Starting today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
Starting today
Hey -
I've been thinking about it for a while now (~ 1 year), but I'm got to stop drinking...I went home sick about 2 weeks ago, but told my wife I had a mild case of the flu. I love to work out, & basically try to do that first thing so I can start drinking ASAP. It's not "working" any more though...
Also, after a long day/night of drinking, I can't eat the next day, & just feel miserable. After drinking most of the day Sunday, I feel awful today, although it's not anything I haven't experienced before.
For a while there I thought I was just "asserting my college days" & trying to be "young"...although I'm only 26, I'm too old for this...I'm ready to have fun w/o drinking all the time (& feeling guilty while drinking b/c I feel like others are judging).
So here goes...it won't be easy I know...
I've been thinking about it for a while now (~ 1 year), but I'm got to stop drinking...I went home sick about 2 weeks ago, but told my wife I had a mild case of the flu. I love to work out, & basically try to do that first thing so I can start drinking ASAP. It's not "working" any more though...
Also, after a long day/night of drinking, I can't eat the next day, & just feel miserable. After drinking most of the day Sunday, I feel awful today, although it's not anything I haven't experienced before.
For a while there I thought I was just "asserting my college days" & trying to be "young"...although I'm only 26, I'm too old for this...I'm ready to have fun w/o drinking all the time (& feeling guilty while drinking b/c I feel like others are judging).
So here goes...it won't be easy I know...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
I think I'm going to try AA...wanted to just say it first, & then I can deal w/telling others in person...haven't told my wife yet, but I know she'll probably be very relieved to hear it...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
Carol -
Thanks for directing me...I guess one of the different things for me is that everyone talks about all this "time" they have...I will drink every night & all day on weekends, but while doing so, I'll mow the lawn, clean up, organize, paint, etc. I'm incredibly productive. However, lately I've been getting too drunk & making mistakes...for instance I scratched up a wall I'd spent a lot of time painting b/c I banged our screens against the wall. I felt so guilty the next day & mad @ myself. That, plus feeling achy & sick all the time are my "bottom"...I don't want to go any lower, b/c I know if I do I'll kill someone else, or myself (I'm a notorious drunk driver who (un)fortunately has never been caught, b/c no one knows 1/2 the time that I'm drunk in the 1st place), I wouldn't be able to take that.
Thanks for directing me...I guess one of the different things for me is that everyone talks about all this "time" they have...I will drink every night & all day on weekends, but while doing so, I'll mow the lawn, clean up, organize, paint, etc. I'm incredibly productive. However, lately I've been getting too drunk & making mistakes...for instance I scratched up a wall I'd spent a lot of time painting b/c I banged our screens against the wall. I felt so guilty the next day & mad @ myself. That, plus feeling achy & sick all the time are my "bottom"...I don't want to go any lower, b/c I know if I do I'll kill someone else, or myself (I'm a notorious drunk driver who (un)fortunately has never been caught, b/c no one knows 1/2 the time that I'm drunk in the 1st place), I wouldn't be able to take that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Lansing, MI
Posts: 23
Too Old,
I used to be productive whin I was younger and not so far into my addiction too. Eventually that fades and one beer was enough to put everything off until I was "ready" By then I was too drunk to try, or just did a half assed job to get it done. Mistakes, you betcha.
If you have'nt read the post, "letter from the devil" do so. It pretty much says it all. That's a good thing about this place, other people put into words what we can't quite get a hold of.
Meetings are good. You're probably here because you are searching for answers. The internet is a good place to hide behind a screen name and get your feelings out. AA meetings are confidential and I have found that what is said and done there, does stay behind when you go home.
Cogratulations on your decision to put it down. You're probably right about your wife being relieved. We think we are fooling those close to us but when we "come out" about our drinking/using problems most are not surprised.
Your taking the first step to recovery, realizing there is a problem and admitting to it.
Best wishes to you, with love and respect to all,
Arn
I used to be productive whin I was younger and not so far into my addiction too. Eventually that fades and one beer was enough to put everything off until I was "ready" By then I was too drunk to try, or just did a half assed job to get it done. Mistakes, you betcha.
