lulu70

.....and need some support. I am not very good at asking for help, but I could use some right now. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I am just really having a down day. I am a giant ball of negativity. Everyone I see and everything I do is being completely criticized by my freaked out head. I am feeling completely out of control.

I stopped taking my Zoloft about three weeks ago, and initially I felt a lot better. I know I was feeling more emotions, but it wasn't bad. Now I don't know if what I am going through is related to being off the meds, or if I am just going through a bit of a rough patch. I don't know. I talked to my daughter's father on the phone a little while ago and almost completely bit his head off.

I don't feel the need for a drink or a drug, thank God, but I don't know what to do with all this muck going on in my head.

Good Lord!!!! I am even making myself sick with my ranting and "poor me" routine. Sorry to unload on you guys. I just didn't know what else to do. I need to call my sponsor, but I know she will just say, "I told you so..."

Bleck, blah, and bah-humbug........

Thanks for being here--

futureprimate

I blame sundays. They have always messed with me since i was a kid. Sorry to bring the curse back! For real though: Its hard to find a way out of your own head. Impossible really. I know I cannot do it alone, so I hope maybe if you know that I am as confused as you, it can reassure ya to the point of regaining a certain hope for life. That's what i'm looking for, and if i havent' given up, then i know you can keep sluggin' it out as well.

peace.

nogard

Hey Laura,

Could just be the rollercoster of emotions after stopping the medication, if so then hang in there and it will pass, if not hang in there and it will pass. Either way, post more and get to a few meetings, read the Big Book, phone people and keep doing it until your ok.

Love nogard

lulu70

(((((((((((fp, Kevin))))))))))))) I just want to cry and cry and cry. It's funny. I told my therapist about 10 months ago that I felt like the Zoloft was keeping me from being able to cry. In a lot of ways I am grateful for feeling the way I am. And of course, Kevin, you are right. No matter what it is that is going on, it will pass with time.

I took a hot shower and I feel a bit better now. Hanging out and reading a lot here. And FP, you are right too. There is something about Sundays.

I guess I just need a little "peace, love, and understanding." I think I often won't ask for it because then I can't be upset if I don't get it. I need to get over that. I know I can count on my friends here at SR!

I'll be back later. My emotions are all over the place. I need to have some dinner, then maybe after I get Q to bed I can have that cry I seem to so desperately need.

Thanks again--

CarolD

I know nothing abouy your med. Sorry.

However...
When I feel blue.....I do some or all of these....

Put on jazzy music..sing and dance around the room

Pray....Take a bubble bath...Go for a walk

Cook Chili.....Listen to the Big Book or Bible

Spray on perfume, slather on make up, wear red

Eat Ice Cream....Call a friend....Go to an AA meeting

Extra hugs zinging your way.

nogard

Thinking of you (((((Laura))))), Kevin

lulu70

I think I might be sick. I feel like I have been hit by a Mack truck. I woke up Saturday morning and felt like I had been out head-banging all night the night before. I suppose that could have something to do with the "out of control" feeling.

Thanks to those of you who replied....(((((((((Kevin(again), stormy, Carol))))))))) I was starting to let the lack of replies send me for another loop. More of that "poor me" crap. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

Hugs to you all--

hopealwayz

((((Laura))))) Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. It can get very rough at times, but the great news is that it will pass. No matter how good or bad something is, it will pass. Life is just always changing like that. We are here for you and always know that you can share with us anytime. Sometimes it can help you feel better just by venting and letting it out.
Prayers coming your way.
Hang in there sweetie!

Love,
Angel

wantneeda

(((Laura)))
let go and let God
the good, the bad, the ugly
cryings cleanses the soul,
we're here for you
don't forget to breathe, and don't stuff
maybe write it down as you're feeling it
it might help
write a letter to your emotions, your meds, your disease
burn it if you feel the need
take it easy on you at the same time
try to stay in the moment
just suggestions
love ya
hugs, Wendy

luluabel

(((((((((Laura))))))))) hope your feeling a little better today love Kim xxx

Dan

Seems we sometimes get toxic even though we no longer ingest toxins, eh...
I wonder how these emotions can overcome me like lightning, sometimes.
One minute, I'm more or less content and confident about my life. The next can see me so overwhelmed with self doubt and anger that I feel like two people sometimes.
I'm told it's the complete menu we experience, as it were, when we don't load up with masking agents anymore.
My sponsor used to tell me that part of why I'm emotionaly behind other people is that I drank and drugged through many experiences that would have been formative to my emotional balance.
I just wasn't there when the lessons were being offered up, you know...

Thanks for the lesson Laura. Solidly sober for many months you are, and the lessons are still difficult at times. We recovering people need to know that.
It's a lifetime's work, isn't it.

Grace and courage I wish for you.

lulu70

(((((((((Angel, Wendy, Kim, Dan))))))))) I am feeling better today. I have a sick kid so I can't go to work. Not necessarily a bad thing..... It is a beautiful morning. I still feel a little bit shaky, but I know I will get through this.

