am i alone?
megan,
how do i now say good-bye... i miss you already. i'm sorry i didn't make it in time. why did you ask for me before you died? it makes it hurt so much more knowing you needed me and i didn't make it. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i should have never moved... maybe it wouldn't have happened. me not believing in god makes this difficult... where are you now?... you were a strong believer so i guess if there is a such place as heaven you're there. i hope so... maybe your life is better somehow. i love you sooooo much.
i went to your funeral today. i didn't even get to see you. "closed casket" i wanted to say good-bye. but most of all i'm selfish for wanting you here. i can't be strong without you. you were the crutch for my sadness... you kept me from cutting. i cant do this without you. i miss you. why can't you just come back?!?!?!
I know you can't... and i'm sorry even more that you can't.
i love you so much... and please if it's possible... well send me a sign letting me know you're ok...
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin
how do i now say good-bye... i miss you already. i'm sorry i didn't make it in time. why did you ask for me before you died? it makes it hurt so much more knowing you needed me and i didn't make it. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i should have never moved... maybe it wouldn't have happened. me not believing in god makes this difficult... where are you now?... you were a strong believer so i guess if there is a such place as heaven you're there. i hope so... maybe your life is better somehow. i love you sooooo much.
i went to your funeral today. i didn't even get to see you. "closed casket" i wanted to say good-bye. but most of all i'm selfish for wanting you here. i can't be strong without you. you were the crutch for my sadness... you kept me from cutting. i cant do this without you. i miss you. why can't you just come back?!?!?!
I know you can't... and i'm sorry even more that you can't.
i love you so much... and please if it's possible... well send me a sign letting me know you're ok...
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin
Originally Posted by sad_lonely_tear
i love you so much... and please if it's possible... well send me a sign letting me know you're ok...
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin
Love Vic
vic....... i'm crying now.... this morning before the sun came up... well it was cloudy and drizzeling... i was sitting outside on the frount porch getting some air... well the craziest thing happened i saw like 3 shooting stars... right in frount of the clouds and lightning... i think that was my sign...
Just want you to know my friend that I believe that there is some sort of mistical power out there and he is talking to both of us right now. CAN YOU FEEL IT (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
Love Vic
Love Vic
I don't really believe in the whole "mystical power" thing but i do believe that there was a sign... i took a nap today and had a dream about my friend megan. she told me to stay strong and that everything would be ok. so today i went through a bunch of stuff that i still haven't unpacked and found lotz of things of our past together... it brought back so many memories that i had forgotten... i talked to her mom earlier too. she found letters and notes from when me and megan were in high school that she had kept... she's sending them too me. i think re-reading them will help.
god i miss her so much. and i really wish she was here...
i hope time will heal my pain.
god i miss her so much. and i really wish she was here...
i hope time will heal my pain.
i've gone so long w/out self-injury. last night i broke down... 35 cuts.... i think one might of needed stiches but hell what do i know i'm not a doctor... i just want to be left alone... my family doesn't understand that. i'm going insaine....
Originally Posted by sad_lonely_tear
i just want to be left alone... my family doesn't understand that. i'm going insaine....
Love Vic
DREAMER OF HELL
A dreamer of hell
The cast of spells
Falling in shadows deep
DArkening thoughts come to creep
Bloodshot eyes
Only to dispise
A heart of loneliness
A soul of emptiness
The voice of the calling
The tears are falling
From the dreamer of hell
That slowly fell
Into the dark
Of a lonely heart
Fell too deep
Will no longer sleep
A soul that yearns
Will forever burn
The only cost
A life forever lost
-------Cristin
A dreamer of hell
The cast of spells
Falling in shadows deep
DArkening thoughts come to creep
Bloodshot eyes
Only to dispise
A heart of loneliness
A soul of emptiness
The voice of the calling
The tears are falling
From the dreamer of hell
That slowly fell
Into the dark
Of a lonely heart
Fell too deep
Will no longer sleep
A soul that yearns
Will forever burn
The only cost
A life forever lost
-------Cristin
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Cristin, I can still see the light of falling stars Megan sent you in my minds eye. Get a hold of a glimmer of that star light and hold on tight and believe. Cristin please keep those cuts clean and covered. If you think you have cut a deep enough wound that need stitches please see a medical specalist. "Stay strong everything will be alright."
The calling of A searching Heart
Lonely tears fall
Nights break us all
Down deep inside
The soul threatens to cry
Forever Falling
A heart that's calling
Searching for what's not there
Always left in dispair
The darkness fill
The heart it kills
A bottomless pit
With pieces that don't fit
A river of tears
A valley of fears
With no one there
To show they care
A doy filled with fright
Of the forever falling night
Slipping, falling
Searching, calling
A heart that will never sleep
And will forever silently weep
------------Cristin
Lonely tears fall
Nights break us all
Down deep inside
The soul threatens to cry
Forever Falling
A heart that's calling
Searching for what's not there
Always left in dispair
The darkness fill
The heart it kills
A bottomless pit
With pieces that don't fit
A river of tears
A valley of fears
With no one there
To show they care
A doy filled with fright
Of the forever falling night
Slipping, falling
Searching, calling
A heart that will never sleep
And will forever silently weep
------------Cristin
gawd my nights are restless... i can't sleep. i have so much on my mind that wont escape. i'm so tired of being tired. heh go figure. i miss megan soo much. but hell my house is soooooo clean now. gives me something to do. i just keep telling myself to stay busy and you wont hurt. heh. doesn't work. gawd i want to cry. i wish i could.
something i found that might help
i fill out these questions everytime i feel the need to cut. i have been doing it for a little while now and the more i fill them out the more in depth i get. i am progressing to know why i do it and how to stop.
1.Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
What has brought me to this point?
2.Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it?
How did I feel then?
3.What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
What else can I do that won't hurt me?
4.How do I feel right now?
5.How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
6.How will I feel after hurting myself?
How will I feel tomorrow morning?
7.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
8.Do I need to hurt myself?
1.Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
What has brought me to this point?
2.Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it?
How did I feel then?
3.What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
What else can I do that won't hurt me?
4.How do I feel right now?
5.How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
6.How will I feel after hurting myself?
How will I feel tomorrow morning?
7.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
8.Do I need to hurt myself?
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