If you have'nt read the post, "letter from the devil" do so. It pretty much says it all. That's a good thing about this place, other people put into words what we can't quite get a hold of.
Meetings are good. You're probably here because you are searching for answers. The internet is a good place to hide behind a screen name and get your feelings out. AA meetings are confidential and I have found that what is said and done there, does stay behind when you go home.
Cogratulations on your decision to put it down. You're probably right about your wife being relieved. We think we are fooling those close to us but when we "come out" about our drinking/using problems most are not surprised.
Your taking the first step to recovery, realizing there is a problem and admitting to it.
Best wishes to you, with love and respect to all,
Arn
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
I think meetings will be the next step...I just needed to tell someone today w/o consequences...it's a small victory, but I consider it a victory for sure. I think my plan next will be to "sneak off" to a meeting, see how it is, then talk to my wife about all this. Although I'm not going to drink, I still feel the need to "ease" into the recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Philomath Oregon
Posts: 6
Good luck to you. I had 11 days of sobriety but binged this weekend and feel horrible. The physical part is not what is killing me, it is the emotional part. I can't believe I still listen to that voice that tells me "this time will be different, you can handle it". I have never been a daily drinker, just a weekend binger. IT is still the same disease and takes away our integrity, pride, etc. I am feeling quite hopeless. I need to go to an AA meeting but am afraid to tell my husband this. He does not understand this disease at all. Wishing you all well.
Coming out of my shell
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: State of Denial
Posts: 100
toooldfartguy, 
Congrats on starting! Your doing the right thing and you and your wife will be much happier in the long run. It does suck in the beginning, but don't let that get you too down, we're here for you! Good luck!
Turtle
Congrats on starting! Your doing the right thing and you and your wife will be much happier in the long run. It does suck in the beginning, but don't let that get you too down, we're here for you! Good luck!
Turtle
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Hey, welcome to SR....I know your story.
Take it from a guy who drank every day, while trying to stay in shape. It doesn't work, then when the rest of your life starts falling apart, you REALLY know it doesn't work -- been there.
So, why are you "sneaking" to an AA meeting? Honesty is a big part of recovery. Just curious -- I tried recovery too, and it took me a long time to stay put in AA... Recovery is not something we try, it's something we do.
Here's my suggestion:
1. Go to AA
2. Get a sponsor
3. Get to work.
Most imortantly of all, take EVERYTHING one day at a time!
Ken
Take it from a guy who drank every day, while trying to stay in shape. It doesn't work, then when the rest of your life starts falling apart, you REALLY know it doesn't work -- been there.
So, why are you "sneaking" to an AA meeting? Honesty is a big part of recovery. Just curious -- I tried recovery too, and it took me a long time to stay put in AA... Recovery is not something we try, it's something we do.
Here's my suggestion:
1. Go to AA
2. Get a sponsor
3. Get to work.
Most imortantly of all, take EVERYTHING one day at a time!
Ken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
NoMO - Thanks for the post...I guess it's all so new right now that I have to figure it out...I know it's not an easy thing...it's just nice to get varying perspectives & then be able to make a somewhat educated decision...much better than going blind.
I guess part of it is being afraid that I'll announce this all to my wife, go to a meeting, & then relapse or something, & everything will be worse...it's almost like I want to do it for myself, & then be able to show that I've come to terms & have already started getting help...I guess this requires me to "sleep on it".
I guess part of it is being afraid that I'll announce this all to my wife, go to a meeting, & then relapse or something, & everything will be worse...it's almost like I want to do it for myself, & then be able to show that I've come to terms & have already started getting help...I guess this requires me to "sleep on it".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hi toooldfratguy,
Another welcome here! SR is a pretty great place. So is AA and check out www.smartrecovery.org.
The big secret about "time" (speaking as one who has had lots of it, little bits of it, and some drinking in between) is that the more "time" you get between yourself and the last drink, the more you have headed toward a productive, fulfilling life. Unfortunately, picking up just that one drink starts the obsesseive cycle all over again, no matter how much "time" you have.
Many people stop drinking and have never picked up again-probably won't. Others of us, like myself, have kept believing we could drink "normally" only to end up fighting the battle to quit multiple times.
