Any Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cordova, TN
Posts: 4
Any Advice
Hello Everyone,
I am not sure where to start so I am just going to explain my situation. My husband just got out of rehab last Saturday, he stayed ten days. He was addicted to Loratabs, cocain (every once in a while) and because of these two, alcohol. Six months ago I confronted him about the bank account (which was a huge mess) he told me he had a problem. I wish he would have checked himself into rehab then, but we really needed him to work to get out of the financial mess he put us in. Well, we still haven't gotten out. I would pay bills and most would come back, because my husband was taking money out of the account daily after my payday. I am very hurt by all that he has done, I feel like we will never get caught back up. I am very happy that he took a big step and checked into rehab. He had a very bad childhood and really needed to talk to someone about it. He had classes called Trauma and he got everything out. Turns out he had an even worse childhood than I thought. The therapist said he turned to the drugs and alcohol to try and forget the pain and hurt he went through. My husband says that he is better now that he has gotten things off his chest. He also says he has no cravings whatsoever. I am just so hurt by his lying and stealing. He lost his job a week before he checked into rehab and is currently looking for a new one. I love my husband very much and I will support him 100%, but working on the relationship plus the financial problems is so much to deal with, but we will get through it together. I just wondered if anyone had any advice or a similar story to help us get through this. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to get my situation out there. Thanks for listening, everyone is so great here...so much love, help and support. Thanks again!
I am not sure where to start so I am just going to explain my situation. My husband just got out of rehab last Saturday, he stayed ten days. He was addicted to Loratabs, cocain (every once in a while) and because of these two, alcohol. Six months ago I confronted him about the bank account (which was a huge mess) he told me he had a problem. I wish he would have checked himself into rehab then, but we really needed him to work to get out of the financial mess he put us in. Well, we still haven't gotten out. I would pay bills and most would come back, because my husband was taking money out of the account daily after my payday. I am very hurt by all that he has done, I feel like we will never get caught back up. I am very happy that he took a big step and checked into rehab. He had a very bad childhood and really needed to talk to someone about it. He had classes called Trauma and he got everything out. Turns out he had an even worse childhood than I thought. The therapist said he turned to the drugs and alcohol to try and forget the pain and hurt he went through. My husband says that he is better now that he has gotten things off his chest. He also says he has no cravings whatsoever. I am just so hurt by his lying and stealing. He lost his job a week before he checked into rehab and is currently looking for a new one. I love my husband very much and I will support him 100%, but working on the relationship plus the financial problems is so much to deal with, but we will get through it together. I just wondered if anyone had any advice or a similar story to help us get through this. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to get my situation out there. Thanks for listening, everyone is so great here...so much love, help and support. Thanks again!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Hi, Leelee;
And welcome to SR!!!
You've come to a great place to get understanding and the Experience, Strength and Hope, (ESH), of others who know exactly what you're dealing with. I hope you will make your way down to the naranon board. Many there can relate with your experience and help guide your path on this (sometimes) rockey road called recovery.
You've been through alot. But, I think it's great that your husband chose to go to rehab. And to deal with childhood traumas. He too might find help here on the SR boards, over in NA or substance abuse forums.
My ex refused to acknowledge his gambling problem. Right now, the IRS is after him. He is about to have his electricity turned off. He's a mess. I am sorry for him. But, I can't change his behaviors. Only he can. I divorced him after he almost lost our home twice by gambling the mortgage away.
My son is a heroin addict. He is once again looking for a rehab to take him in. Again. He will change when he decides he has had enough too.
I didn't come across these seemingly cavalier attitudes towards my ex and my son overnight. I tried to "fix" the both of them. In fact, I tried so hard, I lost myself. I lived in chaos, going from one crisis to another. And ended up crashing in a huge depression.
Thank G*D I had face to face alanon meetings and SR, along with a great doctor and some good friends to get me through. Today, I am healthy, I own my own home, (I bought out my ex), and have a good job. I am truely blessed and grateful for my blessings.
I hope you will attend face to face meetings - naranon or alanon; and continue to come here to SR for the support you need to get through this. It IS possible. You CAN feel good again. And you can learn to take care of yourself, dispite whatever your husband does or does not do.
It DOES get better, one day at a time.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!
And welcome to SR!!!
You've come to a great place to get understanding and the Experience, Strength and Hope, (ESH), of others who know exactly what you're dealing with. I hope you will make your way down to the naranon board. Many there can relate with your experience and help guide your path on this (sometimes) rockey road called recovery.
You've been through alot. But, I think it's great that your husband chose to go to rehab. And to deal with childhood traumas. He too might find help here on the SR boards, over in NA or substance abuse forums.
My ex refused to acknowledge his gambling problem. Right now, the IRS is after him. He is about to have his electricity turned off. He's a mess. I am sorry for him. But, I can't change his behaviors. Only he can. I divorced him after he almost lost our home twice by gambling the mortgage away.
My son is a heroin addict. He is once again looking for a rehab to take him in. Again. He will change when he decides he has had enough too.
I didn't come across these seemingly cavalier attitudes towards my ex and my son overnight. I tried to "fix" the both of them. In fact, I tried so hard, I lost myself. I lived in chaos, going from one crisis to another. And ended up crashing in a huge depression.
Thank G*D I had face to face alanon meetings and SR, along with a great doctor and some good friends to get me through. Today, I am healthy, I own my own home, (I bought out my ex), and have a good job. I am truely blessed and grateful for my blessings.
I hope you will attend face to face meetings - naranon or alanon; and continue to come here to SR for the support you need to get through this. It IS possible. You CAN feel good again. And you can learn to take care of yourself, dispite whatever your husband does or does not do.
It DOES get better, one day at a time.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Cordova, TN
Posts: 4
Thank you so much! We had seperated about two weeks ago, but he was still living in the house with me and our three month old son. Then one day our power was cut off...I had had enough, I told him he needed to leave, that I couldn't do this anymore, he knew this was the next step if he didn't start providing for us. He was staying with a friend for about a week when he decided to check into rehab...I was there with him at his assessment, when they asked him what brought him in, he said because I am about to lose my wife and son. I feel like we could get through this, I just wish I only had to worry about working on our relationship...but I have the financial problems as well, and with both I just feel like I am drowning. He is back at the house (in spare bedroom) and things between us are getting better, at least we aren't fighting. I will just take it day by day. Thanks again for listening.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Welcome to SR, leelee...
Please come on over to the Friends & Families forum. You'll find plenty of folks there who understand and can offer insight, guidance and support while you try to make sense of the insanity of addiction...
Might I also suggest, to echo historyteach, that you check out some Al-Anon meetings in your area?
I wish you peace...
Please come on over to the Friends & Families forum. You'll find plenty of folks there who understand and can offer insight, guidance and support while you try to make sense of the insanity of addiction...
Might I also suggest, to echo historyteach, that you check out some Al-Anon meetings in your area?
I wish you peace...
We are just happy you are here!!
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