Meyekell

Hi,
I'm new to these forums but my mother uses them and said they are worthwhile, so I said to myself today considering my relapse after 6 days clean that maybe I should add forums to my allready existing AA/Pyscotheraputic Counseling/Parental Guidance support team.
I am an addict to everything I breathe, cigs coffee sex video games sleep music and food are all addictions, most of which haven't been too harmful in my life. My most damaging addiction is to marijuana, which AA hasn't seemed to help me permently quit. I have a sponsor and know which group will be my home group (the chair left before I could get to her last week). I have done the NA step working guides sugestions for steps 1,2, and 3; and I do feel I have given my will to the care of God. Even through this I continue to relapse.
I have considered getting help through another extended care rehab center (i left one in june) but it seems that my parents aren't that interested in paying for one, and I don't want to be burdensome on them. Besides, its "only weed" that keeps on getting me. I have very few cravings for alchohol and only curiosity as to what extended coke and limited heroin use might do for me, most of my experiance with drugs was with hallucinogens. These drugs have a shelf-life because theres only so much my mind can take, it seems on the other hand that I could go on smoking pot forever, despite repeated hospitalizations.
This most recent relapse came only because it was a thursday, does anyone have any advice for me?
Thanx,
Meyekell

undrunken

I hope the advice I am giving you is sound because I have some of the same addictions you have, plus a recent history with a return to marijuana use. I've been off of the weed for about 40 days now, alcohol-free for 8 days.

Here's my approach: I realized that I was pretty messed up before I started drinking way back in the day, so I spoke with a shrink and got Zoloft prescribed just to keep the seratonin levels right. I have a family history of depression that responds well to nonaddictive medication.

Once my true medical need was met I had no excuse to self-medicate. I also was forced to face my addictions together. Each one may be its own entity, but they all stem from the same self-centeredness. I am struggling with this part now. It sucks. No booze or other central nervous system depressants...AND I have to turn my eyes away from pretty legs in meetings.
I mean, this really sucks. Somehow, it has to be worth it though. I know it is worth everything in the world plus an arm and a leg every time I wake up hung over, having done something really stupid the night before. My enemy is not deprivation of these things. It is my short-term memory, conveniently forgetting the horrible remorse and fear that "this time" my prayers will surely fall on deaf ears. You just can't go on forever like that. Addictions are addictions.

Meyekell

Thanks for your responce undrunken... i wish there were more pretty legs for me to look at in meetings. In my area it seems like you have to have gray hair to be an AA. Its not that they turn away from young folk, its just that i can't relate to half the stuff they talk about and rarely hear something that resonates with me. I'm 22 years old and started going to meetings off an on when i was 19: at first they gave me full hugs and helped me on my way quite nicely, anymore it seems they don't want to see me there because the questions I ask are hard and maybe I share too much or something. Today I went to a picnic and quite literally sat alone waiting for someone to say something to me, because i was so hurt because of this last relapse- no one did, instead they sat and talked about the good old days when calculaters were the size of rooms and TV tubes needed to be replaced on a regular basis. No lie.
As far as medication goes Zoloft made me suicidal, I take abilify and lamictal (which i just started) and am pretty happy with them. Smoking seriously detracts from their affectiveness.
-Meyekell

undrunken

I found in my town that AA groups vary widely in their makeup and approach. My homegroup is two blocks away. Oldtimers mostly and very "clubby". I have heard it said that newcomers should shut up and listen. There has to be a more welcoming way to get the point across. I am sure that they mean we should ask for guidance and not bore them with our unrefined thoughts on our journey to date.

Anyway, there is another group less than ten miles away that gets an entirely different sort of drunk, at least demographically. Most in that meeting are attending compulsorily. I have found a lot more fellowship and empathy in that group. My solution is to attend both. I'll get the step work done with the oldtimers and get my energy from working with the other group. If this does not go over well, I'll choose one over the other. Just make it work. Good luck.

lulu70

Hello Meyekell--Glad you decided to join us. My name is Laura and I am a recovering alkie/pothead. I read one of your posts on another thread and wanted to comment on what you said about marijuana not being physically addictive. It is simply not true. Marijuana is physically addictive. All the studies which said it wasn't were done decades ago when pot wasn't nearly as potent as it is today. It was physically addictive then, but the amount of THC in the pot was so minimal that the withdrawal symptoms were virtually indetectible. Today's weed is not so easy to give up. I went through insomnia, irritability, restlessness, lack of appetite, headaches, nausea, you name it, when I quit smoking pot. I previously had smoked on a daily basis for over 10 years. Until I tried to quit, I thought it wasn't physically addictive, too, but I found out differently when I went to treatment. Basically, I am telling you all of this so you will give yourself some credit for trying to give it up. It is not an "easy" thing to do. And one of the worst things is that is sticks around in your system for about a month and a half before you are truly off it.

Let me know if you have any questions. I know how hard it can be to quit, but it was definitely worth it! I don't even really miss it now!

Hugs--

nocellphone

So true! I watched someone I love go through the same symptoms while getting clean from "just pot" (I love the minimizing!). She'd been smoking daily for about 30 years, and she tested positive for 6 weeks after quitting!

