almost 1 year clean / feeling "triggered"
 

hey everyone -

on july 19 i will have one year continuous cleantime... Thanks to God, the twelve steps, and God...(again...)

Im feeling triggered to use just now -

in the 12x12, step 11 - the prayer of st francis - im recalling the line in that prayer - "lord grant that i may seek - to understand -(rather)than be understood..."

im spinning in a connundrum of understood and understanding - with a S.O.

its frustrating -

God knows, i am grateful for the sobriety he has given me... He gave me the gift of powerlessness, afterall... And that is the basis of my recovery...not fear. (at least i keep telling myself not fear, especially when fear pps up!)

Sometimes i do not want to feel what i am feeling "right now" Im saying that i want to feel different then i feel now - and my addiction says "hey - remember me..im still here...you want instant releif?"

Im not GOING to use now,

but the thought is in my head... and i'm in my head...

Well

buddy hit as many meetings as you can. I slump off due to family outings once in a while. When, I get edgy, I know where I'm supposed to be. I'll go to 7 meetings a week before and after to get a sigh of relief to pick up that coin.

Going to meetings puts us in touch with everyone going thru the same thing we are. I consider us the normal ones. We know we have a problem and our dealing with it. The people with out a program go thru life miserable. Thank goodness we don't have to be like that:)

LOL the frist year is easy it's the ones after that that are hard;)

((((Aaron))))

Love and hugs,
Eddie :brain

thanks chris - i know i need those meetings now, too... My new homegroup meets tomorrow at 7pm... i wonder where i can find an earlier meeting, tomorrow - (new meaning to a meeting before the meeting...)

thanks for the hugs eddie!

(((you both)))

:)

-aaron

Do you guys beleive that we are more succeptable to relapsing right around recovery anniversaries??

Last thing i need now is to use that as a permission slip to get blasted....

anyways, getting tuned up ISN't the answer to my dilema - it wont help me be understood, or understand, or to escape from the spiral of communication, or self knowledge, or whatever is going on - And relapsing certianly wont HELP my RECOVERY...LOL

Yes I have heard that but ....IMO

People relapse because they want to drink/use more than they want to stay quit.

When you feel antsy... get busy with service work.
Works great for me! :bananadan

Blessings Aaron

:tongue1:

Antsy! Yup!!!!!!!!!

why would an aardvark be antsy???

one is too many and 1000 never enuff!

Thank you for the laugh, the blessings and the suggestion! I'll look in to someservice work at the meeting tomorrow...

G'nite SR - and i'm grateful for another 24 hours clean -

-aaaron

It's no different, after a year away.
This 24. Make it, free.

I got pretty antsy around my one year anniversary. I think that is pretty common, but it is definitely not a reason to use. Stay extra close to your program--and finding some service work is good too. In the meantime, try to remember to be grateful for all you have accomplished in the past year, and for all that you have. I know an attitude of gratitude almost always helps me.

Hang in there--one day at a time!

Hugs--

:lmao

:yup: Gratitude and service work help me alot, too!

Love and hugs,
Eddie :brain