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Old 07-05-2005, 06:39 PM
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everything is already ok
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Puzzled

A close freind phoned me this morning and indirectly asked if I had started drinking again. I said no and asked why they thought that. He said that my behaviour seemed to be the same as usual, by that he means; not keeping to arrangements, being a bit of a recluse and a few other smaller things.

I have been thinking about it and while I can justify the above, I think he may be right. That is my patterns of behaviour are similiar and in some cases the patterns go back decades. What do you think?

nogard
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Old 07-05-2005, 06:42 PM
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Chy
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My mom asked me the same once. I just think it's very hard to break old routines and habits, it takes a lot of time being able to reform the mold! All that matters is your sober, it all comes with time! Are you happy, healthy, content? That's all that should matter. Just a thought, some envy our sobriety.
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Old 07-05-2005, 06:46 PM
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Thanks very much Chy I knew this was the place to ask. I am happy (happier than I have been for decades), healthy and sometimes content. I get ahead of myself (impatient) and I needed to hear that it takes time as I need to focus on my sobriety.


Envy my sobriety? Why on earth would anyone do that?

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Old 07-05-2005, 07:25 PM
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Old habits are tuff to break, yeah. Quite often, we & others outside the program associate patterned behaviors with drug use.

• Isolation
• Lethargy
• Mood Swings
• Antisociality

As long as you're sober, like Chy says, not much else matters. It's too easy to slip into a "dry drunk" phase, where that "stinkin thinkin" creeps back. Beat it down with a stick if you have to.

It may surprise (or even shock) certain people to know I haven't been to a meeting in over 1.5 years. I'll still stone cold sober--defiantly.

I do spend a lot of time on bulletin boards such as this. Helping other get sober & stay sober help me do the same.
 
Old 07-05-2005, 07:43 PM
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yeap, it dosn't happen over night.
First things first.
Don't put the cart before the horse.

I don't envy anybody...but at one piont in my life,
I couldn't stay clean and sober no matter how much I tried.
I don't choose to be an alcoholic.
I wish I could drink like the rest of the world, but it's not the case.
I had to hit bottom and live thur hell just to get to that piont.
Not in a million years,did I considered myself to be an alcoholic.

Being sober is the most important thing in my life.
Without sobriety I have nothing.
Even if I did, I would eventually destroy or loose it, if I wasn't sober.
My track record shows.

This is not an instent fix, as my behavoirs as before.

I'm a sick person trying to get will.
Staying clean and sober and working the 12 steps is the hardest
thing I've done in my life. Thank you God there's help
and I don't have to do it alone.
I strive to be a better person as best I could each day.
Looking, feeling, living life squarely in the face ain't easy.
On somedays I can accomplish much and be a nice guy.
On other days the best I could do is not drink...and those would be
the most challeging days.lol
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Old 07-05-2005, 08:42 PM
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Relapse

Hi NOGARD, a relapse dosen't start when we pick up that 1st drink. For most of us it starts long before. We're in a program of change. When we change people places and things that'a start. When we change our attitudes and behaviors that's a big step toward sobriety. If someone close to you sees you slipping into old behaviors, attitudes etc. that's big red flag that something is going wrong and if continued will probably lead to that 1st drink.
Sounds like you have a good friend to point some of this stuff to you. Do a sincere 10th step and see what you think. Are you acting the way you did before you got clean and sober? Is your Higher Power still in your life and are you practising your principles in all your affairs. Not keeeping commitments, isolating, other small things(to you) just might be the 1st steps toward that slippery slope. In your heart go back to when you were completely sober with no or little compulsion, when you felt spiritually fit, when no one was commenting on your flaws but complimenting you on your progress. We strive for progress not perfection. Could be you're just getting a little lazy and God knows I've been there. Not making meetings, not praying the way I once did and should have been, not keeping in touch with my sponsor....led me to relapse. I'm human. Sobriety is something I have to work at every day and try to live in all my affairs. I hope when you read this you're able to say to yourself that you're OK. My prayers are with you. God bless.
Jack
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:34 PM
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Thanks Midas, Jim and nutz. I have had a close look and I know in my heart that what I am doing is the same as it was on day one and my routine to me is very different. In any event, this has made me look closer and I will continue to look, maybe I needed that reminder, sobriety first.

What I did discover today is that I have a lot of anger from the past, I will put some energy into dissapating that so that it does not get aimed at myself or anyone close to me.

Still celebrating today sober.

nogard
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Old 07-06-2005, 07:29 AM
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nogard,
I don't think I've ever mentioned this to you before, but have you considered going to meetings? Having a support network is how I have stayed sober these past nine hundred twenty-something days (lol). Maybe you need one, too? Just a suggestion. Could get you out of that reclusiveness.

Love and hugs always,
Eddie
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Old 07-06-2005, 01:28 PM
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Thanks eddie, I am considering it and have been talking to AA members, I have a list of meetings for the next few days.

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Old 07-06-2005, 01:53 PM
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Cool! SR member justme57/Lee goes to AA in Melbourne, I think. And SR member struggler lives in Melbourne, too. There may be some others I'm forgetting. Let us know what you decide of course.

Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 07-07-2005, 03:08 AM
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Today (Day 47) I went to my first meeting in Central Melbourne at 12:30pm. They call it the 'Gallery' meeting. I sat at the back and listened to all the speakers. It made a big difference to hear others share their stories and experience. Of course some where more relevant to me than others but the point is it made a difference. I am going tomorrow and I bought a booklet of all the meetings in Melbourne.

So JustMe, if your in the city at 12:30pm

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Old 07-07-2005, 03:19 AM
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That's great news, nogard. Also, I wanted to mention it's a huge advantage to have a friend outside the program to watch for any possible telltale signs of a relapse. Kudos goes to your friend.

For your first meeting, it sounds like it was a good one!! A speaker meeting no less. Right ON!


~Midas~
 
Old 07-07-2005, 03:23 AM
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Thanks Midas and yes he is a great friend, I am fortunate

nogard (one of the miracles in this room)
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Old 07-07-2005, 08:01 AM
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That is just SUPER news, nogard! I'm so glad you liked it. Let us know how the next one is, too!

Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:56 AM
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Didn't get to one today but in the morning I am going to check out the local meetings and if there is one on Sat or Sun I am going.


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Old 07-08-2005, 08:31 AM
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Gosh, it's already Saturday there, isn't it? Just barely, though, as I write this. I am really excited about you going to meetings, nogard!

Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:37 PM
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Thanks eddie, I am too. I am excited about life in General. Here is part of an email from my Manager on one of the projects I am working on, its such a thril and this was only possible because I am sober fresh and alert:

"...... Good stuff Kevin. Well done for all that work. I am very pleased with your approach to this, work ethic and the fact that you can operate very well on your own. Thanks so much for everything, I really appreciate it. See you on Monday......."

And I get paid for doing the work ANd I love doing it. Oooooh life its beautiful

And its Day 49 today, seven weeks. I am content.

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Old 07-08-2005, 02:47 PM
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Congratulations, nogard, or should I say Kevin?!?! That is an awesome message. I bet you're just giddy, huh? That is just too great! Aren't you up early for a Saturday?

Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 07-08-2005, 02:56 PM
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Thanks eddie, you can say either Yep I get up early every day, especially at the weekends these days, I don't want to miss a second. As I live in the country I also tend to go to bed quite early as well.


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Old 07-08-2005, 03:00 PM
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I'm just the opposite, at least lately. Go to bed late, get up late. And weekends are no different for me. I hope this will all be changing soon, though, as I really want to go back to work!

Love and hugs,
Eddie
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