Old Behavior Blues...
 

I have done something that I am not very proud of. I dont want to get too specific about it on the interenet,it has something to do with my ex husband and money. I was dishonest by ommission ( one of my favorite defects ) I thought I was working my program and was being honest, but I managed to rationalize it and now have remorse that is making me feel kind of sick. The way I see it, is either I am going toward a drink or away from one. I have been putting off my defect list and this just shows me that I pay a price when I put off my steps and maybe worse, so do others. I am ashamed of myself. Self will = no good ! Talking to my sponser after the fact= no good! I need to make an amend and get right with HP. Maybe I should be posting this in the AA forum,but I have always been comfortable on Newcomer's. There's more work to be done!! :feedback:

Okay well...without knowing the details...it sounds like you're remorseful about your misdeeds. Admitting guilt is the first step. Time heals all things. Hope you're feeling better and let us know how you're doing.
Val

Check
 

with your sponsor before you do amends.
Tip...

You might want to write down what you want to say and then burn the paper.

Sobriety is the way to live...keep going forward. :wink3:

Thank's. I did talk to the sponser and I have made amends about it. I guess what surprises me is how fast i can go back.I know I am not perfect and am never going to be,but the " I am a bad person" feelings I can live without today. I guess I am looking for reassurance and other's experience with old behavior in sobriety. I know if I dont catch myself, eventually old behavior will take me back out. Relapse for me,always starts in my head and in my actions, weeks before picking up.

hey trish,

try not to be to hard on yourself for dong an alchy's thing, you caught it hun, even if it was after the fact, and you've said ammends werre made!

tht is what this is all about, GROWTH! and what you've posted here is definitely growth.

best thing i see here is that it's not old behavior's if i am still doing it, but by seeing it and taking steps to ammend it i can make it an old behavior.

thanks kid!

Yea, What he said!!!
(((Trish)))
Looks to me like your recovery is still going strong! :hug:
Shalom!

((((Trish))))

Isn't recovery great. When we were using we didn't care who we hurt or lied to.

Take care Trish, sending hugs & prayers your way.

Hi Trish
Please don't be discouraged; this is merely a bump in the road. The best amends you could ever make (in my opinion) is not to repeat the behaviour. Progress, honey. Your posts have helped me so many times, and your recovery is stronger than you think! Hang in there and keep moving forward!
Love Rowan

Thank you
 

I am feeling a bit better today. I really appreciate the support.

Bingo!
 

A TWO-WAY STREET

If we ask, God will certainly forgive our derelictions. But in no case does
He render us white as snow and keep us that way without our cooperation.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65

When I prayed, I used to omit a lot of things for which I needed to be
forgiven. I thought that if I didn't mention those things to God, He would
never know about them. I did not know that if I had just forgiven myself
for some of my past deeds, God would forgive me also. I was always taught
to prepare for the journey through life, never realizing until I came to
A.A. when I honestly became willing to be taught forgiveness and forgiving
that life itself is the journey. The journey of life is a very happy one,
as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility.

Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

Thanks for sharing, Trish. It reminds me that I am not the only one who makes mistakes in this life. Glad you are feeling better.

Hugs--

Good for you for stopping old behaviors that may have lead into dangerous territiories. You made amends, you did your part. Now, forgive yourself and move on. Live and learn and try to do your best. That's all we can do. Your a good person. Don't continue to beat yourself up. I'm glad you're feeling better today. See...things do get better with time.

((((Trish))))