Why can't i .....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Littleton Colorado
Posts: 13
Why can't i .....
Why can't i figure out what i want to do with my life. My boyfriend pressures me and i feel like im a dissapointment to my family. I have a full time job and some college and my diploma but im so frusterated that i have lost a lot of confidence. I think thats why i dove so much into to drinking. Im so frusterated. At least when i was moved out i felt somewhat more independent. I just feel like im never going to have a future cuz i have no idea what i want to do. At 22 should you? Im not mouching off my parents and pay all my bills i just feel trapped!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: roseville,ca
Posts: 13
sound similar to what i have going. its hard to live up to people expectation of what you should be. hard to make it on your own when everything boils down that what you can do and provide. it leaves such an emptiness. an sense of worthlessness. you hope the best and expect the worst. hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi Kerry,
I think it's a question of what fears we have, and how they drive us. I've always been plagued with a fear of failure or being inadequate - that drove me to run my own businesses from 19 or 20 years old or so.
I'm sure many driven people are so driven by a process that in itself makes us unhappy. There are people I know who are sucessful but can enjoy it. - They're the ones I envy.
If you can't work out what to do maybe you've just not got the need to do anything. I think we're naturally all very lazy creatures, we only run when we're chased by something, or if we're hungry and want to catch something.
To get anywhere when we're in between the two we need to step out of the comfort zone and go looking for things to chase, and challenge others to chase us - It's what we were designed to do.
Have you ever read - "Who moved my cheese?" can't remember the author. If you've not - you might find it interesting.
Keep working at it - you'll get there.
Deg.
I think it's a question of what fears we have, and how they drive us. I've always been plagued with a fear of failure or being inadequate - that drove me to run my own businesses from 19 or 20 years old or so.
I'm sure many driven people are so driven by a process that in itself makes us unhappy. There are people I know who are sucessful but can enjoy it. - They're the ones I envy.
If you can't work out what to do maybe you've just not got the need to do anything. I think we're naturally all very lazy creatures, we only run when we're chased by something, or if we're hungry and want to catch something.
To get anywhere when we're in between the two we need to step out of the comfort zone and go looking for things to chase, and challenge others to chase us - It's what we were designed to do.
Have you ever read - "Who moved my cheese?" can't remember the author. If you've not - you might find it interesting.
Keep working at it - you'll get there.
Deg.
Need to change
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 11
Hi Kerry, and all,
Kerry many of your words rang true to me. I was an unpopular kid from a pretty non-involved family. ZERO self confidence, often kinda depressed. When down I used to spend time by myself.
At 20 I got hired to work as a bartender in a "joint". I finally fit in! People who were lonlier than me! I had a smart-alecky sense of humor which really appealed to the cynics so we all laughed together. I was considered a great bartender and so I worked as much as possible. Even some of the kids who never befriended me would come around because it was a novelty to know a bartender. But soon I saw them less because they started families. I discovered "free alcohol" and didnt think much about how much we all drank. All my new friends drank and all their friends drank. All my bars regulars drank way more than me! I didn't really think I was that depressed anymore.
After about 6 years I began to feel like I should be doing more with a career. Felt I was to old for college. Started managing restaurants away from my home state. Never too far from free alcohol. The long hours and stuffy, sober customers didn't appeal to me.
Dropped everything and moved home. Went to college for a bachelors degree. Bartended part-time..... free alcohol. My father passed, so I drank more but graduated. Took a job in sales but it didn't appeal to me. I quit and went to grad school. Got a great degree and a safe job, but it didn't appeal to me, so I quit and took another contract based job with no benefits. We finished the project this passed summer. Near the end of the project I was barely involved and faked a family emergency so I wouldn't have to be around. I used the time and money to drink.
I'm looking for a new opportunity now, but really feel no confidence or motivation. I NEVER really put together a plan for my life or found a source of guidance. My workouts at the gym are non-existant. I see the spiral.
