sarahjangel1

Hi everyone. Yes I am up early on my only day off. That sucks. I got my meds switched yesterday. I am so happy. Also, I had a great day yesterday.It was the best day I have had in a long time.I find that when I don't let things get to me, I mean the little things, my day goes so much better. I had court yesterday..Whewwww.... I hate going, they make me go every 3 weeks. I guess I put myself in that situation. The only one to blame, is myself...I feel good this morning, although, it is early yet. I got alot of things off my chest and I feel lighter."AS WE REALIZE OUR NEED TO BE FORGIVEN, WE TEND TO BE MORE FORGIVING." BASIC TEXT P.38...Just for today...I will try to forgive, like my God has forgiven me....

sarahjangel1

I am feeling pretty good today.I am pretty tired.I haven't stayed up that late since I stopped using. We went to the race track yesterday. They had a fair going on. I bet on a couple of races and won like $14. I am not much of a gambler, never have been. Anyway it was alot of fun, and I got to get my mother out of the house. She couldn't resist the ponies..ha ha. No, the liquor didn't bother me at all. I didn't even think about it. I had a great time.I know that there will be days when it won't bother me & days when it will. Yesterday was a great day....peace is within reach for me today...

sarahjangel1

I guess I am back on the saddle again..meaning,back to work again....I had a pretty good day yesterday. Watched a move with mom &boyfriend and went to a meeting...I am also going to group therapy. I really like the counselors there,. They have really been helping me, alot. I reccommend it to everyone. It makes me feel like my problems are minute compared to everyone elses'....just like a meeting. I do have a problem though. I have been going to my home group for some time now, and it has really changed, almost overnight. One week it was my old group, the next week, it was a different group. I really don't like the way that it is done, now...I don't know what to do...but today I will pray about it, that always fixes it....just for today...

sarahjangel1

You know, at first, it was very hard for me to trust in anyone.For so many years I didn't trust a soul.I guess that is what happens when you get raped repeatedly by your father for years, as a very young child.So, turning my will & my life over to my God was very hard at first. But then I realized that I hadn't been doing a good job at all. "It is better to trust God then to put confidence in people." Psalm 118:8... And Glod said, "I will never fail you,I will never forsake you."Hebrews 13:5. I know I can't make it alone, I can stop hurting if I turn my will and my life over to Someone who is really able to care for my needs.

sarahjangel1

Everyday I think about the day before, and reflect. Was I as good as I intended to be? Did I live as my God wants me to? Did I make amends to those people I needed to? Were my attitude and decisions made, right? Its very important for me to do the right thing, the best I can, everyday. Yesterday was a good day for me. But there are days where I make alot of mistakes.It's okay though, we all make mistakes. But the point we have to remember, is reflecting and growing from them. If we don't learn from them, we will keep making them.My old counselor use to say ,"Do your thing in a positive manner and positive results will follow."....so, just for today,....I will, TRY....

sarahjangel1

:hello "We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves" Mark Twain...

You know, sometimes, I am so hard on myself.I am my worst critic. There's nothing I can do - good enough. At least that is how I use to feel. Today,I try, to think of myself better.After every hill I have been up & down, since I have been clean, I try to give myself the benefit of doing the right thing - for the right reason. Now, I am proud of myself, when I accomplish the goals I set.Of course, it took alot of work..but today I will try to be,and think I am, successful...so if you haven't patted yourself on the back, lately...reach around and pat, & think about the things you accomplished today...just for today...

sarahjangel1

Good morning world...I am writing on here late, today. Yesterday was such a long day,that, I am so tired today. It seem like yesterday just flew by,even though it was so long. Today I am going to talk to my therapist. She is really nice. I am so glad that I feel so comfortable with her. Every therapist I have ever seen has been a woman. Isn't that weird? I usually don't like women doctors.Its funny how my perspective has changed so much...I feel good today, inside I mean. I don't think I have felt this good in a long time....Just for today....I will show the world how good I feel about myself....

sarahjangel1

"I do not understand my own actions.For I do not do what I want,but I do the very thing I hate."

St.Paul
In group therapy,yesterday, we were talking about the very same thing. If we do what we are comfortable with, we will never stop using..at first, it is very uncomfortable to stay clean,for me. I didn't know anything else, for the last 20 years. So everything I knew I had to throw out the window. Today I have to concentrate on, what is right, not necesssarily what is comfortable. Its not easy, being aware at all times, that the comfortable is not always the right thing for me anymore. So today, I stand proud to know, that it is going to be a good day knowing all I have to do - is the right thing, for the right reasons....

sarahjangel1

:shysmile: "Facing it,always facing it, that's the way you get through. Face it."

-Joseph Conrad
I know, for me, I had alot of things I had and have to face, by getting clean. There is so much to deal with, because I hadn't dealt with anything for years. It was as almost a dam broke and the water was being flushed in by the gallon. At first it was very hard coping with everything all of a sudden. Today I take one problem at a time. I can't fix my life in an instant. There is no instant gratification for me anymore. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed. But today I choose to live, and that requires me to face the demons. I have only but one choice, to live sober. So whatever hill I have to climb, I will climb it with determination and eventually reach the top....

sarahjangel1

'Potential just means you ain't done it yet.'- Daryl Royal,football coach,UofT

I think we all have potential to make good or bad, of our life. Its all about free will....my mother used to say; if you have the will,there is a way....we all have the power to make anything of our lives,whatever we choose....what are your choices today, for a beautiful life????

Cathy31

Thanks Sarah, this thread means a huge amount. THank you!
CAthy31
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sarahjangel1

Cathy, you have no idea how much you have helped me.....One addict helping another addict is without parrell....

Chapter 3:1-8 Ecclesiastes

There is a time for everything,a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.Atime to tear down and a time to rebuild.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.....

sarahjangel1

Sometimes I ask myself, what the hell am I doing? I reflect on how my life is, rather than how I thought it would be....I never thought I had this much courage. I thought I would be sad all my life. Like I had been for so long. I thought that was "normal"...than I ask myself, what exactly is normal? Is it something I create, or is it what everyone else is doing?

normal:conforming with an accepted standard or norm;natural,usual
We all want to be like everyone else, but why? God created everyone differently, and therefore, there is no normal....so why try and be something that just isn't? Today, I know I am not like everyone else...I have different needs, wants, and desires than the 'normal' person. I know God didn't make me to suffer with the disease of addiction, He wants me to grow, learn, and teach about this disease. Maybe my worst curse, can turn out to be the best blessing....

sarahjangel1

I am back!!!!!!!

sarahjangel1

It is so nice to finally be back. You have no idea how much I have missed everyone here. And also, being able to write on here is such great therapy....it is nice to be home again...hi, everyone, I have missed you...

Cathy31

Sarah
It's great to see you again
love
cathy31
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