Saturday
everything is already ok
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Saturday
Day 84, 12 weeks. Been a tough week, but I got through it and I am happy about that.
Sometimes I am ok and sometimes just hanging on. I know this will pass, just wish it would b***er off now.
nogard
Sometimes I am ok and sometimes just hanging on. I know this will pass, just wish it would b***er off now.
nogard
everything is already ok
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Who am I kidding, I am in trouble, been telling myself all week that its other things and not me. Truth is I have been dealing daily with all the stuff life throws at me and I am thinking things currently that I have not thought since I stopped drinking, like whats the point, I can't do this, why me.... you all know the story.
I feel like I am walking through treacle everything is so difficult. All I know is that I give up this time I won't get back here again in this lifetime.
nogard
I feel like I am walking through treacle everything is so difficult. All I know is that I give up this time I won't get back here again in this lifetime.
nogard
Where can I get a cup of tea?
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Somewhere in space...
Posts: 55
If it helps to know it, I'm still sitting here reading stuff at 1.20am Saturday, and am both gratified to have found support and understanding, but also scared of how I'm going to live without my booze. As Annie Lennox sang; Dying is easy - it's living that scares me to death.
I've accepted that I'm an alcoholic because I like the damned drunken fog, the 'being out of it' all. I'm almost 50 years old and I've never been able to love myself properly. For the last 15 years, since my first divorce and loosing my kids as well as my wife, I've been living in a kind of 'virtual death'. So easy to take alcohol option, isn't it? It silences all the inner voices that blame, assign guilt, whine and ramble about why we're not happy. Meanwhile, it's killing us slowly, eating away at mind and body.
If you don't take the first drink, you're training yourself for another day without a drink. The more days without it, the more clarity. Perhaps more pain too, but increasing health in mind and body to do something about it, to be kinder to yourself.
I need sleep - that's being kind to myself. And I'm into Day 2 as well..!
I've accepted that I'm an alcoholic because I like the damned drunken fog, the 'being out of it' all. I'm almost 50 years old and I've never been able to love myself properly. For the last 15 years, since my first divorce and loosing my kids as well as my wife, I've been living in a kind of 'virtual death'. So easy to take alcohol option, isn't it? It silences all the inner voices that blame, assign guilt, whine and ramble about why we're not happy. Meanwhile, it's killing us slowly, eating away at mind and body.
If you don't take the first drink, you're training yourself for another day without a drink. The more days without it, the more clarity. Perhaps more pain too, but increasing health in mind and body to do something about it, to be kinder to yourself.
I need sleep - that's being kind to myself. And I'm into Day 2 as well..!
Jack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pocono Mts. of PA
Posts: 115
Hi Nogard and Arthur...you're both in early sobriety and it's tough. Nothing good ever came w/out hard work and that's what you need to do. Nogard is on day 84. Great. That means you're 84 days closer to having a clear mind and a healthy body. Arthur needs sleep. Well, sleep will come when your mind stops racing, trying to acclimate itself to not being sedated. Your body too. Neither of you got into this shape overnight and you won't get out of it that quick no matter what. Do something to get out of your head. Volunteer for something. Try a hobby like crossword puzzles.
AA has a saying for early sobriety and when you think 'I just can't do this anymore.
"Don't think, don't drink and go to a meeting" I know there aren't meetings 24/7 but there are lots of meetings. If not in your area and you can drive, spend an hour in a car and go to a meeting somewhere.[U] And...there's always the internet. Chat rooms for drunks and junkies, places like this where you can vent and usually get a dialogue of some kind keeping you interested in what you're doing instead of dwelling/obsessing about getting loaded. Kudos to both of you for what you've done so far. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!
AA has a saying for early sobriety and when you think 'I just can't do this anymore.
"Don't think, don't drink and go to a meeting" I know there aren't meetings 24/7 but there are lots of meetings. If not in your area and you can drive, spend an hour in a car and go to a meeting somewhere.[U] And...there's always the internet. Chat rooms for drunks and junkies, places like this where you can vent and usually get a dialogue of some kind keeping you interested in what you're doing instead of dwelling/obsessing about getting loaded. Kudos to both of you for what you've done so far. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!
Jack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pocono Mts. of PA
Posts: 115
You're actally doing it! Be proud.
