Dead Poet

I have the traditional addiction story, quit about 100 times, understand that I'm lying to myself, I feelgreat when I do quit....had a bad child hood but I just try not to dwell, i've detoxed, withdrawn...relapsed, and I'm dead tired of being dead tired and still going back. I know I need to pull away completely...I know there is no "secret" but since im feeling a high right now i wish there was. I was wondering if you could recall what helped you quit. I quit, and always return. I'm sick and disgusted by myself i hate it all. I want love, i know its a good solution but i just lost all my hope and fatih and belief. Got any sense you can throw at me? Really would be appreciated. I feel awful right now. I need a reason, a way that would never make me want to touch it as bad as i hate it right now. I know i have to quit when it hurts more (knwing i am addicted) than it numbs when i am high.....Does anyone have any personal experiences where they quit cold turkey with NO turning back? I've been struggling for tooo long with the addiction and trying to quit. Ive been almost every way you could go and I just lie to myself to get it back. PLEASE offer insight

bikewench

Not I... ;o)

I couldn't get anywhere with my addictions until I began looking for help in the 12 step program and in psychology books on addiction and codependancy...

Welcome to Sober Recovery....
All the answers you will ever need will cross this forum at some point... so.. I invite you to stay... and learn.. and recover from your addictions...

Dead Poet

It' true that things are MUCH better being sober, so I'm hoping maybe all the times that I get to be ssober will eventually add up to one time where it will beat any urges of the drug. I absolutely hate it when i "forget" that I can't have just one and be fine. It's like i wish there was a reminder in your mouth, like an alarm that went off everytime it entered that i could quite literally die from this, because i already feel dead when i am using, you know. I also hate that i know what to do and what i want, yet i turn to it the moment i doubt the latter.

In memory of miracle

Yes, I have been where you are many times. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I surrendered to a recovery program and a power greater then myself. It took afew prayers to get me there I have a built in forgetter that i haveto watch. It tells me " one more time, it will be different this time". I recognize that as a lie my disease tells me. It will get better. One day at a time we take it, or 5 minutes at a time. If I can do it, you can too. I am pulling for you.
Bless, Trish

CarolD

DP...Welcome!

What I do to stay sober...

I do hope you find the joy of recovery.

In memory of miracle

((( DP )))
How are you today?

Dead Poet

Thanks for the suport! I'm ok today, experiencing bad headaches but i know its because of the detox...today i smy first day of real detox....i really hope i can do it this time, i mean i know i can, i just hope my reasons not to overpower that urge that tells me that i dont care ...thanks for asking

nogard

Hi DP,

Hang in there and great to see you here.

nogard