I have done a terrible thing...
 

Hi there. I am new here and came here because I hope to hear from others in my situation. I have done something so awful and the regret and shame is setting in now. I am 36 weeks pregnant and have had a lot to drink throughout this pregnancy. I told myself that I wouldn't and as each week went by I told myself the same thing over again. I won't drink this week. I have had at least two glasses of wine per week throughout this entire pregnancy, mostly at the same time on a Friday or Saturday night. I have had two binge episodes, one at 17 weeks and one at 33 weeks. On vacation at 33 weeks, I drank 2 glasses of wine a night for 4 nights in a row and had one night where I had four glasses. I don't know why or how I justified this to be OK. I am educated on the effects of alcohol to an unborn fetus. I know what I am doing and yet I don't stop. I can't make sense of it. I am so regretful now. I have ruined another life. This baby will be so limited and it will be because of me and my actions. How will I live with that?

I am very anxious to hear stories of others who are or have been in my situation. I am not looking for lectures, sympathy, or sentiments that everything will be OK. I just want to hear real stories. I want to hear real stories from women who have been through this and how they managed to live with themselves. I am so fearful right now.

Thanks in advance for your support and your stories.

Welcome to SR Nohope. I understand your fear, been there and done that twice! When I was pregnant with my first child I didn't want to stop what I was doing. I kept drinking and drugging. At about 7 months I got scared for some reason and went to the dr and told him what I had been doing. By the grace of God, she came out ok. Should of learned there. Did the same with the second because the first was ok. This time my son has some learning problems but nothing to drastically alter his quality of life. I feel very lucky. Still to this day I feel guilty but I had to move on.
Don't create the worst case to happen for you. Go to the doctor and tell him what you have been doing and take it from there. You may be worrying about something that hasn't happened. Good luck and we are here for you.

I don't want to say anything that will hurt you I do not have any personal experience with drinking while pregnant. However it is not written in stone that your child will be abnormal. I have seen babies born to women who drank that did have fetal alcohol syndrome and those that did not.

I want to encourage you to get help for your drinking now. Surely you will be able to take better care of yourself and the baby if you get help to quit drinking. You can do that anytime you are ready....

Honestly, I think your baby will be okay. Though any amount of alcohol should be avoided I don't think the quantities you drank, if in fact that is the amount you drank will cause any damage. Before we knew of the effects of alchohol women would be able to safely drink one or two glasses of wine a few times a week.

If really concerned you should discuss it with your doctor though. I was 3 months pregnant with my first child before I knew, I was a beer drinker and consumed a heck of a lot more than what you describe at about 6 months I overdid it at a party, now this was before we knew alcohol was tabu with pregnancy. With my son there was two occassion in early pregnancy I drank about 4 beers on one occassion and 6 on the other. I most certainly DO NOT condone this behavior, call me young and stupid at the time. Both my children are just fine, both honor roll students, healthy, and have never had any major child hood illness or problems, except chicken pox. So though I would use your fear and learn from it and absolutly 100% abstain from this point on, I don't think you've caused any major harm but only your doctor can answer for sure.

Thanks so much for your response. I was a pretty heavy drinker prior to getting pregnant the first time. With my son, I took the opportunity to stop. I think I had a glass of wine while out to dinner maybe once a month. I felt good, I looked good, and after the baby came, I was so overjoyed with my new life that I didn't even feel like going back to heavy drinking. But after about a year, I fell back into my bad habits. Never got quite as bad as before but I was on my way. I was thrilled to be pregnant again becuase I was looking forward to the excuse to stop drinking and feel good again. It just hasn't happened the way I hoped it would. I think every single day about how I can't wait to have this baby so I can have a real drink - something with Vodka in it.

I am so ashamed I just can't bring myself to tell my doctor. I know I need to and I tell myself I will at every visit. Then I hear the heartbeat, get the OK on growth and weight gain, and I just don't say anything.

I will be so thankful if nothing is wrong with my baby. I have to do better in my life. I really do. It is hard to make a huge change. I will have a toddler and an infant to take care of. I hope that jerks me in the right direction.

Thanks for your response. My father is an alcoholic and I hate watching myself follow in his footsteps. He has been in AA - going for years to my knowledge. But he is not sober. Now he just hides it better. I guess I see him failing and I fear I will do the same. I know I need to make changes in my life. I need to be able to take care of a toddler and an infant and make a good life for my children.

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I was there to Hope. I thought pregnancy would do it for me to. I felt good, was happy and by the grace of my HP I was able to abstain from the point on I described above. I hope you'll get some help, I can tell you now, it is just going to continue and that's when something truly horrible could happen if your drunk.

I will tell you this though, my daughter now 23 and son now 14 are as I mentioned healthy in all respects. HOWEVER, there has been times when my daughter or son have done idiotic irresponsible things that make no sense. I know it's because of just who they are and their unique personalities, but ya know what I always wonder, always, always and can't help but not to do so wonder if their peculiar choices, behavior was because I drank during pregnancy and as they grew up.

It's something I will live with all my life.

NoHope, I believe there is always hope even when I dont believe there is hope. The very fact that you have started this thread makes me feel hope. Two things I hope you do now
1. stop drinking now.
2. see your be honest with your doctor about your drinking and get a prenatal check up now.
We all do things we are ashamed of. You have to take action now. It is not something that is just going to happen. You have to take the action to stop drinking now. If not for yourself then for the little one living in your womb. Thanks for being so honest starting this thread. Please stay with us. Many good people are here to help support you.

I think it's hard for us to really bond with the baby until they are a little bigger inside us...then it seems more real to feel the baby moving inside.

My adopted sister's biological mom drank in the early stages of pregnancy. She came out 5 pounds and has some learning disabilities. But she is healthy today...it just takes a little more work. I believe the mom drank tequilla until drunk and partied more than you did.

I think if you stop now ..the baby should be ok. But please ..stop now.

You could even invest in a juicer and start drinking fresh juice..and taking your pre-natal vitamins...and your baby will be healthy. And when your baby is born..breast feed. Do these things and that should help your baby have a better chance.

Best wishes to you and your baby..and your family.

if i can share...a close friend drank through her pregnancy and while i did have something to say i mostly was quiet about it. she has a beautiful 4 month old daughter who has fetal alchohol syndrom. look up some info on it next time you want to drink. you will always love your child no matter what but don't you want to give them the best you can? parenthood is about sacrifice i'm sure you know and i don't know you so i don't want to lecture i'm an addict myself. it's a Big responsibilty to be pregnant and it's difficult if you're not prepared. i hope and pray for the best you and your baby.

Wish you the best... but please QUIT while you're ahead!

I second all that's been said before and please try to stop drinking. Best of luck, all will be ok. :)

Hey there HOPE, I prefer to call you Hope rather than NO HOPE...
Check in, let us know how your doing? Love, Becky