wildcatgirl

Hello to all of you. I am new in this place. I was doing some research online about cocaine. My boyfriend is addicted to cocaine and for me this is a new situation. I don't know where to start or where to ask for help. He said he is just doing it for fun and he is not an addicted but the way he acts tells me a lot.
We have lots of plans together but to tell you the truth I am scared as hell thinking how my life will be to marry a person who loves cocaine. How this affect my baby if one day I decided to have one with him. I want to help him but he seems ok and pretty cool saying to me that he is ok and that he has been using this drug since he was 19 now he is 30. He said he is trying to quit. Last time he didn't use it for a full week.

I don't know. Should I end this relationship? He means the world to me. I am devastated and I dont know what to do.

wantneeda

Welcome Wildcatgirl,
good for you for concerning yourself with yourself first, thats what it's all about.
tons of good people to support you.
Sounds to me like your boyfriend may be in denial about being an addict. Using for fun yet trying to quit. I know, i've been there.
read around the boards here and make yourself at home.
check out nar-anon and friends and family boards, you'll find lots of people going through the same things.
again WELCOME
hugs, Wendy

bikewench

You are right to be concerned...

I suggest you avail yourself of the information and help on this forum... a warm welcome by the way.. ;o)

Even if you choose to stay with him and explore a life with him.... at least your eyes will be open about what to expect...

wildcatgirl

Thanks so much for reading my concerns and giving me a little push to continue. This is the first time in my life that I am in love and very confident about my feelings for this guy. He means the world to me and of course he doesn't know that I am doing researches and joining this website.
We don't live together so I think it's less harder to deal with this situation. It's hard for me to talk to him about this but on the other hand I want to express my feelings and frustrations too.
We talked once about living together and having children. Actually we talk about that all the time, but only once I had the guts to tell him that I won't be having babies if he continues using cocaine. He said he needs time. He is trying hard. His dad is an alcoholic that might be a big factor I guess....It seems that he hates everybody and he just loves me and cocaine ....I guess.
We were friends for a year an half before we decided to start a relationship. I never noticed his addiction. We used to talk about drugs and I used to tell him that I never in my life try one. I asked him if he uses drugs he said NO of course!!!. After we decided to be together in a relationship on the second month he told me all about his addiction. I felt devastated. I never tried drugs for me it's hard to understand a person with a big addiction. He said that now his life is more complicated because now I am part of his life and lots of things will be complicated. That he loves me with all his heart and is the first time he wants to marry someone have children and get old with someone. But for me this is a big matter. No one in my family is aware about this. No one of my friends either I feel so bad talking about this. Just having a picture in my head of how he inhale cocaine makes me sick. I tried to avoid thinking about that. But I can't avoid this all the time and time is getting closer for me to face this reality with him.
I dont really know what to do. Thanks again for reading and helping. Means lots to me.

bikewench

[/QUOTE]I dont really know what to do.[QUOTE]

Yeah.. I know...

But.. your actually doing the only thing that can help you..... and maybe him... God willing...

Your speaking out about it... and looking into why....

The speaking out part is important... because it's our secrets that make us sick...

and the looking into why...
Well... because the answers are out there.... and here....

I know that nothing about it makes sense at the moment... but... it will if you persist in seeking...

Yoguina

Hi Wildcatgirl, the fact that your boyfriend uses cocaine is enough to want you to look somewhere else, especially if you have never tried drugs and won't! good for you, you need to look deep into yourself and ask whether or not he means that much to you that you can actually HANDLE this relationship. He is probably not going to stop, it is very hard to do so, I know, I have members in my family who are cocaine addicts and they have been doing coke for most of their adult life..so now that you know this part of me, let me tell you that it's not easy at all....people who do drugs, cheat, lie, steal, and manipulate you to no end...they are always the victims, you acuse them of stuff they don't do, etc. etc. so you really cannot ever trust them...you are always wondering where the money goes, and also they begin to react violent when not using because they need to do a line or so most of their time.. YOUR CHILDREN WILL most likely have ADHD. I once had a boyfriend who lost his parents in an auto accident and because of this, he inherited a lot of money so he was using "ALL KINDS OF DRUGS", GRASS, PILLS, ACID,AND COCAINE, of course, this one was his favorite and he used to do it quite often and a lot of it. I noticed how much he wanted me to do the stuff with him because they don't want to do it alone, they want you to get hooked (I guess) and soon in the relationship I realized that I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE HIS LIFE OF DRUGS...so I left him....this made me "so much stronger" .... I had made a very difficult decision in my life but it felt real good, seriously...I was able to look back and say to myself "girl, you should be proud of yourself" I always remember that day when I told him I could not continue in a relationship where it would be dangerous for me...oh, by the way, he got into a car crash(ran into a home) when he was hi on something and now he's got a huge scar in the middle of his forhead FOREVER, which will remind him how he got it...so, Wildgirl, rethink it over and over and DO NOT FOOL YOUR HEART, FOLLOW IT AND MAKE YOUR MOVE NOW, before it gets harder for you to do so....so you love him??? oh well, there will be others, love hurts but you can put it behind you, most of us have!!! LIVE LIFE!!!

Chy

Only you can decide whether or not to pursue this relationship. You said he started using at 19 and is now 30, that should be a big clue. It's tough when you love an addict, it's not easy at all. You've made a great start by doing the research, seeking opinions and thinking about yourself. You'll get a lot of support here.

lookingforhelp

Everything I have heard from you sounds exactly like what i went through with my EX-husband. Emphasis on the ex part. I stayed with this guy that loved me so much but never more than his cocaine. I decided if you can't beat him, join him and even though he is long gone I am a coke addict. Thank you Jeff. I also have a 5 yr old son that hasn't seen his father in 2 years and even then it was bad. It would take pages of typing to tell you what i went through and how much i regret it and unfortunetely you will probably not listen to what we have to say anyway. Just remember you can't change an addict. They will never love you enough to stop. I am sure there may be some cases of recovery but i doubt there are many. He has been using for 11 years. Watch your back, don't use with him no matter how much you love him. I can't possibly type to you everything I feel you should know but my alarm came up as soon as i read your post. Please don't lose yourself to this man. There are so many more out there. Take care of you.

hightower

Your livlihood as a considerate and respectable lady who has plans for a happy future may very likely become pipe dreams if you remain in a relationship with addicts who does not know how to love. Neither should you contemplate on playing second fiddle to an 11 year old substance addiction that usually ends in a plumetting downspiral taking all involved with it to some degree.Please search the recovery board for "family and friends of active or recovering addicts" as per your original request.Pull out, after exhausting all other options and be determined not to fall prey to this all too familiar pattern of self destruction


continue to be strong,
hightower

Benson,Danita

Sounds very unbalanced for u.....U r seeking help great....YOU ARE FIRST>>>>>>WELCOME....... look around and u will find it.....Your dreams will never happen....If its there now it doesnt disappear after marriage.....Be strong....What is it u love and how well do u really know him.....Love can be just a state of mind......Dont accept this in your life or u will wonder what the hell happened 2 me...Get out dont look back and save yourself.............U r not replaceable and u get one shot and its not a dress rehersal.......

Benson,Danita

Please listen.......RUN LIKE HELL THE OTHER WAY....DO NOT LOOK BACK.......U r looking for answers now u will be in a world of **** later if u stay

Change4life

As someone who just seperated after 12 years because of my using I think I can tell you that should probably cut your boyfriend off till he gets some real help. I feel like a traitor telling you that, but as a cocaine head myself I know you can promise to quit but it never seems to happen. Leaving may be painful, but you will be avoiding the increasing pain that will come in the future.