Also, if it's not addictive, why can't you stop using it?

Midas

Oh NO! Not the 'old hardware' geek squad!! Glad you found us here, Meyekell. I can relate. I'm an Old Hardware Geek myself, so I can understand how you would feel alienated. I think it's one of my addictions. LoL.

Welcome Aboard!

Scared2Bme

Hello Meyekell, I am 24 was a non stop pothead from 13-24, for years I have been battleing the little voice in my head that wanted me to quit the herb, I rationalized with my self, made excuses, tried to justify it, then finally decided now is the time to quit. It was taking a toll on my life and resources, $600 a month is almost a mortgage payment. A stranger I met on another forum worked her magic and stuck to me about quitting, she would'nt give up on me till I quit. Finally I did, its been a month now and everything is going great. The first week is tough but its been a pretty smooth ride ever since, a few bumps in the road but thats to be expected. Please look over my thread "Just quit, Need support" the great folks here have been awesome and I was given the support I need. I will bump up my thread for you, pleas take a look and you will see how much you and I have in common.

I to have had a few to many hallucinagin trips, I lost count, its done a number on my emotions. I told myself the pot kept me stable but I was lying to myself, I have'nt felt more stable then I do now. Aside from the nightmares of my family drama, the side affects of quiting have been very minor.

I too am not big on the alchohol, just a social drinker and that is less then once a month. You remind me of me from what I've read in your post. Sleep is an escape from reality just like the pot and hallucinagins. If your ready you can face your reality and I believe you can do just fine in the real world. We are our own worst enemies, always convincing ourselves that we need these things to cope but we are lying to ourselves. Try a month clean and see if you gain the perspectives I have. Life is much easier then what we have made it out to be. Good luck and feel free to contact me anytime, send a private message or write here, we all need a friend to relate with.

Friend,
Adam

tyler

As pot and drugs seem to be your main issues you might consider trying some NA meetings. I did a search on Na.org and there are at least 32 meetings within 10 miles of the town you listed. It has been my experience that most NA meetings tend to draw a big younger crowd. You mentioned pot having a negative effect on your meds, I agree with that totally. I experienced the same problem when I was on antidepressants and still smoking. It caused serious problems with their effectiveness and I too was hospitalized on more than one occasion. Been clean for about 6 months now, after being a 24/7 smoker for more than 17 years. It can be done. Best of luck to you. Take care.

Meyekell

Thanks for all your posts, my therapist compared addiction to pot to addiction to heroin in an of that it consumes every ounce and thread of your desire and focus to get the next bag or to get high again and its absolutely true. I would have smoked again last night but couldn't find any herb, even though I went to a meeting minutes before. Its very frustrating, I lose all semblence of rational thinking once an opportunity to get high arises.
NA meetings didnt work for me last time I tryed them. Most of them are in the city servicing crack addicts and I found it difficult to relate to that lifestyle, I'm not trying to be high and mighty- just trying to be honest.

Some people have said that maybe i'm just not ready to stop, and this I believe- but since i'm on probation I need to, or go to jail. Deep down I'm not sure what I want anymore, both the solution and the problem seem topical (even though I'm aware of the deep spiritual growth that occurs late in step work), but then again not much seems very important to me anymore anyway.

-Meyekell

angelgirl

Meyekell, hi, good to have you here.. Welcome..
I attempted to go to AA last year, but the AA crowd wasn't impressed with a drug addict speaking at their group. It was also full of old timers. Although I quit in the end, because I wasn't allowed to discuss drugs at the meetings, only alcohol ( to me, a drug is a drug is a drug, and so on) and I just had to hard of a time with that.. I eeded to discuss my drug use, so I stopped going. BUT I still want to say that in the meetings I went to, I loved to hear of the experience the alcoholics had, it taught me alot, and at times was very interesting to listen to, becuase I could relate if in my mind I switched their alcohol for my DOC, but only in my mind, way to hard to speak and not mention my DOC, many similarities, aand a few differences.
Have you tried more NA meetings, differrent ones? They really do seem to vary alot. Not all are full of carck addicts, you just need to search and try different ones, usually this is the case. Maybe find one that have more people in it that relate to your pot use. I bet there probably are some..
Having said that, I stopped attending NA, and I won't get into why,, there were some good meetings.. I found a group called Celebrate Recovery. It's a christian based group, held at a local church, and I felt an immediate "fit".. They suit my needs well..
So the point I am trying to get to is that, it is alot easier to remail in recovery, and clean, if you have a strong, support system, and the groups (no matter which one)
can really give much needed support, which ever you may find suits your needs the most,,
Well, I wish you the best, hope you are doing well..
Love, Becky

shockozulu

Personally, I would consider another rehab outside of StoneHawk. They are anti-NA/AA, S.M.A.R.T., Celebrate Recovery, or any other meeting for that matter.

Has shown to be a dangerous road to take with addicts. Look through enough of these threads, and you will notice that often as soon as someone thinks they have "recovered" they have started using again.

Catherine W.

