Does anyone have TOXIC friends?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: matawan nj
Posts: 86
Does anyone have TOXIC friends?
Since I've been clean, and even a bit before I was sober, I was noticing changes in my attiitude with the kinds of people I hung out with. A lot of them I've noticed are so self absorbed I feel like they are using me....but, the worse part is, the part that I feel guilty about and don't know what to do is......I've been friends with them now for a while the 3-4 years my life was very bad, and this is where my addiction started and got worse. It's not even like they use, they just complain, talk aboiut how miserable they are etc. etc. kind of like misery loves company, but actually theyre lives aren't bad at ALL when i really stop and look at it, and they suck out the life in me and my beliefs in God. Now if I stop talking to them they will go crazy mad because we have been GOOD friends for a long time, I even tried talking to one and he said he knows hes like this he's gotta try to change like all yeah im with you on this and the next day he called me almost too eager to talk and it felt so fake and bogus. I know i dont need these kind of people in my life, and if i have to bne alone for a littlew while before i find new ones, i have some good ones too, it will be ok. Bu ti feel sooo bad, i want to do it without hurting their feelings. What do I do?
Where can I get a cup of tea?
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Somewhere in space...
Posts: 55
Poet, they are called 'energy thieves', ie., emotional vampires. They get their energy from you (and others) by making you feel like they're down, when in fact it brings you down. You feel worse, they feel better. Simple transfer of personal energy.
What you do about it is up to you, but usually such people have to be dumped, as they're addicted to stealing energy from people rather than making or connecting with uplifting energies themselves. Sadly, much of the world operates in this way.
What you do about it is up to you, but usually such people have to be dumped, as they're addicted to stealing energy from people rather than making or connecting with uplifting energies themselves. Sadly, much of the world operates in this way.
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey Poet--Don't worry. Others will be along soon. Most of the North American folks on this site are sleeping at the time you were posting! As far as the friends go, it is important for us to take care of ourselves. I had one friend who was just like you describe. She was always angry about something or believing the world was out to get her. Even before I stopped using she would drive me crazy. Our friendship has now just faded away. In some ways I am sad, but it was truly exhausting trying to help her look for the positive in her life. I called her last year for her birthday, and I have never heard back from her. And as far as you worrying about what they will do if you aren't in their lives, remember--they are not your responsibility. You can't make their lives any better, no matter what you do, unless they want them to be better. You can try to be a positive influence in their lives, but you can only do so much.
As I said, others will be along soon. Perhaps they will have better advice than I do. Hang in there!
Hugs--
As I said, others will be along soon. Perhaps they will have better advice than I do. Hang in there!
Hugs--
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I think your good positive attitude can be infectious. Refuse to let another persons attitude bring you down. Your own attitude could quickly lead you to more positive situations so check your attitude and your expectations first cause that is what is leading and attracting in anyones life not just yours...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Hi: I have noticed as my A/H's using "flares-up" he usually begins spending less time with family and old friends and picks up with a group that are flashy, talkers...very much as you described..aka whiners and complainers. Nothing is good enough or as good as them; and they are glad to fill you in on that "fact" if you don't happen to know it!
I don't know which came first; but they usually go together. Good thinking on your part; JMHO; to limit your time with these sort of folks...very good at taking; not so good at giving...just my experience. Seems the advantage to being withthem during using is, they will tell you what you want to hear...doesn't matter if it is the truth or not. That is not a friend, in my book.
I don't know which came first; but they usually go together. Good thinking on your part; JMHO; to limit your time with these sort of folks...very good at taking; not so good at giving...just my experience. Seems the advantage to being withthem during using is, they will tell you what you want to hear...doesn't matter if it is the truth or not. That is not a friend, in my book.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Let me
make it simple....or so it has been for me. 
When I was a drunk I hung out with bar buddies.
Now that I am sober I hang out with sober friends.
Positive friends are necessary for me.
Your toxic buddies will drop away as you continue to recover.
When I was a drunk I hung out with bar buddies.
Now that I am sober I hang out with sober friends.
Positive friends are necessary for me.
Your toxic buddies will drop away as you continue to recover.
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