Digger

16th day sober,1st rough day, stupid me because i am feeling quite pleased with myself, this is the longest ive gone in years, I thought my wife would be pleased too!! no, not the case, she does not believe me when i say that this time i do feel so positive and more determined to stay sober than ever before.
She has told me that she cant cope with me around the house and insists that I go away to re-hab to recover. I feel that i can only continue with the support of my family, i have two sons both living at home. My wife is saying that they have run out of support,this is my 4th slip in a year. I dont know what to do,she will not go to AN Anon, she will not look at this web site. My friend next door gave me a book called 'living with an Alcoholic parent' she has hidden it away and will not read any of it herself or let the boys look at it.
I am struggling big time tonight going to beb early, its 9pm here inLondon. need some advise and some big cuddles please.

Anna

Hi Digger,

I'm sorry you feel discouraged at the moment. My husband and kids had lost patience with me too by the time I decided to get and stay sober. I couldn't blame them though. I wanted them to believe in me, but it wasn't going to work that way. I had to struggle along and stay patient. Time was essential and eventually they began to relax and believe. So, just hang in there and do what you need to do. It will pay off.

Love, Anna

stone

Thats pretty rough mate, hardto give advice so just giving a hug

shockozulu

Since I'm not married I don't feel like I can give any advice but I'm impressed you would consider going to sleep early over getting a drink.

Sometimes it is the small things that show our recovery.

nogard

((((Digger)))) Hang in there.

nogard

ArthurDent

Yep, going to bed early is impressive with that stuff happening. I'd say you're doing well Digger.

Your wife probably won't believe you, but I doubt she'll respond to pressure to believe you either. Why not catch her by stealth?! Just don't take the first drink, each and every day, and let it sink in that you're leaving it alone. Stick around here for support, and wait for her to say, "So, how come you haven't had a drink in ages?" That's when you get to shug and say, "Told you - I don't want to carry on with that junk"... Well, life's not always so simple, but you know what I mean. You'll only get unconditional and non-judgemental support from those who really understand what it's like - us!

Big hug, in a *cough* very backslapping manly way. (Remember Plains Trains & Automobiles..?)

2dayzmuse

Wishing you strength to hold on. I walked on both sides of the street. Being an alcoholic and having been married to one for 13 years, I've heard the empty promises as well as spoken them myself. Lead by example. The further along you make it in sobriety, the more apt she is to see you mean business this time around. Actions speak louder than words. Keep fighting. Whether she comes around or not, you'll be better off as a result of your efforts. The bonus being, your sons will benefit as well.

2tough2die

"Those ..... aren't ..... PILLOWS!!!!!"

Digger, sounds like if this is your fourth slip in a year, she's already invested hope in some other failed attempts, so she might be protecting herself a little from getting burned again.

Only advice is to just keep at it. You'll probably have to string together some good time before she's really onboard and if you understand her perspective, you prolly can't be all that upset about it. When you're on your feet for you and things start changing, she'll come around. But right now, the responsibilty of your sobriety is your's, not her's. Lean on us for a while, give her a little break so she can recharge her support systems.

Congrats on the 16 days, btw! How long were you out there before the other slips? She may want to see you shatter those records, and we're all pulling for you to do just that

Cathy31

Hi Digger
Please try and hold on...do you have meetings/support structure outside of home. Sometimes our significant others can be SO UNSUPPORTIVE!!! I guess, when we are ready to give up, or try, we expect them to be lined up and delighted. However, sometimes they are so pissed off with us by that stage, and are probably afraid of being let down AGAIN. So try and empathise with your wife - the best person to relate to an alcoholic is another alcoholic, so stick with us and your AA meetings, if you choose to go to them.
About rehab...is it a possibility?? If it is, I wonder if it's not wroth considering, give your wife space, and you back some confidence?
In my experience as well, because we've been so destructive to loved ones, they often find it hard to accept the 'new' less ashamed person one becomes...they probably see it as unfair that we are learning to love ourselves and respect uorselves, when they might be hurting still. It would be great if she could go to Al-Anon, but you must look after yourself and allow her to be.
Good luck - don't give up, we're here for you...and it sounds like against the odds, you are really doing great! Keep it up!
Love
Cathy31
x

In memory of miracle

Hey Digger!
Congradulations on your 16 days! If your wife will not attend Al-anon perhaps she will attend an AA meeting with you? Might be an ice breaker. Hang in there! Bless.
Trish

Laci

Big cuddles to you Digger! Congratulations on Day 16. That is absolutely fantastic and you should be so very proud of yourself.

My husband (unfortunately) does not give me any flak either way whether I'm sober or drunk. I say unfortunately because I wish he would give me hell when I drink.

Maybe your wife needs to sit in at an AA Meeting or attend Al-non or perhaps talk to a counselor of her choice.

Either way, you keep on doing the good thing and that is staying sober one day (in my case minute) at a time. All we have is this moment. Let's make it a good and sober one!

Love
Laci

ArthurDent

Good insight Cathy, as always.

Hope today's better Digger. Stay clear, and things'll start to clear up.