Yeah, Dan... This is most definitely a lifetime's work. I think part of my problem is that I only got to one meeting last week. That just doesn't work for me. I am going to see if my Dad can come over for a little while today so I can go to one. I know I need it.

I also know about the whole emotional age thing. I started drinking when I was fourteen. So with 18 months sobriety, I am really only about 16-17 emotionally. No wonder I am feeling a little bit insane! LOL

One of the most important things I have learned in sobriety is to not let myself just sit with my messed up emotions. That is also one of the hardest things I have had to learn. I am one of those people who always wants to help other people and never help myself. "I feel F.I.N.E.!!" I will say. (F-ed up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional is what that means.) I don't like to ask for help. I think I should be able to deal with everything on my own. It really took a lot for me to post about how I was feeling last night. But I am proud of myself for doing it. I consider it progress. Now I just need to go on and call my sponsor!!! LOL

Thanks, again, for being here, everyone!! Love you all!

Hugs--

2dayzmuse

(((Laura)))

I can relate to you in many ways. I'm extremely independent. Almost to a fault. I don't know why I'm like that. Somewhere along the way I've been conditioned to not ask for help also. I feel if I can do it myself I won't ask anyone else too either. However, there are many things I cannot do myself be it for physical or financial reasons. Or just plain foolish pride. I might add I'm not a very handy capable person. I can't find my screwdriver and someone took my hammer. Everything I own is either breaking down or broke. I am still surviving.

Anyways... I'm glad you reached out for moral support. You have overcome many obstacles and are a wonderful inspiration for others. Just curious though. Why quitting the meds? I just wanted to make sure that your Dr. has recommended it. Depending on the situation, meds can be useful and a lifesaver, or a detriment. I'm sure you have discussed it thoroughly and have both come to the cunclusion it is the best decision for you. I hope you and your daughter are feeling better soon....

lulu70

((((((((Leanne))))))))) Thanks for the message. As far as the meds go, my doctor and I had decided I would taper down to a small dose and then we were going to switch me to a different med. I gained A LOT of weight in the past year and have wondered if some of it wasn't because of the Zoloft. (I know weight-gain can be a side-effect.) Each time I tapered down, once I got through the initial few days I felt much better. I had more energy, I felt happier, more in touch with my emotions, etc. I was supposed to see the doctor again at the beginning of the month but had to reschedule because of my new job. I was cutting down to 50mg/day and started feeling that ick and decided I just wanted to quit taking the meds altogether. Maybe not such a good idea, but I didn't want to have to pay for another refill to give it all up in a few weeks. I actually felt better than I have in a long time for the first three weeks off the meds. Just had kind of a rough weekend. I need to go see my doctor again, but if I can do this thing without the meds, I would much prefer it. I really think a lot of my freak out this weekend was because I was fighting getting sick. My daughter is home sick from school today with a fever and cough/cold. I am really trying to just be honest about how I am feeling and pay attention to what is going on in my head. I honestly don't know if I really have clinical depression or not. I was drinking for so long or on some other drug, I want to give myself a chance to experience life without any medication.

Thanks again for the concern. You asked a legitimate question. Just sorry I went on so long with my answer!

Hugs--

nogard

Laura, glad your feeling better, hope your child gets well and that you have a great day.

nogard

lulu70

I had an interesting day today. I got to go to a meeting at noon, which was great, and the topic was dealing with emotions in sobriety. LOL!!!! Pretty perfect for me.

The morning leading up to the meeting was a little bit more difficult. Some of you know about my issues with Q's father. He definitely has a substance abuse problem. It came to sort of a head about a month ago and he said he was done. Well, apparently he wasn't.

He called me at around 6am this morning. He was drunk. And pretty insane. I won't bore you all with the gory details, but it was so hard listening to the chaos and remembering what my life was like. And knowing that he is living that hell now and our daughter still has to be a part of it. She needs her dad. I may encourage him to come here....... I don't know, though. I know I am being selfish, but I need this place and enjoy the fact that I can talk freely about him here.

He asked for help about a million times, and all I could say was I would help him all I could, but he had to do the work. It's funny. Since talking to him I have felt a little bit hung-over. Just goes to show how much our actions affect the ones who love us.

Emotionally, I am doing much better. I went to the meeting and called my sponsor tonight. Physically, I am still feeling pretty ick. I am taking Q to the doctor in the morning, though, so I will talk to them about how I am feeling, too.

Thanks again to all of you who responded to my cry...... It's nice to know that people care!

Hugs--

1Marty

Glad your doing ok Laura. I am also tapering off of ne of my meds (Paxil). I have also felt like you described on the meds - like my emotions where sort of on hold. I have been feeling many up and down emotions also in the past few weeks. Sunday's have always been kind of a downer for me. I like what Dan said about being emotionally behind. I can reall relate to that.