Hi, Meyekell -

Is there something about the meetings that is overwhelming or discouraging to you somehow? I ask because when I was in my worst addiction yet (bulemia), it somehow made things worse in a way. I was not ready to stop until I was ready to. And deep spiritual growth can occur at the worst of times as well as at the more refined stages of any self-improvement project, I believe.

I am not trying to be disrespectful of AA (been thinking of checking out NA meetings here for support and inspiration myself) but they don't always work for some no matter what is said. Everyone is different and that needs to be respected in order to get people to stay sober and want to get sober in the first place.

In your case, it sounds like you need to stop or you are facing jail time. Is there a part of you that really wants to stop? Is there some way you can talk to your counselor about it all? There might be some county funcing that would allow you to stay in a rehab place without expence to you or your family.

Anyway, for what it is worth, I am on my third day of quitting marijuana. I too have a long-standing habit and believe I have been self-medicating my bipolar illness with it. I have always been afraid of my perceptions of reality. I get really serious and things seem hopeless to me without weed.

Yet, I know things are really going to be hopeless if I persist in that faulty addictive logic of mine. I'm just never going to have the presence of mine to get anything done and I am on medications and it is not fair for me to smoke on top of them and expect them to help me.

Plus, getting high feels good - even if for about less than an hour. A lot of us have spent so much time feeling so bad that we just want to feel good for a bit and we take the easiest way to that feeling.

I beleive for a heavy user, pot is addictive and getting clean is no easy task is what it feels like for me or else I would have done it sooner.

I think rehab might be something to check into. I now see why there are rehab programs for marijuana. It is a very insidious little drug. The urge to smoke again after dealing with the withdrawals after a few days or more can be intense. That is why I had my last slip. I had forgotten about some I had stashed away. I felt so awful from the withdrawal symptoms that I smoked it and felt horrible about it and horrible physicially.

There have been many times I have realized that I can't seem to get in the "right" state of mine on or off pot - so I know I have a better chance of getting well and fixing things if I stay off rather than continue to smoke.

I am lucky though in that I have no friends nearby who smoke pot and put some serious distance between the two I had over a month ago as I knew I wanted to quit this summer. I was never able to quit while still having a boyfriend and roomates who smoked.

So it sounds like you need all the help you can get. If you can get yourself away from other pot smokers, that will help. Maybe an MA meeting (marijuana anonymous) could help. I am thinking of finding one myself for the time being as I know they will understand what I am going through and it will get me around others who have managed to quit, even though I don't intend to be a life-long program person and there are things about it that simply don't wash with me. But even they say, "Take what you need and leave the rest."

Anyway, hope I have not rambled too much.

Marijuana is my toughest addiction yet and the last one to go. But I think if you can get through the withdrawal stage and start feeling the benefits of having a clear head and getting some counseling or help from meetings, then you might find you actually no longer want to go back there.

Talk to your parole officer and your therapist about a rehab situation. There is more funding for those services in my area than I had thought. I am choosing not to go to rehab and do this on my own - because I know it is time. But if I still find I am jonesing and really missing the psychological changes I got from pot, I am going to have to work harder at my recovery and what is under it.

Good luck! I'm with you on all this and understand how you feel.

Catherine

Gr8ful1

Hey Meyekell,
Also a daily pothead for 20 years. I used to like to call it herrrbb. Think that makes it sound sexy, slick and cool. I used every rationalization I could to keep on pumping it into my body. It is my number one drug of choice. Thankfully I've been clean for 9 months

Listen man, from your posts, you described yourself an addict, like me. We can get addicted to dog crap if it made us "feel" better and got us high.

Get to the heart of the matter. Don't cut corners with your therapist. Don't ******** yourself. Get honest. Why do you want to escape & run? Once identified, deal with it and get on with it.

Good job asking for help. That is the first step in recovery, and I mean recovery from this disease - the obsession of the mind. The big book states that WE CAN RECOVER FROM THIS DISEASE.
Read that again: WE CAN RECOVER FROM THIS DISEASE.
That means not suffering from the direct or indirect effects of the disease. But we have to do the work- TRUST GOD, CLEAN HOUSE, HELP OTHERS.
Peace to you on your journey....

kenwatanabe

I have been free from MJ and alcohol for 20 days and would like to know if others have suffered from constant headaches? I smoked for 15 years everyday and this is the first time I have been off for this long of a time.
Other than the headache can I expect other withdrawls and generaly how long will they last...? I am doing this on my own without doc or meds would be great to hear any thoughts.
Thank you,
KW

tyler

Generally most physical withdrawls from pot go away after the first week or so, so it's possible the headaches could be from something else. I smoked heavily for 16 years and didn't really suffer a lot of physical withdrawals when I finally gave it up for good. My biggest problem in the many times I "tried" to quit was getting to that 2-3 week stage, feeling pretty good and thinking that I could probably "handle" smoking a little. It was always off to the races then for me!! The only thing I can think of with the headaches is possible dehydration. Are you drinking plenty of water? If not, you might want to try that. Otherwise, just stick it out and if the headaches continue you might want to see a doctor. Best of luck to you. Take care