understand the program you so badly want him to return to.
You have found yourself caught up in the chaos of drugs and it isn't easy to walk away when you love someone. You think the next day will be better...you want so badly to believe him that in spite of what you clearly see in front of your face you try to. It is a terrible way to live.
Come here any time!
Hugs,
JT
You have found yourself caught up in the chaos of drugs and it isn't easy to walk away when you love someone. You think the next day will be better...you want so badly to believe him that in spite of what you clearly see in front of your face you try to. It is a terrible way to live.
Come here any time!
Hugs,
JT
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
