Don't want to do it.
 

But I went by a bar on my way back from a meeting. Saw people dancing having a good time. I so wanted to go there and have a drink. My program sucks now. No Sponsor. I need to remember those terrible mornings after a drunk. I have too much sober time to throw this all away. I just don't know what has came over me.

Hey Marty !
 

Sometimes we get "off the beam", it happens. The point is you didnt do it and are posting about it. I hope you are also talking to a sponser or friend. Marty your program doesnt suck! You didnt drink! You must be doing something right. I have that "insane" thinking from time to time myself :wink3: . Bless! Trish

wow marty remember play that whole tape on what happend and what brought you here and what your life in like in recovery. picking up that drink will only make it worse for you. get a sponsor man!!! hit some meetings!!! make that soberity the most important thing in your life!!!!

I know what you mean, Marty. However, I also know that if I was in there among those people, drinking away, I might have a good time for a little while, but it would eventually suck, big time. One drink turns in to many, and if it doesn't, I want it too. My fun is a little more understated now. It's hanging out with some friends after a meeting, taking my 9-year-old daughter to a movie, relaxing with a good book, or having dinner with my Dad. I like my life now and I don't want to go back.

As Trish said, we all have down times in our programs. Actually, we all have down times in life! You will get through this. And if you can make it through without drinking, you will be stronger for it. Not so easy to see when you're in the middle of it, but keep the faith!!!!

Hugs--

Thanks so much, all of you. If it was not for me only only having 3 dollars in my pocket at the time, I would have prabably went in. I actually even went to an ATM. Thankfully God gave me a little sanity back, and I forced myself home. I am afraid I have let up on the program of action. I have been going to meetings and just existing. Saying what others want to hear. I feel so much of my old defects coming back. I have been isolating again too. All bad dangerous things. I just needed to get this all out someware. Thanks for listening.

Hi Marty,
I don't usually post, but your own post brought me out, so here I am.
I can too readily relate to what you've said. All of it. I'm so pleased, grateful, amazed... that you didn't follow through. YES...all of those. :)
You are truly an amazing human being to have gone through that moment in time. Kudos to you! The new life we choose to live is filled with moments like these, (well, perhaps NOT filled,but maybe perhaps at the beginning?) I know. We-and I emphasize WE-need to share these moments, like you did and get through them, AGAIN like you did. It makes my own 'drive-by' seem so much easier. Thank you!
this lifeseeker thanks you from the bottom of my heart :)
CHEERS!

I like that story marty......and i have yet to show self control as i am new here and not on any program. I still binged at the bars with all those so called freinds and ladys and good times. After loosing my licence 3 months ago i would role up on my mountain bike after work and lock it up and hope its still there in the morning. That was tuesday and i want to make it the last time. My job is in danger and my life is situation critical. So i took the rest of the month off to find help and lock my self up for a while and i hope you all can point me in the right direction to freedom.

Thanks so much for that lifeseeker! Glad you posted. I will try and share more of this stuff and not try and hide it, like its all under control or somthing. Because its often not. On of my triggers are establishments with windows where you can easily see in from the street. The insanity of this disease is despite all the crap drinking has caused me. I still look at those places and would like to try it again.
Stayinalive, I can relate to your situation, as I also lost my license, and depend on my bike to get to around also. I hope you can achieve sobriety. Have you gave AA a try? That has worked for me, but only when I do my part.

Marty,
It seems like you are playing a little roulette with your alcoholism. If we fully concede to our innermost selves that we are indeed alcoholic and that to drink is to die, we get into ACTION. Get a sponsor...even if it is only a temporary sponsor.


"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
Big Book

found some aa meatings in my area Marti.....goin to give it a try