help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: tallahassee fl
Posts: 11
help
i am in desperate need of support. i have been using opiates very heavily over the past few months. i am a nurse and they are easily accessible. i changed departments to help control the urge...but i somehow am able to jusify why i need to do it just one more time. now....i know i need to stop before i lose my job. i have been taking approximately 8-10 percocet and 30-60 mg morphine daily. the last time was yesterday morning. i have been through withdrawal before...but never at this dose after this long of a period.
i can not risk going to an inpatient facility at this time. my physician is aware of my last detox...i am afraid to tell him about this time....i do not want to be turned in to the nursing board. i do not have direct patient care....i am in an administrative position.
please help lead me to someone who can assist with some support. i feel if i talk to someone daily this may help.
thanks
mam631
i can not risk going to an inpatient facility at this time. my physician is aware of my last detox...i am afraid to tell him about this time....i do not want to be turned in to the nursing board. i do not have direct patient care....i am in an administrative position.
please help lead me to someone who can assist with some support. i feel if i talk to someone daily this may help.
thanks
mam631
Jack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pocono Mts. of PA
Posts: 115
Hi Mam...you need to detox far away from where you work. Unless they're very understanding you'll lose your job. I don't know your financial situation but I know detox/rehab places are expensive. Will or can your medical insurance respect your privacy? If you use them it would have to be on a confidential basis. Can you find a bed in a place far enough away that your employer won't find out you were there. Can you take a leave of absence? A vacation or sick time? anything but the truth.
In fact unless you're locked in with pensions, medical insurance etc. a new job might be the way to go. RN's are in demand and you should be able to find a job perhaps as a contract nurse someplace far away from wherever you are now. You definitely need to talk to a lawyer.
I hope you know that nurses, pharmacists, doctors etc. spend much more time in a rehab than the average client. When I was in my 3rd rehab I had a pharmacist roommate who'd been there 7 months. An orthopedic surgeon I used to get high with spent 10 months in a facility in Boulder CO.
Another thought is you can't let the cops get involved. With the amount you're taking, even though it's for your own use when they do an inventory
they'll see you've taken enough to sell, easily. 10 percs and 30-60mg morphine daily adds up to a HUGE amount. You can't just resign out of the blue cuz that will initiate an inventory and the stuff will hit the fan when the totals are in. I won't even suggest coming clean unless you know something you haven't mentioned. No matter what promises are made for your being forthright you know it will be used against you. If only to make an example for all the other hospital personnel. Change physicians. Tell the new one anything to keep him from getting your records. Get on the internet and find a detox/rehab and if you have to take out a loan...if you can. 1st you need to worry about detox and you can do that in a week, medically. Rehab is another story. No reputable place will agree to out patient rehab. With the info you've given I don't know what else to say. With a lawyer you'll have privelege and you can lay it all out for him or her and get more comprehensive advice. You know you're a junkie and there's little sympathy for a junkie anywhere. Especially in medical circles. I don't know how you can dodge this bullet but I hope you do. I know what it's like to have access and abuse that trust.....and get caught. I'll pray for you. Write again and let me know how you make out. ....Jack
God bless
In fact unless you're locked in with pensions, medical insurance etc. a new job might be the way to go. RN's are in demand and you should be able to find a job perhaps as a contract nurse someplace far away from wherever you are now. You definitely need to talk to a lawyer.
I hope you know that nurses, pharmacists, doctors etc. spend much more time in a rehab than the average client. When I was in my 3rd rehab I had a pharmacist roommate who'd been there 7 months. An orthopedic surgeon I used to get high with spent 10 months in a facility in Boulder CO.
Another thought is you can't let the cops get involved. With the amount you're taking, even though it's for your own use when they do an inventory
they'll see you've taken enough to sell, easily. 10 percs and 30-60mg morphine daily adds up to a HUGE amount. You can't just resign out of the blue cuz that will initiate an inventory and the stuff will hit the fan when the totals are in. I won't even suggest coming clean unless you know something you haven't mentioned. No matter what promises are made for your being forthright you know it will be used against you. If only to make an example for all the other hospital personnel. Change physicians. Tell the new one anything to keep him from getting your records. Get on the internet and find a detox/rehab and if you have to take out a loan...if you can. 1st you need to worry about detox and you can do that in a week, medically. Rehab is another story. No reputable place will agree to out patient rehab. With the info you've given I don't know what else to say. With a lawyer you'll have privelege and you can lay it all out for him or her and get more comprehensive advice. You know you're a junkie and there's little sympathy for a junkie anywhere. Especially in medical circles. I don't know how you can dodge this bullet but I hope you do. I know what it's like to have access and abuse that trust.....and get caught. I'll pray for you. Write again and let me know how you make out. ....Jack
God bless
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey mam, I too was a heavy opiate user.
