how do you decide what is normal drinking
 

His dad is a drinker, his freinds are drinkers, his brother is a drinker. For him to have 4-5 a day is okay, and to be drunk on the weekend, because hey its the weekend is okay. Sometimes drunk is smashed, a case. And sometimes it is just 10-12 the entire day. And sometimes its not the entire weekend, its just one day of the weekend, and sometimes not at all. So do I accept this variety of drinking habits as normal because of his upbringing and cultural activities. Do I accomodate and understand that it is okay, its his way. Because when I pushed it my way, I was said to be controlling the situation, and not letting him be himself. We had many great times when he was drunk or high, and he says I should just let it be, whether drunk or high, he is still him, and not treat him differently, or feel differently. I am unsure, I love him, and adore him, he is my best friend, and I can accept many peoples differences, and I am looking for a compromise, but I feel it has to come from me. I can to some degree, but I want some in return, I want less drinking, less sporadic, less pot, more time, more comfort, less fear, more security. He is working and making goals, doing well, so he feels there is no longer a problem with his drinking. I don't know if there is, because we are currently separated. We broke off, because he decided he was tired of us fighting about the same topic, tired of hurting me, and he wanted to step back, and work on himself, and take care of him, so he could take better care of me and the situation. And vice versa, because the entire situation was overwhelming and I wasn't being as fair, compassionate, trusting and comfortable as I once was. But I am still afraid, once this is all said and done, will I be okay. Will I be back to normal, like way back when we first started dating and he drank a few beers or smoked up, and I didn't wince. I am not sure if this is making sense. What do you think?

Hello....
 

I think you should check out our Friends and Family Forum. :wave:

Read the post and see if you think Al anon is a good place for you.

nlessings..

If I read your post correctly,that is not normal drinking, I say this with hesitation, because I really can't say if someone else has alcoholism, I only know for sure that I have it. Drinking that tears a marriage apart does not sound good to me. Definetly check out the family and friends forum, and welcome. You are not alone.
Bless, Trish

Here are the facts...
 

The US based NADAA (National Assocation of Drug and Alcohol Abuse) defines moderate consumption of alcohol as

one drink daily for women and two for men.

One drink is defined as a glass of wine 8 ounces
a cocktail consisting of 1 1/2 ounces of spirits
or one 12 ounce bottle of beer.

I know when I had a good time with my father, he had *min* zero drinks to *max* two glasses of wine over several hours. Usually only one at dinner. No beer, no spirits.

And he grew up in wine country!

My mom, on the other hand, drank Nyquil. But I can count the "Good Times" I had with her on one hand.