fairywatcher54

Looking for some support again. I can not believe I have fallen for another person who has a drinking problem. Back in a cycle of drinking, me being angry, he quits for a couple of days or maybe a week, then again it happens. Have been through kicking out and the whole nine yards. This morning talked with him and asked what we were going to do to address this cycle, and his response was: "I don't see a problem." When I stated I was unhappy after three days of not talking to each other again, he did not say a word. Always tells me he will take care of it. Denies having a problem and states what is wrong with me that I can not handle him having a few beers. He states he is not hurting anyone is not abusive what is the big deal? It has been like this for almost three years and once when he was sober for three months, it was the best time of our relationship for me. It was everything I dreamed of. Then Mothers day he started in again. He resents the fact that he has to curb his drinking in order for me to be happy with him. Do I just not get it?

historyteach

Hi, and welcome to SR.
What I did not get for a very long time, (understatement, lol!), is that I cannot control what another human being will do.
It's so darned simple, but, it's not what I thought.
Please go to the Friends and Families of Alcoholics and get the support you need. The only thing you CAN control is you. But, we learn tools to help us along this road.
The 3 Cs, for example, tell us we didn't Cause his alcoholism; we can't Control it and we can't Cure it. We can Cope with it though. Through our program of recovery and the 12 Steps.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!

fairywatcher54

Learning the C's is so hard. Sometimes I look at him and hate the fact that he is not willing to choose me over a beer. Does not do a good thing for ones self image. I tell myself I am too good to put up with this and I deserve a better man. But then I remember being 55, obese, with a teenager about to leave home is going to be a lonely place alone. I long for those moments of when he does not drink and is affectionate. We used to do so many things together and now every time I try to say lets try something, he is willing only if he can reward himself for going with a drink or two. That way I get what I want and then I can not say anything to him about the drinks. I spend time just thinking about what I can do to just deal with it. Sometimes I am so ready for him to leave and then other times he is so good to me. . Thanks for giving me a lift up. I was pretty down there

Swanie

bhj