But the bottom line is, if you are obsessive about alcohol, most likely abstinence is the answer.
Hugs,
Another welcome here! SR is a pretty great place. So is AA and check out www.smartrecovery.org.
The big secret about "time" (speaking as one who has had lots of it, little bits of it, and some drinking in between) is that the more "time" you get between yourself and the last drink, the more you have headed toward a productive, fulfilling life. Unfortunately, picking up just that one drink starts the obsesseive cycle all over again, no matter how much "time" you have.
Many people stop drinking and have never picked up again-probably won't. Others of us, like myself, have kept believing we could drink "normally" only to end up fighting the battle to quit multiple times.
But the bottom line is, if you are obsessive about alcohol, most likely abstinence is the answer.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: minnesota
Posts: 10
Hey there....I am new too. Add me to the "closet" club, my husband has no clue and I don't know how/ if to tell him. I am also not so sure meetings is what I want to do.
I wish you the best of luck! We are starting on the road to recovery together
I wish you the best of luck! We are starting on the road to recovery together
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Philomath Oregon
Posts: 6
Hello everyone. To toooldfratguy: I feel exactly the same way as you do. I am afraid that if I embrace this and "surrender" that when I fail I will feel worse. My husband will be angry if ever I relapse because shouldn't it just be easy? Hah! So, that is my hesitancy. But, I guess things are not working as they are now and something has to change, right? I think it would be a good idea for our spouses to read a book on alcoholism so that maybe they can understand partially what we feel. It might help? Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 61
So I went out to eat last night & stuck w/water, even though we were seated in the "bar" area. It was a good feeling, esp. when my wife about fell out of her chair when I didn't order a beer. She had this huge grin on her face. Didn't get too much sleep last night (didn't realize the alcohol had affected me that much!), but at least I'm not the least bit hungover today...am very hungry though...I guess I'm missing all that calorie intake!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi ...What a grand day to be sober!
To explain alcoholism....I strongly recommened
"Under The Influence and "Byond The Influence"
You can order them from Amazon for less than $20.
I was going to AA and not staying sober until I read UTI.
Have not had a drink since as I understood the info there.
Blessings...
To explain alcoholism....I strongly recommened
"Under The Influence and "Byond The Influence"
You can order them from Amazon for less than $20.
I was going to AA and not staying sober until I read UTI.
Have not had a drink since as I understood the info there.
Blessings...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
WATER!!! My favorite drink! You'll notice you don't stumble into quite as many walls drinking it...
Just wanted to share a bit of my experience with you. I haven't had much of any support from my wife since day 1 of AA. It took my nearly 3 years to get a full year of continuous sobriety in the program. I would use her non-support as an excuse to just go back out and drink. Then one day, I finally realized that yes, my drinking hurts her, my family, my life -- it hurts them, but it's KILLING me! I went to AA for me, and that's when I could stay sober.
I went through the "maybe I don't need AA" phase, maybe I can diet phase, maybe I can control it phase. Bottom line was that I was still drinking and still a drunk.
"They idea that we were like other people, or presently may be -- must be smashed." I am not like others -- I cannot drink alcohol safely. But now I don't have a drinking problem -- I don't drink -- but I still have a problem with my living and thinking. That's where the real disease lies.... AA helps me to live and think in a way that keeps me sober.
Please feel free to PM me if you ever have any questions....
Ken
Just wanted to share a bit of my experience with you. I haven't had much of any support from my wife since day 1 of AA. It took my nearly 3 years to get a full year of continuous sobriety in the program. I would use her non-support as an excuse to just go back out and drink. Then one day, I finally realized that yes, my drinking hurts her, my family, my life -- it hurts them, but it's KILLING me! I went to AA for me, and that's when I could stay sober.
I went through the "maybe I don't need AA" phase, maybe I can diet phase, maybe I can control it phase. Bottom line was that I was still drinking and still a drunk.
"They idea that we were like other people, or presently may be -- must be smashed." I am not like others -- I cannot drink alcohol safely. But now I don't have a drinking problem -- I don't drink -- but I still have a problem with my living and thinking. That's where the real disease lies.... AA helps me to live and think in a way that keeps me sober.
Please feel free to PM me if you ever have any questions....
Ken
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