suze37

Hi Its taken me along time to work this out but after been hooked for hours reading I must say I feel liberated and enlightened.However I am also very confused afraid and if I dare to admit it alone.
I married 14 months ago and love my husband dearly. I now realise I thought I could cope with his drinking but since we married its complelty taken over everything. I have two children who are caught up in the rollercoaster of relaspe recovery that has been part of our lifes for many months. I suppose I should be grateful that hubby attempts to stop drinking but its always short lived and I suspect for the wrong reasons. He leaves reguarly goes on a bender for up to 2 weeks then comes back sober and it starts all over again. I have felt very sad reading all the posts and also a bit relieved because it all sounds so famialr. I would welcome some advice, where do I go next any help gratefuly recieved many thanks suze

Dawn10

Suze,
Welcome to SR.
You are not alone. I would find an ALANON close to where you are. That is the 12 step support for family and friends of alcholics. There you will find others who are in the same boat that you are and everyone can be of support to each other.
You need to decide what is best for your family. Since there are children involved, it is more important than ever to get help.
Unfortunately, the pattern of the alcoholic is to stop and be abstinent for a time, then something sets them off and they return to the same old pattern of behvior and drinking. Until they want help and are serious about true recovery, they are still a danger to themselves and potentially others.
Keep reading and posting.
Dawn

CarolD

Sue...

Please checkk out our Friends and Family Forum here.

Glad to see a new member...

Pick-a-name

Welcome...sounds like maybe he could be a binge drinker?

Hope you will join us on the Family/Friends Forum....lots of wonderful, helpful people there.....I "look" for you!

suze37

Thanks for all the replys it really has helped make me feel that I am not on my own. Binge drinking does describe partners pattern he used to drink every day like couple of pints at lunch then a few more after work then four cans of lager at home. This changed when his behaviour got out of control and we found him passed out in the front street and also drink driving issues.However it was even worse when he didnt drink it lasted for 6 weeks first time and that has been the pattern for the last year or so. The binges are teerible and he turns into a control freak. Worst is though he blames everything on my daughter who is 12 and says he has now control in the house and I love her more than him.
He,s left again - but even though he says its to get sober - which I thought was a good idea he comes round nearly everyday smelling of alcohol and in the end admitts he is not sure if he needs to stop drinking and just wants to be normal.
I dont know what to do anymore I dont even recognise myself anymore its trying to work out whats the best for everyone. Thanks for all your support please keep the replies coming it really helps
Best wishes to you all Suze.

Dawn10

Suze,
My concern is your daughter/children. Please be sure they are safe, both physically and emotionally. The addict can be so destructive to children. Hell, they can be destructive to adults.

suze37

Thanks I know this my 12 year old cried on sunday and said that she was very dissapointed because she saw him with a can of lager. I am already beginning to see things without the rose tinted glassess still a long way to go but am determined to get there many big thanks

splendra

((((suze)))

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

I agree with what Dawn said about making sure your children are safe. I do not like the way he sounds jealous of your 12 year old he sounds very immature. Your daughter is at a very delicate age and she does not need a jealous step-dad coloring her her self esteem while she goes thru puberty. She needs to know that you will not put his disease ahead of her.

As a person who grew up in this disease and spent many years in therapy I can really relate to what your daughter is going thru. Please help her.

suze37

Hi and thanks for your wise words. I have just rang alnon but to my dismay the help line is bust and I need to call back I will because there is no turning back for me now.
I have needed someone to put things into prospective because my own thoughts have become clouded and to be honest I dont if I am coming or going anymore. H is very nice when he is sober and good to kids etc but when drunk the focus is always on how badly treated he is and that we dont show him any respect. I think he has tried to adjust to family life but finds it hard he has no kids of his own and was always one of the lads. I have reajusted my life and I try really hard to keep things going but now we are in terrible debt because money goes on benders then we play ctach up etc. I am lucky to have 2 lovely daughters who desreve more dont they? Thanks so much I feel better already .

Dawn10

Suze,
I am glad that your eyes are opening. And..YES you are correct when you say that your girls deserve much better than what he is giving them. Keep trying the ALANON number. Someone will answer. Prayers coming your way from the USA!

suze37

Thanks Dawn what you said earlier really did it for me and the trend continued with further posts. I have been following the boards all day and I will try the number agian tomorrow and I am going to attend a meeting soon as poss.

I have acted differently today and I fel braver and more optimistic. My daughter siad tonight that if H comes back and that he is still drinking she is going to leave. Very distressing from a 12 year old. I listening and reassured her that she will come first and that I love her and her sister very much.
Thankyou thankyou I look forward to finding out more about others here,best wishes Suze.

Jessie

Hiya Suze!

Thought I'd add my ten pence worth... for what it's worth. I'm sorry to hear it's all going a bit pear shaped for you. I was with an alcoholic partner for 2 years... my son was 9 when I first got involved with him. As an alcoholic/addict myself it wasn't one of my better decisions.

But if your partner is willing to accept he has a problem and seek help then there is every possibility you can get through it. I hear of people succeeding all the time. And I'm sure you will want to try that route first... women can be so lovely they just want everyone to be happy.

But, don't forget, you and your girls come first and there is always a way out. I have to say, I consider myself the biggest scardy cat on the planet (unless wounded and trapped... then I turn into a bit of a mother tiger), but I found a way out when my son began to suffer. We laugh about it now...

Take it easy Suze and stay safe. You're doing the best you can with what you have and that is always good enough. You're girls love you unconditionally and always will.

Big hug

Jess

indigo

Welcome Suze you came to the right place SR is supportive, non-judgmental and always here.

INDIGO

CAPTAINZING2000

It's tough to read my story when someone posts it. Sounds so much like me when, i was younger. I was more afraid, I'd miss something at the bar.

I'd tell you to go to Al-Anon you can't make him quit or go to AA. He has to open his eyes to what he's doing to himself

Welcome to the site. There are plenty of women on here that have gone thru what you are right now

Wish you the best of luck
Chris

suze37

hi everyone
Just to say a massive thankyou to you all for your kind words and very good advice.
I have started a thread in family and freinds area so I am going to follow that I got a bit confused whn I first started a few days ago - but I suppose my chopping and changing summs me up 'all over the place at the moment'.
Anyway I have found out about a meeting tonight and if you read the other thread i,m abit worried but I will go thanks to you all !!

Nyte Byrd

Excellent choice to take 'action' on what was suggested. I found out a long tyme ago, saying "I know" and not doing anything about it, didn't change anything much. I wish you well. And don't worry about being 'nervous' about it.
That's just God shakin' the fear out of ya!