I screwed up
 

My a/s moved out 10 days ago. I caved and called him today. Left a message and he called me back. Says he still wants to attend the community college begining 9/1. He is coming over tomorrow am so he and I can attend the freshment and parent orientation session that we were scheduled for and he can get his ID card (he needs the paid tuition receipt). I know I shouldn't have reached out for him but I couldn't help myself.

My hubby says we are back to square one. I don't want to go back on my word about paying for the school fall semester. I did tell him that if he isn't there at 9:30 I would be leaving and withdrawing him from the school and getting a refund.

I am so mad at myself. It is not easy being a mom and having to be tough all the time.

Thanks.
Lynn

Hi Lynn...don't be mad at yourself. Being a Mom is a 'learn as you go' thing. It sounds to me like you're doing the best you can and you're not screwing up. There are so many influences on kids that a parent is only a part of how they turn out by the time they start to get mature. You don't have to be tough all the time. That tough love stuff is bulls**t. Love, not tough love is what any kid needs. You're not going to change an 18 or 19 yr. old with being tough. Hang in there and let him make the mistakes he'll make. We all had to do it and we all NEEDED a soft place to land when we messed up. Tough love might be good at 8 or 9 but by 18 or 19 it's resented and
turns your child away from you.
God bless

((( Lynn )))
I don't think there are too many things harder then detaching from your kid. You didn't "screw up", I think its more like "lesson learned". Be good to yourself.
Bless, Trish

Thank you. I do hope he shows up tomorrow morning. If not, that was his choice and I will be ok either way.
Thanks.
Lynn

Will he keep his grades up?

i wouldn't help pay for his way to party thru school

He was a no show at 9:30 am but came by later. We had a nice talk. I told him if he wants to come back NO DRUGS. I will not be running after him anymore. Since he wasn't here at 9:30 I filled out the drop forms and got a refund for the tuition. Maybe he will get his act together for Janaury. Time will tell.

Lynn, You did not screw up, don't be mad at yourself. I agree with jbm125 you should show some support, just make sure you make boundaries and stick to them. Tough love might be the answer for some, but not all. extreme tough love is resented and could push your son further away. You know I am on your side no matter how you decide to handle things.

Love,
Beth