ArthurDent

Yep Stonerat, I read that other post last night - somewhat scarey, isn't it? Makes you realise what's being robbed from you by booze.

You know what else? Your smiley comment about there being nothing wrong with drivel made me realise that I don't much like listening to whining, and I don't like whining myself. In fact, probably because I've always been told not to (thank you, mother).

What is wrong with whining drivel..? Nothing, and it takes someone else to point that out to me. What's wrong is when I refuse to just accept that another human being is feeling pain and needs to speak to help ease it. What's also wrong is me refusing to speak of my own pain in the hope that it might ease, thinking that others will not have the heart to just listen without judging, condemning, or trying to 'fix me'.

You know, I started this thread by saying that I need help but don't know what, and I'm realising what already - just the companionship of others who feel and have felt the same pains in life as me, the same rejections, the same abuses, the same guilts, and same need to escape even if it means harming yourself in the long run.

I'm not aiming to be a 'dry drunk'. I'm aiming to be a happy being who can live without needing the sleepy booze drug to take me away from experiencing my life.

stone

well put

marlene

Hi,
My name is Marlene and am knew here. I have been feeling so bad lately because of my drinking. I can usually finish off 2 bottles of wine. I'm so trying to stop. I guess this is a first step and should feel happy but feel guilty I've let myself get this far.

Anna

Hi Marlene,

Welcome! I was a wine drinker too and I know how bad you can feel when you get caught up in the endless cycle of drinking. You have come to a great place for support and I hope you keep posting.

Anna

ArthurDent

You may find it really hard to like/love yourself, but now the pain of hurting yourself with alcohol is getting worse than the enjoyment, else you woldn't be here, yes?

Your guilt, and mine, is not really acceptance that there's 'something wrong with us', but a notice that we've been hurting ourselves when we shouldn't have. Whatever the reasons are, the guilt is a part of your soul telling you enough is enough. Ok, now you've listened to the 'guilt message', there's no need to keep re-reading it. It's done it's job, and you're here to find help amongst others who've caused themselves harm too. I'm amazed already at how often others are saying, "Yep - me too!"

Pretty damned wise these folks are. After just not giving up for 15 years, I realised I needed the help and encouragement of others. I think you've found it, as I have.

What's your plan for not drinking today..? Mine's 3 fold;

1. Don't buy booze when I go shopping this afternoon.
2. Replace having a drink with having a cup of tea and reading a book, or maybe watch a DVD I got from the library.
3. Going to bed before midnight regardless of whether I'm tired, so I can start training my body to sleep naturally again without whiskey. (That's already a difficult one).

My reward, instead of getting sloshed and thinking it's still ok? Why, feeling so very un-guilty about feeling good tomorrow, and posting that I've made it to Plus Day 3!

Don't know about you, but I'm finding that speaking the truth about myself and my own addiction to alcohol to numb my pain is making me feel somehow freer, even though it's anonymously. In fact, perhaps because it is.

The feelings I'm getting from others wanting to live a better life, and see me do so too, are anything but anonymous.

Sorry; babbling again. So ... What's your plan for not drinking today..?