Finally woke up and smelled the coffee
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
Finally woke up and smelled the coffee
I'm brand spankin new to all of this so forgive me if I don't know quite how to proceed. In a nutshell.......I grew up with an alcoholic father. I am recently divorced from a very verbally (and somewhat physically) abusive man who is worse to me NOW than when we were married. I am now in a new relationship and he is kind, calm, he listens to me and actually talks rather than yells..........I'm not quite sure how to handle this..........is this normal?
Well, the "woke up and smelled the coffee" comes in to play because about 2 weeks ago he and I had an argument and I quickly fell into the role I always have........and I fought in a not so nice way.........and he said in all his 39 years of life he had never been in a relationship where someone could behave the way I had. The odd thing is I don't know how else to behave. I DO know that I hurt him very deeply and I NEVER EVER want to do that.........EVER. That little episode completely FREAKED ME OUT!!! The very next day I got on the phone and made an appointment with a counselor. Then, I started to think about things and it was a huge "a ha!!!" moment...........could my behavior (and the pattern I seem to be in) be a result of growing up with an alcoholic father? Well, anyway, I'm just now, at the age of 34 thinking yeah, maybe that has a little to do with it.
So, I guess I have NO idea what to expect, and just from a few posts I've read thus far (I've already shed a few tears) I'm guessing this isn't gonna be so easy after all.
Well, the "woke up and smelled the coffee" comes in to play because about 2 weeks ago he and I had an argument and I quickly fell into the role I always have........and I fought in a not so nice way.........and he said in all his 39 years of life he had never been in a relationship where someone could behave the way I had. The odd thing is I don't know how else to behave. I DO know that I hurt him very deeply and I NEVER EVER want to do that.........EVER. That little episode completely FREAKED ME OUT!!! The very next day I got on the phone and made an appointment with a counselor. Then, I started to think about things and it was a huge "a ha!!!" moment...........could my behavior (and the pattern I seem to be in) be a result of growing up with an alcoholic father? Well, anyway, I'm just now, at the age of 34 thinking yeah, maybe that has a little to do with it.
So, I guess I have NO idea what to expect, and just from a few posts I've read thus far (I've already shed a few tears) I'm guessing this isn't gonna be so easy after all.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((Skinner)))
Welcome to SR!
You've come to a great place for support.
I do think that your family of origen has something to do with your *programmed* responses. You might want to check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum.
Please do read the stickys on the top of the forums you go to. They are filled with much helpful information.
I'm glad you've made it here. The path may be winding, but, you'll get loads of direction from the good people of SR!
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!
Welcome to SR!
You've come to a great place for support.
I do think that your family of origen has something to do with your *programmed* responses. You might want to check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum.
Please do read the stickys on the top of the forums you go to. They are filled with much helpful information.
I'm glad you've made it here. The path may be winding, but, you'll get loads of direction from the good people of SR!
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!
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