Hi Nogard and Arthur...you're both in early sobriety and it's tough. Nothing good ever came w/out hard work and that's what you need to do. Nogard is on day 84. Great. That means you're 84 days closer to having a clear mind and a healthy body. Arthur needs sleep. Well, sleep will come when your mind stops racing, trying to acclimate itself to not being sedated. Your body too. Neither of you got into this shape overnight and you won't get out of it that quick no matter what. Do something to get out of your head. Volunteer for something. Try a hobby like crossword puzzles.
AA has a saying for early sobriety and when you think 'I just can't do this anymore.
"Don't think, don't drink and go to a meeting" I know there aren't meetings 24/7 but there are lots of meetings. If not in your area and you can drive, spend an hour in a car and go to a meeting somewhere.[U] And...there's always the internet. Chat rooms for drunks and junkies, places like this where you can vent and usually get a dialogue of some kind keeping you interested in what you're doing instead of dwelling/obsessing about getting loaded. Kudos to both of you for what you've done so far. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!
God bless
AA has a saying for early sobriety and when you think 'I just can't do this anymore.
"Don't think, don't drink and go to a meeting" I know there aren't meetings 24/7 but there are lots of meetings. If not in your area and you can drive, spend an hour in a car and go to a meeting somewhere.[U] And...there's always the internet. Chat rooms for drunks and junkies, places like this where you can vent and usually get a dialogue of some kind keeping you interested in what you're doing instead of dwelling/obsessing about getting loaded. Kudos to both of you for what you've done so far. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!
God bless
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
This too shall pass as my dear old mother would say. Grab on to your ass with both hands so you can't grab a drink.
It will get easier as time goes on. They kept elling me to keep coming back and not to give up till the miracle happens.
I kept waiting for a flash of lightening from the sky. One day, it all came clear to me that the promises do come true everyone of them. You have to work for them though
Best adice I can give you is service work. Do unto others make your self useful at a meeting help start them up clean them up offer rides to meeting ooff er to go to meetings.
Just be thankful that, you're on here right now instead of drunk some where
chris
It will get easier as time goes on. They kept elling me to keep coming back and not to give up till the miracle happens.
I kept waiting for a flash of lightening from the sky. One day, it all came clear to me that the promises do come true everyone of them. You have to work for them though
Best adice I can give you is service work. Do unto others make your self useful at a meeting help start them up clean them up offer rides to meeting ooff er to go to meetings.
Just be thankful that, you're on here right now instead of drunk some where
chris
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Nogard and Arthur,
I know it's hard. I am in early recovery too and I'm dealing with the same stuff. Together we can do it.
When things are bad, remember that it will pass. Nothing stays in the same mode always. Just keep hanging in there. Just for today, say to yourself that you are not gonna drink and do anything to keep yourself from drinking.
Reaching out to others is always a good way to get out our own heads. They say our head is a dangerous place to be. I know for me that is true so I always try to do what I can for other people.
Please hang in there, I need you around here with me!!
Hugs,
Angel
I know it's hard. I am in early recovery too and I'm dealing with the same stuff. Together we can do it.
When things are bad, remember that it will pass. Nothing stays in the same mode always. Just keep hanging in there. Just for today, say to yourself that you are not gonna drink and do anything to keep yourself from drinking.
Reaching out to others is always a good way to get out our own heads. They say our head is a dangerous place to be. I know for me that is true so I always try to do what I can for other people.
Please hang in there, I need you around here with me!!
Hugs,
Angel
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: England
Posts: 108
Hi Nogard,
Congrats on 84 days, yeah your right, sometimes it is like being in treacle, but you know or sure that its better climbing out of it yourself, rather than going back to where you were 85 days ago. Sometimes its worth reminding ourselves of how hard day one was, dont know about you but I dont want another one.
Stay strong mate,
Pete
Arthur did you get some sleep? Its a bu**er a first but it does come soon.
Congrats on 84 days, yeah your right, sometimes it is like being in treacle, but you know or sure that its better climbing out of it yourself, rather than going back to where you were 85 days ago. Sometimes its worth reminding ourselves of how hard day one was, dont know about you but I dont want another one.
Stay strong mate,
Pete
Arthur did you get some sleep? Its a bu**er a first but it does come soon.
Where can I get a cup of tea?
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Somewhere in space...
Posts: 55
Thanks to you all for the support folks - I really appreciate it.
Pete, I did get some fitful sleep, but realise that my body is buggered up because I've been drinking myself to sleep for so many years. The internal clock goes haywire too easily, and I go to bed too late, have a restless sweaty night, and am werecked next day. On work days I've been struggling through it, then getting drunk to go to sleep! Of course it's not real sleep, which is why I realise I'm hitting (or have hit) the crisis point.