Kerry, you mentioned drinking to cover a lack of confidence and motivation. You mentioned not knowing what to do with your life. I'll tell you the only thing I know... you may wake up at 40 with the ONE thing you've alwas had. If you continue to do what I did at 22, you may do what I have for the past 18. Drink, and wonder why I dont know what I'm doing with my life. Sad thing is, I think I HAVE been doing what I wanted to... and nothing else. I haven't gotten married, nor wanted to devote drinking time to a family of my own. My family doesn't really know how much I drink, they've made it very easy to hide. I just lost a great girlfriend who's father is an alcoholic because I thought her ALANON was "hokey". Still, all my friends drink, the best ones drink the most.
I've only in the past weeks really looked this closely at my life, and have never said these words aloud or written them all down before.
Please feel free to share your ideas with me.
bdug
Kerry many of your words rang true to me. I was an unpopular kid from a pretty non-involved family. ZERO self confidence, often kinda depressed. When down I used to spend time by myself.
At 20 I got hired to work as a bartender in a "joint". I finally fit in! People who were lonlier than me! I had a smart-alecky sense of humor which really appealed to the cynics so we all laughed together. I was considered a great bartender and so I worked as much as possible. Even some of the kids who never befriended me would come around because it was a novelty to know a bartender. But soon I saw them less because they started families. I discovered "free alcohol" and didnt think much about how much we all drank. All my new friends drank and all their friends drank. All my bars regulars drank way more than me! I didn't really think I was that depressed anymore.
After about 6 years I began to feel like I should be doing more with a career. Felt I was to old for college. Started managing restaurants away from my home state. Never too far from free alcohol. The long hours and stuffy, sober customers didn't appeal to me.
Dropped everything and moved home. Went to college for a bachelors degree. Bartended part-time..... free alcohol. My father passed, so I drank more but graduated. Took a job in sales but it didn't appeal to me. I quit and went to grad school. Got a great degree and a safe job, but it didn't appeal to me, so I quit and took another contract based job with no benefits. We finished the project this passed summer. Near the end of the project I was barely involved and faked a family emergency so I wouldn't have to be around. I used the time and money to drink.
I'm looking for a new opportunity now, but really feel no confidence or motivation. I NEVER really put together a plan for my life or found a source of guidance. My workouts at the gym are non-existant. I see the spiral.
Kerry, you mentioned drinking to cover a lack of confidence and motivation. You mentioned not knowing what to do with your life. I'll tell you the only thing I know... you may wake up at 40 with the ONE thing you've alwas had. If you continue to do what I did at 22, you may do what I have for the past 18. Drink, and wonder why I dont know what I'm doing with my life. Sad thing is, I think I HAVE been doing what I wanted to... and nothing else. I haven't gotten married, nor wanted to devote drinking time to a family of my own. My family doesn't really know how much I drink, they've made it very easy to hide. I just lost a great girlfriend who's father is an alcoholic because I thought her ALANON was "hokey". Still, all my friends drink, the best ones drink the most.
I've only in the past weeks really looked this closely at my life, and have never said these words aloud or written them all down before.
Please feel free to share your ideas with me.
bdug
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
"Who Moved My Cheese?"......Spencer Johnson, M.D.
One of the greatest books I ever read. Read it at least 5 times, fast fun reading. A best seller for years and years. Buy it today!
OH, and if you are unsure, you can continue down the same road you are traveling like I did for the next 20 years.
Continue to have a poor relationship with yourself, like I did.......
Continue to be unhappy and work the escape route, like I did.....
Always getting high and drinking, hoping some day it would be better. lile I did......
It never got better. Progressively got worse.
Keep on doing what you have been doing, and you will keep getting what you haver been getting.
At you age, to be taking a good look at your life and comtemplating change is AWESOME!!!!
Go for it now, I wished I had.
One of the greatest books I ever read. Read it at least 5 times, fast fun reading. A best seller for years and years. Buy it today!
OH, and if you are unsure, you can continue down the same road you are traveling like I did for the next 20 years.
Continue to have a poor relationship with yourself, like I did.......
Continue to be unhappy and work the escape route, like I did.....
Always getting high and drinking, hoping some day it would be better. lile I did......
It never got better. Progressively got worse.
Keep on doing what you have been doing, and you will keep getting what you haver been getting.
At you age, to be taking a good look at your life and comtemplating change is AWESOME!!!!
Go for it now, I wished I had.
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