:wiggle: Today I did something that probably everyone here has done before. I bought new curtains for my bedroom. I have many defects, and every day , every time, I make a mistake...I ask for forgiveness...anyway, I put new curtains up in my room. I know, to you, it must seem petty. But for me, I feel blessed..does that make any sense??? See, today I think a little differently. I am thankful..are you?:wave:

:ilu Someone asked in one of the other threads: When is it going to be over? My answer is: recovery is what you make it, it could be the best experience of your life or you could be a dry drunk/addict. We are not responsible for anything, as much, as we are responsible for our recovery. If changes aren't made within yourself, then you really haven't begun to recover. Insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over, and expecting a different result.The first step we need to take is surrendering to a Higher Power,admitting that we are powerless, and deciding we need to change. So everyday, change will come, with or without you,and it is up to you to change for the good or bad? I once told a skeptic, at a meeting, that if he was very serious about not using again, he would do whatever was suggested to stay clean. If someone told me to stand on my head, I would have...I will do whatever it takes to stay clean....WILL YOU?:wave:

Today...
 

:31:

:clown: Today, ... hi..... I'm doing okay...hurting,badly..but I will get thru it..just for today...I know I didn't write yesterday..I really needed to, but everything was so kaotic...Thursday I went out with a recovery friend, to ride horses. It was the first time since I relapsed. I use to ride all the time. I needed a friend to talk to, and he was there...my best friend. See, the fellowship of NA is what will save your life..we are all the same at these tables..when I sit down at a meeting, I feel an instant peace...how have you found the peace inside of you? It's yearning to come out..be the person you have always dreamed of and get a little peace...:wave:

Get a recovery bible.....
 

:feedback: In this world, especially in recovery, we encounter "many trials & sorrows", many of them beyond our control. These can be endured with God's help. On the other hand, some of our suffering is self -inflicted and can be avoided. In such situaltions, God still offers us peace as we muster the courage to make needed changes in our life. God's forgiveness and loving acceptance can give us peace as we face all of our trials and sorrows. God's power can lead us through recovery; he has already overcome all the obstacles that stand in our way!
Read John 16:33 It says: "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world".:wave:

Step 1/The Paradox of Powerlessness
 

Bible Reading: 2 Corinthians 4:7-10
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies--that our life had become unmanageable

We may be afraid to admit that we are powerless and that our life is unmanageable. If we admit that we are powerless, won't we be tempted to give up completely in the struggle against our addiction? It doesn't seem to make sense that we can admit powerlessness and still find the power to go on. This paradox will be dealt with as we go on.

Life is full of paradoxes. The apostle Paul tells us, "This precious treasure---this light and power that now shine within us---is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken."

The picture here contrasts a precious treasure and the simple container in which the treasure is stored. The living power poured into our life from above is the treasure. Our human body, with all its flaws and weaknesses, is the perishable container. As human beings, we are imperfect.

Once we recognize the paradox of powerlessness, we can quite relieved. We don't have to always be strong or pretend to be perfect. We can live a real life, with its daily struggles, in a human body beset with weakness and still find the power from above to keep going without being crushed and broken.

You asked for feedback and I am here to oblige, just a few words to identify what, who, and where.


Just for Today------------------I am Clean and Sober

Pernell

Thanks for the feedback. Sometimes I wonder, is there anyone there? I know it to be true, yes there is....:wiggle:

Just a thought...
 

:33: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable." 12/12...

Who cares to admit complete defeat? Admission of powerlessness is the first step in liberation. Relation of humility ---> sobriety. Mental obsession plus physical allergy. Why must every AA hit bottom? 12/12...

I know, I know. Everyone's bottom is different? I hear that around the tables all the time.But is it? I mean, isn't a bottom when you have lost all powerlessness and managability in your life? It isn't how you got there, you just got there, right? Then the next step, when you figure that out, is surrender,right? I am no different than anyone else at the tables, and the faster one learns that, the better they are. I was in complete defeat...I did, everything, and anything, for that next high....so, what did you do? It's not where you were that counts, it is where you want to go from here....:wave:

:amen Today I am going to talk about my Higher Power. I know alot of people get scared about talking about it.But don't be. Even when I was in my addictions, I felt deep inside that there was something there. In my deepest thoughts I knew, didn't want to admit it though, that there was a much bigger force than I've ever known helping me. Today I know that to be God. He was always protecting me. The times that something bad happened, it was only because I did my will, not His. We have the choice, to be good or bad. God can't help us, if we don't help ourselves. "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems." AA Big Book p.42

