nogard

The last few days have been very tough. I felt like I had been doing everything right, not drinking, going to meetings.... I had trouble with work, I was not getting paid on time, trouble with some of the work I was doing and I thought it was my fault.

Yesterday I sorted all of this out and suddenly everything felt ok again and this morning I realised I had been doing something wrong, I was not talking about any of this and my feelings guilt and anger at myself.

Another lesson learned, I will always talk about what is going on from now before it gets me into trouble. In the past I would deal with problems by being drunk and ignoring them and then being in panic when they climaxed. I was in danger over the last few days of at least letting events spiral into chaos and whilst I did not drink, that was the start of a relapse.

nogard

babeekj

(((nogard))) sweetie I am sooo glad you hung in there and you are still here with us

Time2Surrender

I can relate.Been there.You mentioned meetings, but nothing about a sponsor or working the steps.Are you doing this? Its the only way anything changed for me.Hang in there.Im glad you are sharing this instead of drinking. Relapse and Relapse Prevention

na4today

it's good to know the signs of relapse....you have come so far. Stay strong!

kathy

Dan

Good insight there nogard.
Real good.
I'm glad you made it.

nogard

Thanks babeekj, TimeToSurrender, Kathy and Dan.


I don't have a sponsor yet, I have been going to gallery (speaker) meetings in the city and have not found a sponsor, I have a few Phone No's interesting that I did not use them over the last few days I will today. Also I am going to a local meeting (been putting it off) tomorrow and I will ask about a sponsor there and as to the steps I am still at Step 3 but am working the steps on my own.

nogard

nogard

By the way - very happy to be here still

nogard

nogard

I am sitting here thinking and you know one of my patterns has been "I don't want to bother anyone ...." that has to change as its a danger to my recovery, lucky I have a very good very smart friend, he knows when I am not ok, even if we have not talked, he phoned me yesterday and simply said whats up? and I poured it all out and then I went away sorted out the practical stuff and it was as if God lifted a steel jacket from my shoulders.


nogard

nogard

How is this for twisted thinking. The problem I had with work was that a cvlient phoned up and complained about a PC i had set up for Music recording. I not only accepted what he said but offered to give him the money back. Yesterday I realised that I had done everything he had asked and he had mucked up the installation of the software. I talked to him about it and he agreed it was his problem!!

Beware the alcholic thinking

nogard

na4today

I don't have a sponsor yet and that may be some of my problem, demons creeping up. And that may be where a lot of my anxiety is coming from, I'm just a mess.

nogard

We do this alone na4today but as we do it lets hold each other (((Hugs))) and lets both get a sponsor

Off to work now but thinking of you all.

nogard