yoursister

Still trying to help my mom, had called my sister who has considerably more resources than me and also is not 9 months pregnant and she took my mother to her house. However, in the process, she talked to my brother and he managed to convince her that he was not involved in anything, which maybe he wasn't, and also that the best thing is for him to stay there. It does not sound like there was any discussion of his drinking and possible other drug use and how this may be impacting his ability to care for my mother, etc. She sent me an email in which she basically said it seems like my concerns about him are the result of a misunderstanding, in which I overreacted to information I received from two of my other sisters about how he told my mother she should not give the police any more information for fear that the guy who took her stuff would hurt him.

I talked to my mother tonight and affirmed that I was glad she was at my sister's and feeling secure and getting a lot of rest. I reiterated that I have concerns that my brother has substance abuse issues that are affecting his health and that I don't want his health to be a burden to her. She reacted by saying that she does not see my brother as having a drinking problem or any other kind of substance abuse problem, and that she thinks I see this as a problem because I'm "predisposed" to see it. I said I wished that were the case. I affirmed to her that I want my brother to be successful, to be healthy, but that I worry that his drinking, etc might be a barrier to that, and that I also worry more importantly that it will affect her.

I have begun to feel like an orphan and the only one willing to take a stand and recognize that alcoholism and other drug use is a consuming problem for my brother. I sent a reply to my sister today to let her know that while I will continue to support my mom and want to have her to my house as much as possible, I do not want to put myself or my family at risk by going to her her house, until there is some indication that my brother is on a path toward recovery, or that he is at least able to do something to keep himself safe from the violent threats of others which he claims are aimed at him.

splendra

((((Yoursister))))

I am sure that your concern for you mom is really stressing you out.In your condition I hope you will just try to take good care of yourself and not try to force anything. I think you are right to keep your distance from your brother and I don't blame you one bit for not wanting your children around him.

People see what they want to see. I do not know how long your brother has lived with your mom but it seems that she has grown comfortable with her situation. As your brother gets deeper into his addiction his behavior will be more reckonizable to others MAYBE if they want to see what is real. Your other siblings may be living around someone elses active addiction that they do not wish to look at right now and if they see your brothers behavior as addiction then it might force them to see something else they do not wish to see right now.

Take as good a care of yourself as you can and don't let what is happening with someone else (even though it is you mom and your brother) drag you down or stress you out. See the situation for what it is and apply it to protecting your own life.

splendra

(((ys)))

May I add that it really saddens me that you know how I feel. My family calls me selfish and uncaring because I do not allow them to use me as a taxi service and a bank. But I know they will never get it if I am constantly filling in the gaps that their using causes.

I have tried for years to get my mom out of the situation she is in with my other siblings but, she maintains an illution that she is in control and she knows that she could not maintain that with me. I have seen her get in between the marriages of my other siblings and see that she is just not happy unless she has all of her kids under her roof and choking on her apron strings. Even though she is elderly she still knows what she is doing and I believe she is doing what she wants to do. and who do I think I am to try and stop it....I have two choices I can either go imearse myelf in their stuff or, I can live my own life. I choose my own life thank you. I have my Father in heaven to be my parent so there fore I am not an orphan any more....

yoursister

That is beautiful that you have that sense of your father still. It brings tears to my eyes. If my father were still alive, I do not think we would be in this situation, but who knows. My mother needs someone who can help her see the truth even if it is ugly. Apparently she is not able to take the truth when I show it to her, by repeating back to her how she has expressed in her own words her worry about my brother's addictions. She disappears into denial and can't be called out of it.

I have a supportive husband and friends and am grateful for that, and for your good thoughts as well. Take care!