For most cases, there is virtually no other solution but: " We, at certain times have no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." AA Bib Book p.43:wave:

:vgToday I will remember that all of the change I am going through is stressful and that I need to take particularly good care of myself in these recovery months or years. I will simplify my life and make my day manageable, letting go of what does not really need to be accomplished and doing the basics. I need time to process the changes taking place inside of me, empty, quiet time just to watch the clouds float by. I will do things that feel particularly good to me whatever they are, and I will eat well and excercise. These are challenging days, so I'll learn to be good to myself. I fill my tank, before I empty it....

Do not make yourself low; people will tread on your head.. Yiddish proverb:wave:

:shysmile: If I am humble enough to know that I can do little by myself to change a situation, if I have enough faith to ask God to givre me the power I need, and if I am grateful enough for the grace He gives me, I can "move moutains." I pray that I may have enough faith to make me really effective. I pray that I may learn to depend less on myself and others, and more to God.:wave:

:enough People kept telling me to change. I thought I knew everything, even that I wasn't sick. I wasn't used to being myself, I was always pretending, throughout my whole life. I hated myself, I thought I wasn't worth a dime, ever since my father raped me all those years. The beginning of change, for me, was to be myself. Hell, I really didn't know what myself was..and the truth is, at the time, I hated myself. As the days in sobriety grew, I started learning the most important lesson of all. Which was, at those tables, the people , my brothers & sisters in the program, I was just confused, I really did matter. I really was a good person and people did love me for who I am. I had to put everything out there, in order to keep my soul, my sobriety. My faith. It wasn't easy, and still isn't, sometimes. But the more I put out there, the better I feel. I just wanted to belong, to feel human. I want to love, and be loved. The reality is, I just wanted to be comfortable in my skin. What I have found out, since that first step is, that it becomes easier and easier to love myself...I am not at fault, for all that has happened to me, it was all the result of a very sick man that took advantage of a very young child....Today, I feel okay...I am beginning to feel alive, to love myself is a new feeling for me....I have many steps to go...I'll just take it - one step at a time & keep coming back...

:slaphappy In the fellowship, sometimes we run across people that don't believe in a Higher Power. For me, I do believe in God. That's my choice, and you have yours. That is what makes this fellowship wonderful. You see all sorts of people and beliefs, and it's great to see no conflict. So many people the same. So, you could think of the fellowship as a Higher Power. It even says it in the literature.NA basic text p.22-24. Although, I believe in God, it takes action to prove. If you arent completely powerless,usefulless, and helpless, any power isn't going to help you, no matter how strong...when I entered the program, this time, I was all of the above...I surrendered,I am trying to do and be better, and living just for today....it sounds so simple, to surrender to a Higher Power...the only way it can be done, is with your will....today, God is going to help me to stay clean, I am going to surrender to Him, and I am going to use the group as my other Higher Power..because only one addict can best understand another addict....just for today...my thoughts will be on my recovery.....:wave:

:feedback: Today as I sit here, I wonder about my feelings.How do I really feel, about anything? These days I am learning how to feel again.What do I mean, again? I don't think I have ever really felt, except for the bad feelings. Ever since I was young, I have always kept my feelings inside. I was a great pretender. Today I am trying to learn how to feel. Learn what makes me happy, joyful, and peaceful.I know I have a long way to go, but I have still come so far. I can feel today, and not hold it back. Today I am not afraid anymore to look in the mirror and love the person that is starring back at me. Some days it is so hard..and I make mistakes, alot of them...but today I am trying to face, myself.................."we covered low self-esteem by hiding behind phony images that we hoped would fool people.The masks have to go." Basic text p.32

Just for today: I will let go of my masks and allow my self-esteem to grow......:wave:

Habits and Feelings
 

I say this to say, just take a look at this and see how it makes you feel;

Habits are learned behavior, a function of habits is feelings---our feelings---our habits' first line of defense. They are like attack dogs the hing Habit unleashes when he sees an enemy approaching.

