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Wife still angry at me.

Old 08-01-2005, 03:33 PM
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Wife still angry at me.

Hi to all
Has anyone else experienced this weird phenomenom. My wife seems really p**sed off with me and keeps throwing things in my face that I did whilst I was drinking. It is as though she doesn't think I have been punished enough for my past stuff ups. I am trying to take it all in my stride and have talked to a counsellor about this. He told me that this is quite common,and often a persons partner will remain angry with them ,even though they haved stopped drinking. It certainly makes the task more difficult, with just another thing to have to deal with. Does anyone have any thoughts on this , or have experienced this, and if so ,how did they deal with it.
Greg
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Old 08-01-2005, 03:41 PM
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With understanding is how I deal with it.

For how many years, months, weeks, days, did I add to the list of things she held inside? Now sober and hopefully thinking straight, she is in her right to hand it back to someone who is now able to understand her pain.
I did it. I own it. It is part of the payment for my past actions.
It is also part of her healing.
I will continue to do what is right and good and I have seen her pain slack away over time. It does get better. Keep doing what you need to do. Remain faithful in showing her the trust, even if she doesn't trsut yet. Time will heal things when we do what is right.
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Old 08-01-2005, 03:59 PM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=66110

I think this thread here could give you some insight. FrogLegs and her H are right now separated but they are both working on themselves and working on patching up their relationship. Perhaps you could get some insight from reading it. I do like what Best said too. Everyones situation is different and I do not know if you can find anything in Frogleggs post that is relevant to your situation but maybe you can...
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Old 08-01-2005, 04:01 PM
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I don't know how long you've been sober, but I know I wished that my family would forgive and forget as soon as I stopped drinking. But, that didn't happen and I didn't blame them at all. For 3 years I put them through a lot of pain and it takes time to move on. All you can do is to keep staying sober and be patient. I'm grateful that my family eventually forgave me.

Love, Anna
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Old 08-01-2005, 04:05 PM
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Originally Posted by 51anna
I'm grateful that my family eventually forgave me.
Yes they do forgive.
Hold on to that hope as it is one that does happen so many times.
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Old 08-01-2005, 04:32 PM
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My view from the other side is that she is hurting herself as much as she is hurting you with all those resentments. Sure, maybe a discussion or two where she can let it out and be done with it, but even that might be better done at a Nar-Anon meeting, which by the way would help her even though you are clean today.

My suggestion for her would be to write it out, talk it out with someone appropriate, and then let the past remain where it belongs, behind each of you. Healing takes time, but it can't begin until the resentments are dealt with in a healthy way.

Congratulations on your sobriety, Greg, and I hope you and your wife can work through this together.

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Ann
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Old 08-01-2005, 04:54 PM
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As long as she wants to remain one of the walking wounded, she will.
Not much you can do about that.
Once you've made your amends and decided to live a healthy life, you have taken care of your side of the street.
Her side is up to her.
"Let the past remain where it belongs, behind each of you."
Yep, it's all about moving forward.
Living in the past never did anyone a lick of good.
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Old 08-01-2005, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by best
With understanding is how I deal with it.

I will continue to do what is right and good and I have seen her pain slack away over time. It does get better. Keep doing what you need to do. Remain faithful in showing her the trust, even if she doesn't trsut yet. Time will heal things when we do what is right.
I think Best hit on something I missed, and that's about the trust taking time. Fear is probably what is triggering her anger, and in time she will learn from your actions that she can trust again. A little compassion and patience goes a long way on both sides.

Hugs
Ann
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Old 08-01-2005, 05:07 PM
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HI Greg! I would like to share with you from the other side. For me, my husband put our family through more pain than I ever thought possible. I try very hard to work my Al-Anon program. But there are days when things come flashing back and I just need him to REALLY hear me. Not to tell me that it's no big deal, just get over it. That hurts! I need him to listen and then tell me he loves me. I feel that he doesn't love me by making such hurtful remarks. Just listen to her and love her more than anything. We have been put through so much. Thanks!
Suzie
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