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Don't Know What To Do =-\

Old 06-18-2005, 08:09 AM
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Don't Know What To Do =-\

Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a while and I ran into a little problem last night so I figured I'd see if anyone has any suggestions. My recovery is going REALLY good thanks to everyone on here and people at my NA meetings! I'll have my 30 days tomorrow!!!!!!! I want to say thanks to all the people on here for all your support and help on the tough days!!!

I went to an NA meeting last night and I have been seeing this guy around at a few of the meetings I go to and he seems really nice but have never really talked to him one on one before until last night. I was talking to a friend for a minute during our 10 minute break but she doesn't smoke and of course I had to get that one cig in before the break was over. HAHA! I went outside and I saw the guy and he came over and started talking to me. I had asked him how he was because I had noticed when he shared at a meeting earlier that week he was having a problem with something and we talked about that for a while. He noticed I drove and asked if maybe I could give him a ride to some meetings and I said sure. Anyway, to make a long story short after the meeting he was getting ready to leave with his ride *which was parked next to me* and as I was getting ready to pull away he was like can I have a ride home. I was thinking if he has a ride why does he need me to take him home but I said yes anyway even though I didn't understand why he needed a ride. He got in the car and explained that the other two guys who were taking him home were going down to the city and he didn't want to go...so that explained why he wanted a ride. On the way to his recovery house he made a comment like he knew I wasn't seeing anyone right now because one of the other girls in NA had told him. *Thinking wow great what else is this girl telling him* Then he proceeds to ask me how do I feel about a relationship right now and that I need someone in my life like that right now to help me. How would I feel if he were to ask me to go out with him to the movies and go on some dates. That we could help each other in recovery and that that type of relationship would be good for the both of us. At this point I am really feeling uncomfortable because I don't know what to say to him and I was just like I don't think at this point in my recovery that it would be a good idea and for every reason or excuse I had for not wanting to be in a relationship for he had a comment as to why it would be good. When I went to drop him off I noticed the car and the guys that were supposedly going to the city were at his recovery house when I pulled up. Then as he is getting out he asked for an "NA hug" so I gave him a hug and as I hugged him he leaned over to kiss me and I turned my head so he just got the side cheek. =-\ This guy is nice but is really not my type and besides that I have other things I need to worry about besides the added b*llsh*t that comes along with a relationship. Not only that everyone who has a good amount of clean time says you should wait a while before you get into a relationship. My problem is .... he has been around a little longer then me and knows a lot more people in NA then me and things tend to be a little clicky in NA. You notice at some meetings it's like high school a little there are certain clicks. LOL I really think that is sad and pathetic but that is life. I don't know how to let this guy down without coming off as being a b*tch. I tried to be nice last night about everything but he just didn't seem to be getting it. I don't want him to take anything the wrong way and then have him go back and tell people oh shes a b*tch and then people not talk to me at the meetings anymore. The only reason I am thinking that is because the other week something similar happened to someone else in NA and the person was really upset. I would go to other meetings to try to avoid seeing him as much but I work during the day and there are only a handful of meetings in my area that I can go to at night and he seems to be at most of them. The last thing I need right now is "drama" in NA. Anybody have any suggestions on how to handle this?
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Old 06-18-2005, 08:19 AM
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Wow Maria! Sounds like a tough situation. If this guy has been in recovery for a while, he should know better than to try to push a relationship on you. Sounds like you did the right thing, though, by being honest with him and letting him know how you felt about the situation. My only advice would be to keep doing what you are doing. Maybe make yourself a little bit "unavailable" when he might ask for rides or something. Perhaps if you put him off long enough he will get bored and find someone else to harass. Have you spoken with your sponsor? Best of luck. I am sure it will work out okay just as long as you keep doing the right thing!
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Old 06-18-2005, 08:19 AM
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It's real easy tell this guy your sponsor says you are not ready for that you need to concentrate on your recovery and you listen to your sponsor.

If you don't have one yet, get one, and in the meantime tell him your online sponsor (Me Laurie) said NOT YET you need to work on recovery.

PM me if you need to.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),
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Old 06-18-2005, 09:01 AM
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I had a sponser but I am thinking about switching because the one I have now just seems a little 2 busy. I have another lady that has almost 15 years clean and I am really considering switching and making her my sponser. I won't see her until my Tue. meeting but I guess I could always call her. I think I handled it pretty good but he still didn't seem to get it when I told him how I felt. He only has 60 some odd days clean but he has been in recovery before the last time he had 3 years so you think he would know better but obviously not. UHHHHH I always tend to put myself in some type of situation that always back fires. He has called three times already today(it's only 12) and I haven't picked up my phone. I feel bad for not picking up the phone and I'm not sure if that is the right thing to do but I just don't know what to say to him if he starts talking about relationships again.
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Old 06-18-2005, 10:21 AM
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*disclaimer...i've never been in a program, but I think I understand the dynamics in general*

Hmmm....personally I would be up front with him and say that both you AND your sponsor think a relationship is NOT an option. He was 'poaching the newbie', which is both irresponsible and dangerous. I would not want to put someone in a position where they are more prone to relapse, but he may not 'see it that way'. It was a setup because 'his ride' was at their normal spot....where they have been man times before. I'd keep my distance, and keep an eye out for the next newbie who comes in....because you know he'll pull that setup again.

-pedagogue
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Old 06-18-2005, 10:52 AM
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Hey, I didn't think you'd tell everyone here about my smooth move LOL

Congrats on the month!

I have no useful advice for ya story there (I have some ideas, though I'll send them PM cause someone might not like "Run him over in the parking lot" as a suitable course of action). Regardless of he's in NA or not, he just strikes me as more than just a little creepy and nothing less than a complication right now

Check out the master of the blindingly obvious here

- Greg
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Old 06-19-2005, 08:22 AM
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Thanks @ LuLu70... I think if I keep doing what I'm doing he will eventually get it....HOPEFULLY!!

Laurie6781~~~ I took your advice and told him both my sponser and online sponser said that a relationship is not an option right now. He even had a come back for that one .... he said well that means you are def. interested in me it is just bad timing. He said you don't have to answer that because I already know you are if you were talking to your sponser about a relationship with me. CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM?!! Someone is a little cocky & has some what of a big ego...don't ya think lol ? LOL If he only knew I have NOOOOO interests in him like that AT ALL.

Pedagogue - Yeah, I agree with you about him trying it with another newbie. I'll have to keep a look out and warn them!

2tough2die - LMAO You are such a nut but I luv it! You always make me laugh!! YES HE IS STARTING TO CREEP ME OUT JUST A LITTLE LOL!! LOL I have an idea ....how about you run him over for me.

Only one phone call today and it was very short....so maybe he is getting the hint.
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Old 06-19-2005, 09:21 AM
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Reading this thread makes me understand why it is driven so hard "Men with Men and Women with Women" at meetings. There are alot of predators out there. Sad.
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