OK its been a long time i had one of these
The truth shall set you free
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
OK its been a long time i had one of these
Its been over a year I had a alcohol/drug dream. It was so clear. I knew exactly what I was ready to do. Ready to use and I did not even think about the consequences. In my dream I met this girl I have no idea who she is and I cant tell you were I was. I look at her face “drug addict knows another drug addict” I knew she was up to no good. We started talking, a few minutes in to our conversation she offered me some dope. I did not even hesitate, didn’t even think twice. The concept of recovery and all the hard work that went in to it went right out the door. I give her some money so she can buy more dope for me and then I went to the liquor store and bought a gallon of gin. “Wow”. What stands out about this dream, One. Sobriety I just didn’t care Two. How much my month was watering and Three. The smile that I had on my face.
I woke up shook my head and said were did that come from. I presided to go through the day not thinking twice about the dream. Hey we all have our bad days right. I had yesterday off from work. Out of no ware my friend who is also my sponsor called me which is unusual because he knows I work nights and usually we talk during the days or at the meetings on the weekends. He call to let me know he had an family emergency and if I did not see him in the weekend don’t worry. In our conversation he ask how was I doing I said fine. I forgot about the dream so I didn’t mention it to him. So we ended our conversation and that was that. Fifteen minutes later he calls back and ask were I was. I said at home I took the rest of the week off. Why what’s up, he ask if every thing was ok I said yeah every thing is fine other that I had this stupid dream the other night. I did some dope and bought a gallon of gin, I was trying to be funny about it. So I went on and told him about the dream.
So we met up this morning and he ask me what is going on in my life lately. I said other then financial problems which you know about every thing else is fine. I told him that I was trying to sell some commercial cleaning equipment that I have in my garage. He ask were did you get all this equipment. At one time I own a cleaning company with and old friend. When did you decide to sell the equipment, I said the other day. What happen to you and your friend and the company. We had a misunderstanding so we dissolve the company and he went his way and I went mine. How did you end up with all the equipment. Actually the equipment belongs to both of us, since I had the space in my garage we put the equipment there. Did you tell your friend you are selling the equipment. No I haven’t heard from him in over seven years.
When you did your inventory did you put any of this down. No. Think about it the same day you decide to sell the equipment that same night you have a relapse dream. Guilt kills. First you need to keep working on your inventory and then some how find your friend get humble and make amends and while you doing that let him know what your plans are with the equipment. The equipment you want to sell that also belongs to him.
Locked in my conscience was anger and resentment because of losing the company. When I decided to sell the equipment the guilt did set in and I rationalized the hole situation. I didn’t want to see it for what it really was. I been holding on to those feelings for to many years. Its time to let go. Thanks to my Twelve Step Program. My Sponsor who points out my character defects and who kicks me in my butt and knows exactly what I need.
Thank you SR for letting me share here.
And thanks for listening.
Ivan
I woke up shook my head and said were did that come from. I presided to go through the day not thinking twice about the dream. Hey we all have our bad days right. I had yesterday off from work. Out of no ware my friend who is also my sponsor called me which is unusual because he knows I work nights and usually we talk during the days or at the meetings on the weekends. He call to let me know he had an family emergency and if I did not see him in the weekend don’t worry. In our conversation he ask how was I doing I said fine. I forgot about the dream so I didn’t mention it to him. So we ended our conversation and that was that. Fifteen minutes later he calls back and ask were I was. I said at home I took the rest of the week off. Why what’s up, he ask if every thing was ok I said yeah every thing is fine other that I had this stupid dream the other night. I did some dope and bought a gallon of gin, I was trying to be funny about it. So I went on and told him about the dream.
So we met up this morning and he ask me what is going on in my life lately. I said other then financial problems which you know about every thing else is fine. I told him that I was trying to sell some commercial cleaning equipment that I have in my garage. He ask were did you get all this equipment. At one time I own a cleaning company with and old friend. When did you decide to sell the equipment, I said the other day. What happen to you and your friend and the company. We had a misunderstanding so we dissolve the company and he went his way and I went mine. How did you end up with all the equipment. Actually the equipment belongs to both of us, since I had the space in my garage we put the equipment there. Did you tell your friend you are selling the equipment. No I haven’t heard from him in over seven years.
When you did your inventory did you put any of this down. No. Think about it the same day you decide to sell the equipment that same night you have a relapse dream. Guilt kills. First you need to keep working on your inventory and then some how find your friend get humble and make amends and while you doing that let him know what your plans are with the equipment. The equipment you want to sell that also belongs to him.
Locked in my conscience was anger and resentment because of losing the company. When I decided to sell the equipment the guilt did set in and I rationalized the hole situation. I didn’t want to see it for what it really was. I been holding on to those feelings for to many years. Its time to let go. Thanks to my Twelve Step Program. My Sponsor who points out my character defects and who kicks me in my butt and knows exactly what I need.
Thank you SR for letting me share here.
And thanks for listening.
Ivan
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
TB- Sound's like you have a great sponser. I like what you said about guilt. So true. I
sometimes grapple with honesty, and I pay a price. Still learning,thank G*d. This disease can be really sneaky.
Thank's for your post.
Bless, Trish
sometimes grapple with honesty, and I pay a price. Still learning,thank G*d. This disease can be really sneaky.
Thank's for your post.
Bless, Trish
Miss Behavin'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: regina,saskatchewan
Posts: 966
wow Ivan. I never thought of dreams having meaning like that. I'm so happy for you that you have a great sponsor!!!!
Like Carol said...powerful share...!!!!
thank you
hugs & hugs, Wendy
Like Carol said...powerful share...!!!!
thank you
hugs & hugs, Wendy
The truth shall set you free
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
CarolC
Miraclen2003 (((( Trish ))))
I AM tj
Time4change
Wantneeda
Thanks for all your thoughts.
After an eye opening experience a couple days ago. I decided to re-visit my inventory and go through it and read it over again. Wish me luck.
Ivan
Miraclen2003 (((( Trish ))))
I AM tj
Time4change
Wantneeda
Thanks for all your thoughts.
After an eye opening experience a couple days ago. I decided to re-visit my inventory and go through it and read it over again. Wish me luck.
Ivan
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