Getting to bed early and just getting up when I wake has to be a part of the life changes I need to make. For some reason I act like my body can cope with anything, but of course it can't.
Angel, you made me think too. As I've said elsewhere, I'm kinder to others than to myself, although I cacn end up in forms of dependency. I've realised that I'm being selfish in wrecking my own life though, and should do something for others in ways without entanglements. I think I become resentlful if I give my time and then realise I'm trapped into commitment - I love to feel free of anything like that. I'm going to look into what I could be doing for others in a casual way though, so that resentment of being tied to something doesn't arise.
Pete, I did get some fitful sleep, but realise that my body is buggered up because I've been drinking myself to sleep for so many years. The internal clock goes haywire too easily, and I go to bed too late, have a restless sweaty night, and am werecked next day. On work days I've been struggling through it, then getting drunk to go to sleep! Of course it's not real sleep, which is why I realise I'm hitting (or have hit) the crisis point.
Getting to bed early and just getting up when I wake has to be a part of the life changes I need to make. For some reason I act like my body can cope with anything, but of course it can't.
Angel, you made me think too. As I've said elsewhere, I'm kinder to others than to myself, although I cacn end up in forms of dependency. I've realised that I'm being selfish in wrecking my own life though, and should do something for others in ways without entanglements. I think I become resentlful if I give my time and then realise I'm trapped into commitment - I love to feel free of anything like that. I'm going to look into what I could be doing for others in a casual way though, so that resentment of being tied to something doesn't arise.
everything is already ok
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Glad your ok Arthur.
Thanks for all your thoughts. I went out and did some physical work and then spent the evening with friends. I have to make sure in future to not spend to much time alone.
nogard
Thanks for all your thoughts. I went out and did some physical work and then spent the evening with friends. I have to make sure in future to not spend to much time alone.
nogard
Where can I get a cup of tea?
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Somewhere in space...
Posts: 55
you're both in early sobriety
I feel like laughing and crying at the same time, thinking how fogged and self-convinced I've been all these years, even to the point of convincing myself that I was aware of my problem and could deal with it one day when I chose to. I guess for me the realisation slowly dawned when I knew I'd never stopped for more than a month, and in fact couldn't even remember when that month was.
I'm gad I'm here with you all now.
Edit:
Nogard, I'm happy you managed to change your routine and do something instead of drinking. That's one of my main tasks I think, yet even now there's a little voice in the back of my mind saying things like, "Yeah, but once you feel better, a few drinks won't hurt". Unbelievable, isn't it..?
Stronger every day!
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 191
Hang in there, nogard......you can do this! I haven't been here in a while because I fell off and had to start over, so trust me, I feel your pain. I'm still dealing with some stuff I thought I had a handle on, but apparently it's getting to me more than I thought. Ah, life's little speedbumps.....gotta love em.
Arthur, I can SO relate to that statement: "convincing myself that I was aware of my problem and could deal with it one day when I chose to. I guess for me the realisation slowly dawned when I knew I'd never stopped for more than a month, and in fact couldn't even remember when that month was." That's where I am too, I think. I was a day short of 30 when I fell off this last time, and had two more weeks in when I fell off again the other day. So, it's back to day 2 for me. Sigh.
Just remember, none of us are alone here, no matter how bad it gets. It may be a very long arm's length across the pond or down under, but we're here for you guys......and each other. Stay strong! Love, Genie
Arthur, I can SO relate to that statement: "convincing myself that I was aware of my problem and could deal with it one day when I chose to. I guess for me the realisation slowly dawned when I knew I'd never stopped for more than a month, and in fact couldn't even remember when that month was." That's where I am too, I think. I was a day short of 30 when I fell off this last time, and had two more weeks in when I fell off again the other day. So, it's back to day 2 for me. Sigh.
Just remember, none of us are alone here, no matter how bad it gets. It may be a very long arm's length across the pond or down under, but we're here for you guys......and each other. Stay strong! Love, Genie
Where can I get a cup of tea?
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Somewhere in space...
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by jpeace2
I was a day short of 30 when I fell off this last time, and had two more weeks in when I fell off again the other day. So, it's back to day 2 for me. Sigh.
Come to think of it, you can't go back to Day 2 - you had those other Day 2's before. You've had plenty of sober days before and after as well, right? This is a new future, not a reversal into the past - that's just not posible. 'Falling off' is now the past as well, so let the past look after itself. We all have a future to grow into.
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