The most important thing to know is that feelings only face backwards; they only know what was. We have sent our feelings to school a million times. We have learned which behaviors make us feel normal and which do not. That is why feelings cannot be our guide to a new life. If we, as most people do, allow our feelings to be the sole dictator of how we act, then obviously there will be no lasting new behavior. And if nothing changes, nothing changes.

I'm not saying that feelings are bad or the enenmy, and I'm certainly not saying that we should not be in touch with how we feel. Knowing how we feel, in fact, is critical in our journey. But it is just as important that we do not allow how we feel to be the only factor that determines how we act. The truth is that, if you want to change how you feel, you must change how you act and keep at it long enough until acting in a healthy manner is a scomfortable as acting in a self-defeating manner used to be.

The task is formidable. A fairly good definition of insanity might be to expect different results from the same behavior. Different results does not come from the same old behavior. Diffferent results can only come from different behavior. And the obstacle to consistent new behavior is almost always feelings.


Can you hear me---------------Can you hear me now!!!



Just for Today--------------I am Clean and Sober


Pernell

:vg You asked me , to see how it made me feel. My point is, if we didn't feel, for today, tomorrow, and yesterday, it wouldn't shape us into who we are NOW. I want to feel. I am human, I need to feel. That is what separates us from beasts. I am a better woman today, because, instead of letting the bad feelings make me use, I let them make me NOT use. Most of us in recovery used drugs and alcohol, because of hiding our feelings, good and bad. Then after awhile, we didn't know how to feel. If I had a choice, to feel or not to feel....I would choose feel every time.

Getting in touch with your feelings requires that you live inside your body and pay attention to the sensations that are there.Feelings are just that-things that you feel in your body:tightening your throat, tembling, clutching in your stomach, shortness of breath, moistness behind your eyes, warmth in your chest, tingling in your hands,fullness in your heart.If you have ignored your body for a long time, tuning in to these sensations may seem strange and unfamilar. Or you may be able to objectively report the sensations you feel in your body but not know what they mean.If noone paid attention to what you feel, you will be starting at the beginning, teaching yourself to read the messages your body gives you....The Courage To Heal, A guide for women survivors of child sexual abuse, Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

Today I choose to feel, I choose to laugh, cry, be happy, sad, anxious, etc...if I didn't feel, I might as well just die...:wave:

:bravo "We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." Step 7

Bill Wilson said: "In all these strivings, of many of them well-intentioned, our crippling hasndicap had been our lack of humility.We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not **and are not} the purpose of living. Quite characteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the ends with the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of our material desires as the means by which we could live and function as human beings, we had taken these satisfactions to be the final end and aim of life. 12 and 12 p.71, The Spiritual Self by Abraham J. Twerski, MD.

There is more to life than just material things...smile at someone today, see how great it feels....all we need is the basics EXCEPT for love.....
"Love one another, as I have loved you" The Bible:wave:

:jester: Good Morning, world....I am just going to tell you how I am feeling this morning, since I am starting a new job today...Yes, I decided to quit that other job, due to the negitivity..I can't work under those conditions, not good for my sobriety. Here I was trying to do my job, and everyone else was crazier then I was. It didn't make for a good work day, at all. So I start this morning. My threads will probably be written in the afternoons now. Please don't stop reading, one addict helping another addict is without parrell....:wave:

:lumpy I guess I just can't get away from these threads.They help me so much. I know you understand and possiblly have been through the same things. I also started going to group therapy for my depression. Actually, I like it. It is alot better in a group then it is one on one. One on one is very uncomfortable for me. I get twitchy. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but alot of things us dope fiends have done, hasn't made any sense. Anyway, don't knock it before you try it. I don't care if I have to stand on my head for the rest of my life, to stay clean....what are you willing to do????:wave:

:) Sometimes I wonder about, why do I have this disease? Why does anyone have it? Is it because my father was severely depressed and an alcoholic? I guess those are questions that I don't necessarily need to know. The fact is I am, all of the above.Maybe you are like me, and its all so much to understand. I know one thing, whatever God has planned for us, it will be done. I have been feeling very depressed lately, they switched my med's and something isn't right..something has to give. I wonder. Will they ever get my med's right. But I know, if I do the right thing for the right reason, everything will be fine. This new program I am in, I know it's going to be tough, but nothing is tougher then getting and staying high all the time...and this, I know, ....the program that I have made for myself, it is going to be okay, today...just for today....I WILL have a program...:wave: