tumnus

Hi,

I thought it time to introduce myself...

After struggling with 6 surgeries and severe endomtriosis for 8 years without pain medication, I broke down and tried it. Ah, and it worked in such a splendid way. After going through all the dilaudid and vicodin and percocet in my medicine cabinet that I had saved over the years, I went online. That was about 2 - 3 years ago. Since then, I've been on and off. Right now, I'm on.

I went to detox last march and then right off to grad school in another state, without ever really dealing with any of the reasons for my addiction. I thought I was fine. I thought I deserved pain medication after all my pain. In detox, I met crack and heroin addicts who warned me that they too started out with real pain issues. Ah, but I ignored them.

Well, here I am again, spending money I don't have on drugs I don't need. I need help and that's where I am.

What terrifies me most is that nothing, and I mean nothing has ever worked like this drug. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and ocd for 20 years and I've been on so many antidepressants and so much therapy with little, or very slow progress. Vicodin makes me calm, and takes away depression. I know I need to get off this drug but how do I say goodbye to something that has helped me when nothing else has?

Thanks for listening.

by the way, I'm female, 35 and in grad school for my MFA

CarolD

Glad you found us!

We have a Forum....Drug Addiction... you might want to check out.

I have no idea what to say...I am one of the SR/AA alcoholics.

Please stay around...

eddie z.

Me, too!!!! Opiates were my antidepressants for about 6 & 1/2 years. I also took "real" antidepressants during this time. Let me tell you, the addiction makes it impossible for the legit meds to do their job! It is so depressing to have to find ways and means to get more or to go through withdrawals that I don't think any med or combination could possibly treat me properly. BUT, since I got clean and joined NA, my doc and I have worked out a regimen that works wonderfully and I have been depression-free for almost a year now. This is after battling it, like you, for over twenty years!

I love your screen name! Do they have NA meetings in Narnia? lol. Well, I'm sure they have them in Ohio anyway, so check it out, OK? You'll be glad you did.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

tumnus

thanks for the kind words and hellos. I certainly need them right now.

eddie, ha! i'm sure they probably do have na meetings in narnia as they always keep serving that turkish delight!

your words give me hope that i can find some alternative to this opiate.

take care and thanks

jcw1964

tumnus,
Welcome, My wife is also in her mid thirties, successful, beautiful, smart and addicted to vicodin. You are not alone. She has tried on her own, she is 9 days clean waiting to get into outpatient treatment. She has been going to more meetings and it has helped identify her reasons for using. She has done some good soul searching and is digging up alot of issues. This site is great. So many wonderful people. Read some posts, get to some meetings and I look forward to seeing you around. Dont hesitate to get in touch with me if you have any questions.
Thanks
Jeff

eddie z.

:Lmao That's right! That's how the White Witch ensnared little what's-his-face!

You're welcome! I forgot to mention that I also take naltrexone which is an opiate blocker. It really helps with cravings and discourages me from being tempted to use, too. I would really encourage you to talk honestly with your physician to help you get through the withdrawals. There are various things, like clonidine, that can help, and then naltrexone can help you STAY clean.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

goneriding

Hi Tumnus:

I am also 35 yo female and prior hydrocodone addict. I took vicodin/norco/lortab (pretty much anything that contained hydrocodone) every day for 5 years. I have been clean for 1.5 years now and this site is what made it possible for me. You will find a lot of support here and PM me anytime you need to talk - I am typically online all day due to working from home. Take care of yourself.

JCW1964: My husband was a huge support for me and I could not have done it without his help as well. I took lots of long hot showers/baths in the beginning and I was told by a therapist that once you make it to 90 days - you typically will not relapse. So far so good. I also started on an anti-depressant that helped a lot, not recommending this - just letting you know that it worked wonders for me. She has already made tremendous progress with 9 days - that is fantastic! The physical withdrawl symptoms should have subsided by now, but the mental addiction is what took me a while to get over - I did and now I don't even think about them at all.

Renee

eddie z.

Thanks for sharing, Renee! And CONGRATULATIONS on a year and a half!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jcw1964

Thanks Renee,
I have tried to be supportive without enabling. She had made it to over 30 days but relapsed. She is learning with each relapse so I believe that she will be able to beat her addiction. It is a thin line between supportive and enabling.

She is also on a anti depressant. Sometimes it doesnt seem to help. She is going back to the doc next week.

Thanks again.
Jeff

lindaskyler

I just wanted to say hang in there, I was addicted to darvocet for several years, I got off them going thru detox at the hospital, I am sorry to say after 8 months I started using hydrocodone, the pain just wouldnt go away, and I thought I could handle the medication because I knew it could get you, now 3 years later I was up to 20-30 a day, and if I tried quiting I thought I was going to die, I lost my job, and I have been on suboxene for 2 1/2 weeks and it has been a great help, do I still want a pain pill, I sure do when the pain sets in but I grab some tylenol and try to get by. I also am going to group therapy every week,which is a good thing. My insurance runs out end of month , so I dont know from there, and also I have to ween myself off the suboxene, but it's been a blessing to me. Everyone has different opions I'm sure, but I know you can do it, I also have been on antidepressents for years, and the nurse explained that since I wasnt taking the hydrocodone the medicine would work a lot better, I sure didnt know that, and it was great to hear it confirmed here by someone who has been there. I am new to this site, but have learned a lot. Hang in there!

eddie z.

How true! How true! Thanks for sharing with us, Linda!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

michski

I have had addiction problems with Vicodin too. It was an agonizing withdrawel, both physical and emotionally. I was cross addicted with other drugs/booze and I ended up taking an anti depressant for one year and it helped alot.

Hang in there!

mickmc

Tumnus,

Your story is my story to a tee. I was addicted to Hydro/Oxycodone for about 3 years. It started off as minor back pain that could have been cured with Tylenol and ended up with me planning my day around the number of pills I would need.

I too found that nothing made me feel as good as those pills for they let me be the person I had only dreamed of being. I could talk to anyone and would become the life of the party so to speak. I knew I had a serious problem when I began looking in medicine cabinets of friends and family members even going so far as to replace pills with similar looking OTC drugs and telling myself that they really didn't need the Oxy anymore as they were feeling better.

Also, like you I have tryed several meds for depression that didn't seem to work, although I now realize that i never really gave them a chance.

After trying 4-5 times to stop I finally feel like this is it. As you know the first few days are the worst and this time I decided to get on a health/excercise program which have really help me get through the first 4 weeks of what I hope will be my last detox.

Keep posting and reading on SR as it can really help to know that you are not alone.

eddie z.

Good for you! When we use opiates, the body stops making endorphins and exercise helps us start to make them again, so exercise is an important part of starting to live without opiates.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

tumnus

ah, you guys have been just brilliant and so supportive. For this, I thank you. Your stories of recovery give me hope and boy do I need that right now.

In the last few days I have been quite honest with myself and I'm seeing, perhaps for the first time, just how large a problem this is for me. I feel that I'm on the brink of losing everything even though, at this time, I'm high functioning.

On a good note, I went to my first na meeting this morning since my last detox and called my insurance to see if going again is covered....it is. Now I just need to decide when to go.

thanks again and congrats on all the progress
tiff

eddie z.

Tiff,
You're welcome! And thanks for the update, too! That's great that you went to a meeting and are going to detox. When I went to treatment, the counselor that sent me said I should have been there "yesterday," so it's never too soon to go, but it can be too late, if you know what I mean. Let us know when you decide and keep in touch!

Love and hugs,
Eddie