You're probably not going to want to hear this, but the only true important thing in your life, is getting clean, and getting some help. Because truly, you can not live a life, while using. It is a very tough life, using. You know that.
Honestly I worked for years fighting the drug abuse, but now I have been clean for a little over 4 months. That may not sound long to you, but it is the longest time I have been clean since I started abusing opiates.
I have been through numberous detoxes, and in the end, in order for me to finally get clean, I had to get into a recovery program, and give 100% to recovery. It is a difficult road, but it can and has been done by many people.
I hope you stick around here at SR, there is much support here. It is truly up to each person, with support to decide you have had all you can take, and are ready to do what ever it takes to get and stay clean.
I wish you the best, check out the substance abuse form, there are many people that hang out there that share the same problem, that can offer much support.
Love, Becky
You're probably not going to want to hear this, but the only true important thing in your life, is getting clean, and getting some help. Because truly, you can not live a life, while using. It is a very tough life, using. You know that.
Honestly I worked for years fighting the drug abuse, but now I have been clean for a little over 4 months. That may not sound long to you, but it is the longest time I have been clean since I started abusing opiates.
I have been through numberous detoxes, and in the end, in order for me to finally get clean, I had to get into a recovery program, and give 100% to recovery. It is a difficult road, but it can and has been done by many people.
I hope you stick around here at SR, there is much support here. It is truly up to each person, with support to decide you have had all you can take, and are ready to do what ever it takes to get and stay clean.
I wish you the best, check out the substance abuse form, there are many people that hang out there that share the same problem, that can offer much support.
Love, Becky
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: tallahassee fl
Posts: 11
thanks, a new job is out of the question. i may be able to take a leave of absence. the totals for the medications are done on a daily basis...i sign them out to patients. being in the position i am in it makes it pretty easy. but, i am tired of being SICK. i know i need to clean up yet again. I have new things going on in my life right now that make life worth living again. i lost my husband of 25 years 3 years ago to cancer....2 months after losing my 3 days old granddaughter to a chromosomial disorder. i didnt like the feeling of pain...and turned to medicating myself. i have been through this a few times....but never asked for outside help before. i just need someone to talk to on a daily basis to ventilate to and to be supportive of me.
i am hoping to get through this week as painlessly as possible....i know that isnt the way it is going to be though. i think with some support i should be able to stay clean if i can talk to someone about things daily.
thanks for responding
i am hoping to get through this week as painlessly as possible....i know that isnt the way it is going to be though. i think with some support i should be able to stay clean if i can talk to someone about things daily.
thanks for responding
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Mam,
Hi former nurse, recovering opiate addict here.
I will be blunt. You have to go to rehab. All the excuses in the world won't cut it. I have said them all and honestly, if I had sought help, I wouldn't have been fired and had my license on indefinate suspension. I was too proud, embarrassed to ask for help. Stupid of me. I have been through the "if onlys" and I know now that is the past and I am proud that I have 6 years and 10 months of sobriety.
Even if you aren't in patient care, you can be a danger to yourself, to those on the road ( using while driving even if you aren't on a high is grounds for board action) to your loved ones. The boards fo nursing are much more lenient if you voluntairily go into treatment than if you are caught.
It isn't easy, but remember you didn't become addicted over night. It took time. It will take time to start to recover and work through all that you need to do.
I have chosen not to return to nursing. For ME, that is the best decision. That doesn't mean you can never return to nursing, but for now, for you and those around you, you need to do some serious soul searching and decide what your priorities are.
If you need to talk more, please personal message me.
You may also want to check out "Nurses in Recovery" website. Just google it and it will lead you through how to join and get help.
I care!
Hi former nurse, recovering opiate addict here.
I will be blunt. You have to go to rehab. All the excuses in the world won't cut it. I have said them all and honestly, if I had sought help, I wouldn't have been fired and had my license on indefinate suspension. I was too proud, embarrassed to ask for help. Stupid of me. I have been through the "if onlys" and I know now that is the past and I am proud that I have 6 years and 10 months of sobriety.
Even if you aren't in patient care, you can be a danger to yourself, to those on the road ( using while driving even if you aren't on a high is grounds for board action) to your loved ones. The boards fo nursing are much more lenient if you voluntairily go into treatment than if you are caught.
It isn't easy, but remember you didn't become addicted over night. It took time. It will take time to start to recover and work through all that you need to do.
I have chosen not to return to nursing. For ME, that is the best decision. That doesn't mean you can never return to nursing, but for now, for you and those around you, you need to do some serious soul searching and decide what your priorities are.
If you need to talk more, please personal message me.
You may also want to check out "Nurses in Recovery" website. Just google it and it will lead you through how to join and get help.
I care!
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